Welcome to: THE BAPTISM
The Baptism is a fictional novel that starts in 2011, when the story of a man who is at a turning point in his life started coming to me in these short vignettes.
The story follows one main character, John River, who has an ongoing supernatural experience with Mother Earth. Early on his journey is compared to the Richard Dreyfus character in the classic film, “Close Encounters of the Third Kind.” Mr. River thinks he is losing his mind much of the time, and is encouraged to do so by Mother Earth. She has a very distinct plan for John that unfolds slowly over the first hundred pages, as the resistance exhibited through John’s need to understand keeps him in a perpetual purgatory. Time is slipping by as he doubts, resists and fights to stay in control. Conversely, the most magical animated world appears whenever he opens his heart to the guidance from the Mother Earth.
I have been pushed to release the story before it is finished and in a number of months you will catch up to where we are experiencing the story in the same breath. So, follow along with John River, I don't know where the story is going to take us. All I can tell you is it's somewhere in the future.
I hope you enjoy the ride and I encourage comments and feedback because my vision for this journey is an interactive one. As we move into the future I feel that we will all be guiding each other with our intuition and need to come together as friends and community. I believe art and creative expression will be one of main tuning forks for humanity, and I am being guided to create books like this one offering new ways for all of our voices to be heard and exchanged with. Some of the chapters will include audio files of me reading the text. Eventually I see some video, illustration and animation being part of the story (I have a lot of talented artists supporting this book and one of them is Charlie Griak).
John River lay on a carpet of grass gazing into the early morning sky watching Venus arc across the pre-dawn horizon. She appeared as a torch sent from the heavens to illuminate a darkened sky. Her twinkling light was so seductive that John found himself waking to greet her every morning. The new year of 2011 had broken open with much the same restlessness stirring on the earth. The US was still at war somewhere; it was just hard to know all the places deemed of interest to peace and democracy. John found himself reflecting back to 1969 as a young boy on his father’s farm. Nothing had really changed in the way he viewed the stars, the heavens, creation, God and the Universe. When he looked into space he would dream about the creator and would wonder how much of all we see is random. He would try to understand the depths of the Universe and finally would just relax and accept what a magical thing life was, what an amazing opportunity to be alive!
This pretty much summed up his life. John lived with an abundance of gratitude for the opportunities he was provided, and even though he often bounced around from location to location there wasn’t much he was looking for. His father always told him he was a jack-of-all-trades. He could build, sell, babysit, congregate, communicate, cook and play music with the best of folks. He was generally gregarious but also needed a chunk of alone time. He didn’t put down deep roots because he knew he would eventually move on. He was searching for something.
He wasn’t looking for anything or anyone in particular. As a matter of fact, he often felt like he was buying time. Buying time, waiting, prospecting, for what? He really didn’t know. It seemed like he sensed something was brewing that he was supposed to be witness to, it was just a matter of when and where. He often felt himself drawn to the movie Close Encounters of the Third Kind simply because of the experience Richard Dreyfuss’s character went through. Not so much about the aliens—there was just a feeling to the desperation.
So, it seemed to some that he was avoiding showing up for normal commitments and quite frankly this annoyed these same people. He may have been married a few times, no one knew for sure, and he didn’t offer much information about his past. His most recent relationship had apparently ended in similar fashion to the others; he admittedly tried very hard for a while and had simply lost interest as the sea of troubles arose. Yes, it seemed by all accounts that he was buying time.
This particular morning as he was lying on the soft earth he could feel an energy flowing into his body. He had grown accustomed to this experience and wondered what it was about. Where was this energy coming from? Was it him, or the earth? Why didn’t others talk about what he was feeling? He learned if he would lie on the earth like this and connect to the stars he may not even need to eat much throughout the day, and he would feel better than if he had a thermos of coffee. This experience was not only captivating for him; it had started to stimulate something deeper inside. Maybe this was what he had been waiting for?
The deeper he allowed the energy from the earth to penetrate his awareness the more vivid his experience would become. His brain did its best to try to make him think he was crazy, but John knew he was on to something by the way he felt when this was happening. Trusting that it could be real was the bigger challenge! The experiences he was having weren’t totally out of left field—he had always been different in his connection to nature and the outdoors, but this was off the charts. Try to imagine levitating, floating on a bed of electricity, and receiving messages from the earth that were virtual holograms. John was being shown how much the Mother Earth loved him and was giving to him as he simply acknowledged his connection with her. He experienced the earth as a mother, who had birthed and nurtured all the life forms living on her. There were even some hints that his future curriculum would include not only the history of this planet but of creation itself. He was being brought along slowly.
What an amazing teacher the Mother was! She sent all of the pictures merged with emotion and sound right into John’s body. The experience was more captivating than any movie he had ever seen. It was like his every nerve, muscle and fiber was plugged into the action and he had the ability to pause, stop and rewind the messages when the information was going too fast. John didn’t bother trying to share these details with others. Why? He didn’t need to feel special and he wasn’t sure where this was all going. It wasn’t like most people were that interested in something like this anyway, right?
When he was lying on the earth it seemed every animal within miles would feel the connection and come snooping. They wanted to be near him while this exchange was happening, some wanting to sit on his chest, others at his head or feet. These phenomena were becoming more and more strange each time he reclined with Mother. There was a particular hummingbird that was the craziest of all the creatures. As John would emerge to the night air—mind you it would be dark around 4 o’clock in the morning—this hummer would meet him before he would lie down on the earth, and this bossy little creature would rest on John’s third eye as he reclined. His cat would follow him outside and lay claim to his chest. The cat and the hummingbird within a few inches of each other was, well, rather peculiar. However John didn’t think much of it, because it was just as strange when the stray raccoon would sit on his feet, and about daybreak a family of crows would perch in the lowest tree limb above this spectacle. From time to time squirrels would enter, there was a local garden snake that would slither in, and his dog, Roscoe, would move peacefully from John’s head to feet watching over the whole gathering. The animals knew when the energy was flowing and they knew when the energy was done for the day. They exited just as peacefully as they entered, with no one inflicting ill will towards another. Another fascinating occurrence, which John barely noticed, was that the regulars would often bring in the sick and wounded of their pack and the new critter would take a place near John and regain their normal functions through the process. The audience was managing to grow each and every morning as the Mother Earth and Father Sky shared energy with John.
Yes, he was starting to understand that both the earth and the sky energies were working in unison, that the Mother Earth was the local representative and connection to the Universe. Sometimes he would open his eyes and look up to the heavens. Besides seeing past the little hummer on his brow, John would see the most amazing light coming down from above. The light would appear as these cobwebs of energy coming directly from the stars and space above, and when John let go he would literally feel his body rising up off the grass. It was like the earth and the stars would each be sending such strong energy into him he would get magnetized between the two forces. He was being hypnotized in some way and the animals seemed to know more about what was happening than he did. He thought before long his backyard might not hold all the creatures and he wondered what it might look like to any early rising neighbors, seeing them all leaving. No one seemed to notice, which pretty much summed up his experience of life in general. People didn’t seem to notice the things he noticed about living and life. It wasn’t like John was trying to prove anyone wrong. He just wondered what people spent their time paying attention to.
This is why John felt like he was waiting for something. It was as if he was in a whole different classroom. Was there anyone out there like him? Did others receive messages from the earth and heavens like this? Why were these messages so vivid? He was almost past the point of questioning it or thinking he was crazy. Some days the hesitating and doubting were long gone, other days they weren’t. It was obvious he was being prepared for something, in training for something. He just had to be patient and let it happen. He had tried to be like the others, tried to fit in and be normal. Now he wondered what normal really was. It certainly wasn’t him, thank god!
On to the exploration, following the signs and paying attention—that was the gist of his life. Collecting the dots, connecting the dots, piecing together a jigsaw puzzle. It was a fascinating experience, and sometimes he could barely sleep waiting for the 4:00 a.m. wakeup. He would hop out of bed, not able to contain his excitement, and the only ones more excited than him were the animals, Mother Nature and even the stars. It was amazing how the stars seemed to move and follow his gaze as he opened his heart to their twinkling message. And Venus! It was overwhelming how much life force would flow into his body, as he would open to the blast of consciousness from her. She would overwhelm him with love and energy. Venus was definitely a she. He liked the energy; no, he loved the energy of Venus. Was she seducing him into something? John didn’t know but he had never felt anything quite so strong, and the more he opened to Venus the more Mother Earth reached into his body and grounded this wild potent energy into her. John suddenly knew what it felt like being a conduit and conductor like he never knew before. He had a vivid understanding of Tesla, Hawking, da Vinci, Shakespeare and the reason they had to create, express and live. But wait, this was a big image. Why did he suddenly think he knew these people, some of whom had left here a long time ago? What was this message about? Was it due to Venus, the Mother Earth or the animals?
Lord, a three-legged coyote showed up the other morning. She looked like death warmed over a couple of times, skinny beyond recognition but still the will to live in her was apparent through the look in her eyes. He suddenly knew more about people with physical challenges. The will to live. Not the ease of life, but the will to live because you have something to give. It was obvious this coyote had a will to live.
John had just enough awareness to realize this was not Roscoe snuggling up next to him. Wait, what was that nubbin for a rear leg? A stump! He couldn’t stop himself from rising up to further inspect this creature. She raised her lip to snarl-smile at him, please lie down and continue the healing, she demanded. He noticed she was in milk. How in the world could a three-legged coyote be raising a litter of pups? The will to live, the will to give and the will to demand life, which she was requisitioning from John now. The exchange was clear—she knew who he was even if he didn’t. He was the conduit of healing energy from the Mother to her and she was the mother to her pups and was there to receive his gift. When he realized this he lay very still. Even the hummingbird knew a special transmission was happening and she began to flap her wings as she stood on her tiny feet, gently tickling John’s third eye. Yes, just another normal day in the factory….
So, what’s the point? Where does a story like this go? John River was an odd man by others’ ideas and standards. He was not looking for anything or anyone. This troubled those who called him friend. They were constantly trying to fix him up with this one and that one and he usually laughed and shook his head no thanks. What’s the point of living, they told him? Don’t you want a family? Don’t you want to be with someone? Again, John would laugh and the mystery would grow. The bigger question rested privately in the deepest recesses of John’s thoughts and instincts. What was he waiting for? How many times had he asked himself this very question? The impatience deep inside grew and the dance with Spirit only became more bizarre.
He was definitely getting older, but even his aging process was different than the others. He would sometimes look on the social sites and discover old friends, many of whom he would hardly recognize and hesitate to connect with, because why? What conversation could he encounter other than to say what the hell happened to you? I guess this is what happens when you settle for the normal life. Most of these folks were on the downhill side of things and John was clear he was just getting started. And he would say to himself just under his breath, why the mystery?
Just when he thought things couldn’t become more isolated and strange the early morning messages started pointing to the future. When the posse of critters was in full attendance John got the feeling that the animals were not animals at all, but indeed were spirit beings from other dimensions. He was being shown that he had passed several tests through his willingness to pay attention and play along. He was being trained for some use to bridge between different realms of consciousness. Suddenly his past was being revealed step by step, bringing him to just this place lying on the earth receiving this revelatory light, although not yet revealing for what purpose this training was being established. Yet the signals were very clear that nothing that had ever happened to him was an accident. For the last several weeks he had re-experienced every pivotal happening in his life and had been shown how Spirit had deftly added direction and cause to each moment. In particular, he now understood why big moments in his life always happened in super slow motion. He always had accessibility to the replay button of heightened experiences because he was not allowed to forget them. They were data for this future…what? Just little teasing’s that everything was divine and perfect, that there would be a payoff of understanding one day? To that thought he now stated, “There’d better be!”
As the light continued to weave together the relationships of all his experiences, John started to understand how all things and all events were connected. How consciousness was indeed one big cobweb of light always changing through the exchange of light and energy. That the Universe was one big breath or heartbeat, and the truly ridiculous thought was almost every other life form on the planet knew this except humans. John laughed incessantly at the idea of this great mystery and the stupidity that humankind placed on itself as being the superior species—the keystone. The true reality was that humankind was actually the black hole to the conscious efforts of so many life forms trying to maintain the balance on the Mother Earth. That through our self-absorption we were missing the magical glue that held this third dimension together and conversely, if we would decide to accept each other and love then everything would harmonize and flow together. To all the other life forms it was the biggest of mysteries why humans would choose any experience other than love. Couldn’t they see, hear and feel the harmonizing force brought through the power of love?
As these experiences continued to deepen John had little desire to interact with others. Had he become obsessed with these occurrences? Yes! He was not only past the point of no return, he now realized he had no desire to waste time. He tried extending the meditation time longer. He tried moving it indoors to no avail, but when he tried moving it outdoors to differing locations, even in daylight hours, he found access points beyond the night sky. Yes, portals were showing up in a multitude of regions with the radius expanding each time. He was seeing it would soon be a global excursion. Each meditation revealed the next geographic location he was to visit and most were not famous tourist spots, but rather off-the-beaten-path areas visited and known by few. They were regular nooks and crannies that people never assumed were anything special, and that was the interesting phenomena. These caves, rocks, ditches, mountainsides and valleys would open like a flower when the right frequency activated the stored energy there. These places had been waiting for activation and one of John’s jobs now was to release the energy needed to bring some sort of expansion and healing to the earth and human consciousness. Long-awaited wisdoms that had retreated underground hundreds if not thousands of years ago. Dormant. Waiting for a messenger to tap the flow into expression again. Now you may ask, why did these energies retreat? And the answer is due to the aggressive human influence, which caused imbalance time and again. Gradually some energies withdrew, waiting for the appropriate time to play again. At least this made sense to John. He knew the waiting game and finally he was feeling a bit of relief like he was finding some answers. He was tired of waiting! Maybe these energies and the earth and sky were tired of waiting, too.
Still, you can say, what is the point? Why him? And this concerned John the most. Why him?
Memories, dreams, visions and fantasies were all starting to link together in a very fluid way. He began to see through them that there was a reason why he had a curiosity about geology, geography, topography, astronomy, astrology—many disciplines and studies.
John’s dreams had a way of communicating specific things to him about the direction of his life. Most of his dreams as a young boy were of flying. Now his dreams fell right into step with his meditations and visions. They would all bookend and pick right up where the other left off, time and space no longer mattering. Their interplay was all about the flow of the energy and messages from the Universe. He remembered reading a book once that talked about Universal Interpreters. Was he becoming one of these?
The more John let go, trusted the unknown and actually looked forward to the future; everything started to feel like a dream. Energy became very fluid in his perception, as he could now see it flowing to and through every object, person, place and thing, including space. On a larger scale he saw and experienced this energy moving into our atmosphere not just as the Borealis and not just through the poles, but right in through the air. This light would speak directly to him and he was reaching a point where he didn’t have to be in a meditative state to see, hear or feel it. John could let it move through him like the breath. The more he opened to it the more it showed him. As the Mother Earth was moving and belching, the atmosphere was glowing and dancing and the elements were becoming the language of the Universe—blowing, swirling, shaking, absorbing, exploding, escaping, expanding, and contracting. Everything was alive in ways that he could not explain and for now, did not need to explain. He grew more and more tickled at the prospect of one day trying to share this with others. Then he figured, hey, I might as well enjoy this while I can. Maybe I’ll learn to be patient and just trust there’s a point to it all. Why do I need to know?
Still, the observer can say, “Why him?”
And the muse of this story replies, “Patience my friend. Soon enough you will understand why this strange man has been selected for this experiment. Continue on the journey. You never know what you may discover.”
So, what about Roscoe, and the cat and the other animals that hovered around John constantly? What do they do if he’s not around? Where do they go? John drove to most places he traveled and Roscoe and the cat would ride along. In fact, they would demand to come along and would get quite depressed when they couldn’t travel with him. As for the wild animals, it didn’t make sense to logic, but they would appear whenever he would lie on the earth, and now whenever he opened to the flow of energy. To the casual observer it would look like a Disney movie and it was becoming more and more public, as the animals started showing up whenever John was in omniscient mode. It was becoming a bit of a spectacle and he would try to dumb it down some until he could get to a private spot, but it wasn’t working. And that crazy hummingbird would oftentimes appear and wiggle out of his t-shirt pocket. The one flight he traveled on recently became very odd when he opened his heart to the light of the moon while staring out the exit row window. It wasn’t quite as bad as the old Twilight Zone episode with William Shatner, but the dang hummingbird peeked out of his shirt pocket and started to flutter its wings. John stuffed him back in as a lady across the aisle caught sight of some movement and whispered to the attendant, but they left John alone as he apathetically feigned sleep. Boy, he was having to learn where and when to let the energy flow through. When he peeked in his pocket later on the hummer was nowhere to be found. The magical mystery tour continued. John had never imagined he would have to limit his experience with Spirit. He was having to now.
Oh, and there was still more about dreams that made him increasingly uncomfortable. As mentioned before, he was a jack-of-all-trades. He could do just about anything. People liked him and wanted him around, even if he was mysterious and noncommittal. When he visited people he would usually spend time with their pets and children, and he would spend the rest of the time fixing things around the house. He had a knack for sensing things in distress, whether it was a doorknob, houseplant, puppy, computer or guitar—and as a last resort a back, shoulder or feeling. For this reason he was invited everywhere and often. He was good at sizing up situations and would go to the parties he found interesting, with probably the most things to repair. So—the dreams, the dreams. Well, people were always telling him they had dreams about him. It was constant and most of the time annoying. Was it because he was of service to others? Was it because people wanted to sleep with him? He didn’t think so. No, it seemed to be this thing with the energy. He was beginning to think the people were just like the animals, they could sense something. Maybe they were having dreams about him helping them. It seemed to fit. This is what he did. But it still made him uncomfortable. He tried telling people that he didn’t dream about them, that he didn’t dream about people at all. It didn’t seem to matter, because the reports of dreams were increasing. Everything seemed to be on the increase because of these energy experiences. He wasn’t going to stop it; in fact, he didn’t think he could stop it now.
He remembered meeting a homeless man several years ago who just walked up and started talking, normal as day. He was charming in his own way and didn’t feel threatening at all. He didn’t ask for money or anything. John remembered his smile like it was yesterday, albeit missing several teeth. The man leaned in and said, “You’re a messenger. In time you will see through the dimensions like me. It’s coming fast. Get ready.” It did seem a little out of the ordinary at the time, but not so strange living on the West Coast. What did he mean by see through the dimensions? At the time John shrugged it off, thinking, “I’m not so sure I want to be like you.” But he never forgot the feeling from this man. And how did he know the man was homeless? It was just an assumption. A messenger for the Universe—a Universal Interpreter, maybe? At least the guy didn’t tell him he’d had a dream about him!
Speaking of dreams again, he had been having some strange ones. Dreams where he would wake up remembering exactly the energy of a place. The energy that needed to be released. The energy that was stuck there and that he had permission to work with in some way. Why was he being called to work with the earth in this way? What was his role? As mentioned before he was a jack-of-all-trades. He could fix things, but what was this about with the earth? There was one distinct dream where he was spoken to and told he was from an ancient lineage of elemental alchemists. He was born with an inherent gift to mix the elements to bring balance to the Mother Earth. His people were the elemental masters who never drew attention to their deeds, but who had been orchestrating events from the beginning of time. They were not so much magical as down to earth, from the earth, inside the earth and outside the earth. They worked with fire as light, water as motion, air as space, and earth as substance. They were able to move all of these with the mind, hands, heart, body and the breath. John had a hard time accepting this; skepticism and doubt were much easier. However, when he was shown visions of these relatives doing their work throughout time he had an eerie feeling, because as he looked more closely he could see he was the same being—it was him. This was getting more and more bizarre. Maybe he should get a job? Could things get any worse? Maybe he should watch Close Encounters again. Richard Dreyfuss really went through some tough events in his journey to finding out he was not crazy.
OK, the “get a job” comment was a joke! There is no way John could fit into a normal life expression experiment. He was way past the point of making something like that work as a lifestyle. You would have to watch Close Encounters to have any inkling of where this story is heading. John feels this and is becoming more and more uncomfortable about it. But what other choice does he have? At least he loves adventure, lives for it actually. This shouldn’t be that hard to deal with, you might think. These are the types of stories you would expect from a person who doesn’t fit in. Maybe he is a little “touched,” as some may describe him. Maybe he doesn’t fit in because he is caught in some kind of time warp. Time to get on with the story!
So, what would it feel like to be John for a few hours? Would you find this magical mystery tour interesting?
John is lying on his stomach, as he always does when he’s sleeping most deeply. He doesn’t move for hours and then there is a flicker—contact is made. His dream state is turned on. Energy is being beamed in to his neck and throat area. It is still unclear where the energy is being directed from, or from whom. But this much is clear—he is being communicated with. At this point John just remembers the contact as dreams.
As he dreams he slowly rolls over to his back. The light pours directly into his throat, surrounding and infusing him. He sees this in the dream but does not yet realize it is physically happening as he is dreaming it. As this is happening his animals, Roscoe and the cat, move closer to him. The other animals start to gather in the yard. After fifteen to twenty minutes in this immersion John awakens enough to sleepwalk outside to lie under the stars on the soft bed of grass. This is the aforementioned experience with the animals coming closer and John being filled with light and this is where things have been intensifying. The omniscient state is becoming omnipresent! More and more, John is realizing he has to interact with the dream state and he has to ask the next question. Not just for guidance, no, he has to direct the communication. Even accepting the surrealism of it all, John is being pushed beyond his limit of understanding, belief or faith, for that matter. Not only is he not being given the time to ask, “What does it mean?” He is being left to interpret meaning on the fly and he is being given a breadcrumb trail that it seems only he can connect the dots to.
The images are moving faster. He now carries a note pad to jot down specific points as well as his phone to record messages. Technology serving a purpose.
John awoke this morning saying, “The Solar Wind, the Solar Wind, the Solar Wind.” He thought, what does it mean? What does it mean?
Then he remembered another strange comment from the homeless man who told him he would one day see through the dimensions. The man had said, “Your name is Emmeron, and you were one of the commanders of the Solar Wind.
John spoke aloud to himself, “No, it wasn’t Emerson. I’m sure he said Emmeron.”
The Solar Wind must have been a spaceship. Had the homeless man also referred to it as the Mother Ship? Lord, this work of following the signs was not easy, and in this instant John recalled the light that had been flowing into his neck. Was this light connected to Spirit, to aliens, to some ancestors from the other side? What was this all about? Would he ever know? Then he remembered—I have to direct the communication! I’m not waiting for answers. I have to ask the questions for the things I want answered. If I expect to get the answers, they will come when I ask the questions—if I ask them with confidence and expectation. So, the game changed in this moment. And it truly became a game!
John asked of the light, “Who are you?” And he immediately heard the song by The Who. Funny. He thought, “Are you playing with me?”
“Yes,” he immediately heard. To this he replied, “I don’t like to be played with! I am busting my butt to try to understand who you are and what you want from me. I would at least like to be respected and treated honorably. I don’t like to be messed with.”
To this he heard, “Be patient my friend. There are many tests to be played out to find out if you are the one.” Again, a ridiculous image popped in his mind as he saw Neo from The Matrix being told he was “the One,” and Neo fighting it the whole way. Just as fast the image changed, showing him that he used skepticism to keep his faith to a low level of trust so he wouldn’t be disappointed.
“Are you reflecting my thoughts back to me so I can see how I am trapped by my own lack of willingness to believe?” he asked.
Then John got it. This light was going to keep reflecting his level of belief until he made a choice outside of his known level of trust about his ability to be guided by the light. He was the lowest common denominator in his ability to create miracles of hope and possibility beyond this known third dimension. To break through these barriers he had to choose to go more fully into the light—he had little time left for the dark, little time left to be afraid of being blind-sided by the dark forces. It was time to choose.
“How?” he thought.
“Now!” he heard.
To that response John lay on the ground right outside his door. It didn’t matter that it was midday. It was time to engage like he never had before. The time was now. He lay down, opened his heart and connected to his energy. He felt light move into him and he wanted to go into a deep meditative state, but not this time. He had to stay in both places, here and there. To direct the communication he had to do it consciously.
“Who are you?” he asked. He was vibrating, starting to levitate.
“Who are you?” he asked for the second time. Getting frustrated, he hit his hands on the ground.
The Mother Earth groaned, “Please don’t hit me!”
John stopped. “I’m sorry,” he said. To this he softened.
The Mother Earth spoke to him in a new voice, “I have told you to be patient my friend. You will be tested as never before.”
“Why tested?” he asked.
“You will be tested to move through resistance to resilience, fear to fearlessness, ungrounded to grounded and pity to purpose,” She explained.
“Why me?” John started to scream and then spoke. “Why me? I don’t like to be singled out, to be made special.”
The Mother replied, “Do not worry my son, you will not feel special when this is over. Cursed more of the time than blessed. Definitely not special.”
He asked, “Then do I have a choice to un-enlist? Can I resiliently and purposefully desert?”
She replied, “I wish it were that easy my son, but it is not. Your lineage has agreed and most importantly all of your lifetimes of existence have prepared you for this moment in time.”
John said aloud, “The feeling of resistance is stopping me from getting what this is about. Let me open to another possibility. I give myself permission to trust the Mother Earth, to trust my inner guidance, to trust the heavens above, Great Spirit. I let myself enter these possibilities; I let myself remember who I am. I let go.”
Something shifted. Light moved in. The hummer started buzzing John’s third eye—it landed. John heard a voice, “Houston, we have landed.” Everything was surreal and that was fine, let it be. Then he heard the Beatles singing, “Let It Be!” Energy was expanding, shifting. He was seeing crowds, the masses, then and a close-up of John Lennon’s face. The throat, his throat, the voice, the same voice…poetic, lyrical, loving, peaceful, and even rageful. There was a dot connecting him to John Lennon.
“I don’t want to be political,” muttered John.
The Mother whispered, “Be patient my son, let it play out.”
“Is everything a music video in my head with these thoughts, feelings, questions answered in parodies? This is crazy!” Then, John stopped thinking and opened his heart again to the possibilities. The Universe opened inside of him. He connected to its magic, to the magic of the elemental alchemists, the magic of all of his lifetimes. “Remember damn it, remember!” he said. And the memories started flowing, albeit like rainbows at first, then as actual rainbows, to a soundtrack of Judy Garland singing “Somewhere Over the Rainbow,” morphing into Israel Kamakawiwo’ole finishing the song. Man, it was all a dream, but then it was real. It was really happening. He got it. The brain was the skeptic and the heart was the magic. The choice to go with the heart turned on the movie and accessed the energy from everywhere.
“Then who is the Mother Earth?” John sang, “Who are you? Who-hoo, are you?” He got a chuckle out of that. “I mean, if anyone can do this role in a movie it will have to be Johnny Depp. Who else could pull this off?”
The Mother Earth scolded him by saying, “Johnny! Don’t get too carried away, there is much work to do here.”
“Can’t I have a little fun, Mother?” Damn, if Carrie didn’t enter into the madness. He heard a dreadful scream of “MOTHER!” like Sissy Spacek’s character let loose in the movie.
This is like a bad acid trip, thought John. How many times did I do acid? Maybe this is a flashback?
“No, this is just a creative play for you to see how it all flows together in your mind and subconscious. If you learn to keep your heart open the interpretation will be easy. If you try to figure it out logically—good luck!” She replied.
“In my most humble approach, Mother Earth, could you give me an image that I can understand in my heart about who you are and why I am being communicated with in this way?“
“You learn fast my young friend. When it rains, it pours,” She said. A flashing frame of Morton salt commercial moves through his mind.
John holds focus.
“We wait for this day, to actually get a live one on the line. We are so tickled I cannot tell you the excitement in the dimensions beyond 3-D. We are high-fiving, saying all of the work has finally paid off. We have a crash test dummy, finally. No, better wording. We finally have someone who has a vested interest in us. “Us” defined—the Nature Spirits—the spirits of the earth, air, water and fire, the sky, stars, moon and sun. All the animal beings and all forms of life. We are exalted to be having the hope of a messenger. You are that ‘one.’ You have been trained for this. Suddenly a mental image of Harry Potter flashes past.
John—hold focus! Hocus focus. Testing. “I’m not blinking,” said John.
“Why me?” asked John. “It has not all been revealed at this time,” Mother Earth replied.
“Why the tests? Why the secrets? Can’t it be easy for once? Can’t you just show me what I’m supposed to do? I mean, Frodo had to hide the ring from Sauron. Harry had to defeat Lord Voldemort. Who am I trying to evade? Is this a story about the light and the dark? I assume I am on the light team. Isn’t that a correct assumption? Give me something, please!” John asked.
“Oh, I see. The silent treatment! Nothing pisses me off more than the dangling carrot. Give me a little and then pull it all back. I’m all alone here, right?” John started to cave in.
“You’re never alone my son. You are a spiritual scientist out on the frontier leading people to the light. Yes, you are on the light team. But like everyone your alignment with the light flickers based on what you are choosing to experience,” the Mother replied.
“I don’t remember ever signing up for this job!” said John. Is this going to be one riddle and rhyme after another? Hell, a man could go crazy here!”
“Hell is in your mind, if you are trying to control something,” Mother replied.
“Well, I don’t need to control anything. I’m the least controlling person I know. I don’t have anyone or anything to control!” John exclaimed.
“Maybe you need someone,” Mother stated.
“OK, is that it for today? I think the lesson has ended. Maybe I’ll go look for a date!” John sarcastically chuckled. Bad idea, as suddenly a voltage of electricity lifted his body off the ground, giving him a strong shock. A slight singed smell filled the air. Needless to say, a new boundary was put in place about who could be sarcastic and tease whom.
John said, “Hey, that wasn’t fair. It was just a little joke.”
John starts to mutter something, and thinks better of it. “I guess She hears everything anyway, what’s to hide?”
On To the Next
John knew the game was changing rapidly. He didn’t feel the need to talk to others about this. His thought was, why bother? Still, he did wonder if anyone else was having a similar experience with his or her life. Surely he wasn’t the only one. And what was that crazy psychedelic show he just experienced? The truth was he hadn’t done too many drugs in his days, but this was a strange trip indeed.
It was obvious he was being guided through the eye of some needle with very strict instructions to operate from the heart, to have an open heart.
On the Move
He was definitely a nomadic, modern-day cowboy, always on the move. John would go where the work was interesting enough to keep him occupied. He did very little for the sake of a job or to make money, but like most he did need to earn enough to make ends meet. Whether he was renting a house, housesitting or trading room and board for his services there was always a list of people offering him a place to stay. Not that he didn’t like his own place and his privacy, but as “a rolling stone gathers no moss” John was generally on the move before too many roots went down. Without sounding so “1960s in a VW van,” John generally traveled in a truck with a camper of some sort. He was always fixing them up. People would come along and offer him good money for his rig and he would generally let that one go and start over. There was always some new design he was dreaming up and wanting to implement. His current idea was to create a completely solar-powered vehicle. It was always about energy and how to use energy to do the work. One of his old mottos was, “Where awareness goes, energy flows.”And he couldn’t take his awareness off what had happened earlier. He was a little hesitant to ask any more questions and even more hesitant to lie back down on the earth! That shock was still with him; he definitely didn’t want to test the power of Mother Earth again. But what was he buying into? Is there any way this could be real?
What better way to test this phenomenon than to get back in the saddle? Honestly, he was hesitant now. It was more fun when he was just doing what he felt he should be doing. It was kind of exciting to be feeling energy this way, stronger than anything he had ever felt before. Yet it changed with the hearing of the voice—things were becoming surreal.
Rather than be afraid, John decided to just continue as he had before, to keep searching and paying attention to the signs. He recently had heard about a piece of land in a particular valley. When he heard about this land he had started to vibrate all over. It was said to be an ancient sacred place known only to a few native people. He looked up directions and decided to visit there. By appearances, there was nothing special about it other than a few trickles of water oozing from around some large rocks in several places. The animals took heed of the water more than the people. Even though it was not a picturesque spot, it did feel like something was here. As he looked around the area it felt incredibly abused with trash and cigarette butts everywhere. It was obvious that it was a party hangout spot. The lack of respect to Mother Earth made John incredibly sad. Usually he would have just started picking up the trash to remedy the situation, but not this time. With more intensity than usual, he found himself on the ground crying and in pain. His stomach knotted up and he proceeded to get sick from both ends. It was like a crazy viral purge. It wasn’t pretty! Yet immediately after, he felt better. What was that about? Then he realized that the Mother was showing him how she felt. He got it, and started talking to her again.
John said, “I don’t have to feel everything you feel. I do see it and it hits me the same way. I know you know that.”
She replied, “Yes, my son, you feel many of the same things, yet you are desensitized to more than you think.“
He asked, ”Why do you need me to feel what you feel? I know what we humans are doing is bad. I feel for you every day. It’s true; I am part of the problem. What would you have me do?”
“Be patient my son, we are getting there. We are still working into our relationship. I am not so sure you are up for the task,” She answered.
He replied, “Well, we know I’m not that patient. When you see fit please enlighten me about the task. I’ve pretty much accepted that I am crazy. I don’t fit in with the normal folks, I’m not interested in the American dream, and I question most of the accepted norms of society. I have always resisted the idea of God from the traditional sense of religion, though I do find God everywhere in nature, and I guess in this moment with you. When the time is right it would mean a lot to me to know who you are and to know more about these tests and tasks. For now I will work on my faith, and trust that there is a reason for all of this.”
She whispered, “Lie down my son. Feel the life, support and energy beneath your body. Open your heart to trust the realness of this moment.”
He did as he was told. John let go of everything to open his heart to full existence in this moment. Everything started to swirl and spin; he lost control of everything three-dimensional. He lost his mind and his heart took over. Suddenly John was hundreds of miles deep into the earth— there was a heartbeat, a pulse, inside there. He was part of this pulse. It was moving as water, lava, air bubbles, solid rock becoming fluid—movement, life force, transmutation, change—creation! John was inside the heart of the Mother Earth. He was home, he was one, whole, complete. Suddenly he began to cry again. He cried in this altered state for what seemed like eternity. The rocks began pouring water into the setting, washing away the debris. Not washing it somewhere else, though. Washing it away to be recycled and consumed inside the earth. Cleaned, put back in order.
Through this experience John began to understand he was to be used in some way to help the Mother Earth reach and communicate with humans. “How?” he wondered as he started to return to the scene. Then he gave direction with a question, “Do you have a message or gift for me?” Upon asking this he let himself fall back into the core of the earth. He let go of life, as he knew it. He finally surrendered.
She showed him the expanse of life, wisdom and continuity of energy throughout the Universe. She showed him how the emotion of all life forms was interwoven into a matrix of connection and communication everywhere. There was nothing isolated and alone—except for within the illusion brought forth by the ego and mind of the humans. It was a faulty premise at best, yet powerfully supported by so many modern developments. Supported by the distractive consumptions creating the idea that the answers lie out there somewhere, not inside of you. Therefore keep searching, buying, and consuming—someone else has the answer for you. The Mother made sure John got the piece that everything in the Universe feels the despair of the singularly depressed, hopeless individual. This was how humankind was now affecting everything in the Universe, all of the flows of light and consciousness between every heavenly body.
John was slowly putting all the pieces together, starting to see how all of us were part of the whole, whether we believed it or not. Could he find a way to grasp the experiment about why we as Earth humans were in any way special to the rest of the Universe? Why were we any different? As far as a life form or species goes what makes humans any more special than any other life form? He was deep into these questions when the Mother spoke.
She said, “You have done well my friend. That is enough for today. We don’t want to melt your circuits. You are on the right path, making the connections to understand the bigger picture soon enough. It is time for you to rest.”
John realized she was right. It was dark out now. He had been lying there on the rocks for hours. No one had disturbed him. The area looked different now. The trash was gone, and the place seemed cleaned, tuned and awakened with respect. The rocks were glowing; the water had formed pools all around. John leaned over and drank from the pool. The water tasted sweet. He had never tasted anything like this before in his life. Nectar of the gods. Suddenly he looked around to all of the pools and Nature was everywhere. This was the Garden of Eden. Many animals were here drinking and relaxing by the pools. They were at peace. He was in awe. Everything was in harmony. John settled back into the rocks. He had no need to go anywhere. This was heaven. It was home. He curled up under a warm rock and went to sleep.
He didn’t remember dreaming anything. He didn’t remember sleeping for that matter, but he must have slept a long time. When he awoke some of the animals were still there, kind of watching over him. He felt protected. The pools were still brimming over with sweet water. He leaned in for another drink and as he gazed into the pool he saw a reflection of the most beautiful light-energy nymph. She was swimming through the water and she stopped, very aware she was being looked at. John wanted to touch her to see if she was real. When he reached for her he fell headlong into the shallow pool, and luckily for him there was about two feet of water present. The water caught him before he banged his head on the bottom. He gasped for air, thinking he had made a fool of himself. He quickly pulled himself out of the water and noticed some hikers wandering into the area. They stared at him for a second and then walked on. John quickly looked back into the pool. Where was she? Where did she go? The hikers walked on at a brisk pace looking back in an uncomfortable way, as if he were on drugs or something. John didn’t care. This little water sprite must know something about what was happening. Could he find her again? Would she reappear to him? Then he remembered, “Open your heart!”
So, John forgot about everything. His one mission in this moment was to open his heart and see what happened. He lay back on the rocks, one hand lingering towards the pool, lightly touching the water. He merged with the water as he opened his heart. He became the essence of two molecules of hydrogen and one molecule of oxygen. Suddenly he was creation, life and flow. He was connected to all water creatures. He became them. He found himself searching for the water fairy. She didn’t appear, however a rainbow appeared to him inside the essence of water. The rainbow started to speak and it was the Mother Earth.
She said, “Welcome. You are moving fast my young friend. Do you like the sweet water?”
John said, “Yes, I love the sweet water.” He realized he was speaking to the Mother in a different way. More accepting, more respecting.
She changed the colors of the rainbow as She spoke, and then became the water nymph. “Is this who you are looking for?” She asked.
John couldn’t hold back his excitement, “Yes!” he exclaimed.
“Patient!” John finished her sentence.
“Yes, many answers will be coming forth. Take your time with the discoveries. All is unfolding perfectly, precisely and magnificently. How did you like the rainbow?”
“I loved it!” John exclaimed. “But I really wanted to speak to the nymph. I assume now you were her, too, but for some reason I felt like she had some answers for me.”
“She is, she does, and she will appear again. Don’t get too distracted by the exterior of things. Trust your heart as the compass to where you are going. In your heart you will make no mistake, in your head you will make many.”
“Why was the water being so attractive to me? Why did I want to speak to her so much?” John asked.
“She appeared to have the answers for you. Plus, she seemed more real than a rainbow and frankly, you were attracted to her. She is beautiful.” the Mother replied.
John admitted to himself there was something about this little beauty. Maybe it was her smile. Anyway, he changed the subject and asked, “What’s next?”
“Let’s make sure you have all the lessons in this experience before we move on too quickly. Tell me what happened here. Start from the beginning.”
“I assume you mean before the plunge?”
There was no reply, so John continued, “Well, when I got here I noticed this place was a mess.”
“How did you find out about the place?” he was asked.
“Well, now that you mention it, I overheard some Native folks talking about it one day and I had a feeling I should come here, so I looked it up.”
“Do you think that was an accident or a coincidence that you overheard some Native folks? Did you notice them actually inviting you to hear and turning to give you directions?” She questioned.
“Well, I do recollect that it came about pretty easily. I guess you’re saying it was a setup, meaning you were behind it?” John replied, cautiously sarcastic.
“There is something behind everything that happens in the Universe. There are no random acts. The bigger question is how long have I been directing these experiences to you. We will get there in due time. Now, is there anything else you noticed in this experiment?” She asked.
“How am I supposed to move past your ‘…how long have I been directing these experiences to you’ statement? That almost takes the fun out of all of it!” said John, knowing he should tone it down. “I guess you’re to recount every so-called special experience of my life? Nothing is random? Everything has a purpose for someone; everyone has an agenda with someone for something? Jeez, nothing happens for the sake of just happening? What a deflating point to all the things I thought were magical.”
“Stop feeling sorry for yourself, John. It’s time to wake up and see the magic in what I am telling you. You are a chosen one with gifts far exceeding the norm. Does this make you special? Not really. It comes with lots of challenges and responsibilities. You haven’t fared so well with these opportunities in other times. Actually, you have failed miserably the last several attempts; this is why you are resisting so much this time around. You have abused your gifts or have been persecuted for them. There are many out there in the hinterlands that will come after you as you awaken to your gifts. They will come for your power as they have before. You see, the light always attracts an equal amount of dark,” She patiently explained.
“Can’t I disengage from this marvelous opportunity? Don’t I have a free will choice to not accept? I choose to not pass goal. I do not want to collect on any past debts or responsibilities. Can’t I just go to sleep and forget all of this?” he asked.
“I wish it were that easy. This time period is predestined. You have accepted this role thousands of years ago, exactly as it’s unfolding. You have to relax now and see it through,” She said.
“Why, to fail again? To be killed, persecuted for my curses? Can’t you just stop this and give me amnesia or something?” he begged.
“Unfortunately, I have to let this play out for the bigger sake of your species, and even more importantly for my life and all that I am in charge of. You will understand the bigger picture soon,” She coaxed.
“I don’t want to. I resign. Thank you for speaking to me, thank you for shocking me, thank you for your candidness. I know this is a free will zone. I know I can say no. OK, that’s about it. I’m going back to a normal life,” John said, starting to get up. Then he realizes what he is saying. He doesn’t know what a normal life is. Was She putting these ideas in his head? He tried fighting them.
Finally She said, “Go where? You have nowhere to go. This is your life. You are acting like a rebellious kid. Sit down and let me explain what is next.”
John slumped back down on the rock. He had nowhere to go.
Nowhere To Go
John realized he had no idea how long he had been here. Maybe a day or two? He hadn’t eaten but he wasn’t hungry or thirsty. He looked around.
“It’s quite beautiful, isn’t it?” She asked. “Are you ready to learn more about this place and this experience?”
He nodded. Not much choice.
She explained, “This is a timeless place beyond your three dimensions. Think back to those hikers; did you recognize them?”
John thought for a moment, “No, I don’t remember anything special about them, except the funny looks they gave me. I was focused on the nymph. I really liked her.”
“If you could remember their faces you may remember them as the ones you overheard about this place from,” She explained.
“Figures,” John said. “Nothing is as it seems. Next thing I know you’ll tell me the sweet water was laced with LSD. I’m not happy about all of the surprises.”
“Until you are,” She teased. “Very soon, you will see the purpose to it all.”
“Can’t we move out of fairy tale land and get on to what is really happening, so I can make a choice about my life?” John asked.
“Get on with what life?” She asked.
“OK, I get it. This is going to move at your pace. I follow your lead,” he said.
“Alright, alright, you have made your point,” he whispered.
He slumped to the ground and muttered, “You’re right. I have nowhere to go. I guess I am “now here” instead of nowhere. I will try my best to hear you out. I am now here. I am here.”
The next thing you know he is fast asleep, curled up on a rock. You would not think a rock could be so comfortable, but this rock made a perfect bed for him to rest into. As he changed positions to lie on his stomach, it supported him just like a nice, soft, memory foam mattress. He was taken care of, comforted the same as usual. He slept and began to dream again. In this dream he was shown that he had somewhere to go. John was smiling as he slept. He had somewhere to go! Light filled his dream.
As he began to wake he wondered, am I alone? Is it over for now? Will things return to normal? How long have I been asleep? Why am I resisting this? It’s true I am acting like a child about this. Why don’t I just relax and see what happens? What’s so hard about opening my heart and listening?
A beautiful mountain lion appeared as if in answer to John’s thoughts. She walked over to the rocks and came right up to him. John held his breath. What to do? Surrender. He thought, I could open my heart and see what happens. I have nowhere to run. So, that’s what he did. Then the mountain lion looked back and three kittens followed her to the water to drink. She looked at him and drank alongside them. The babies frolicked in the pool. The mother cat lay down in the sun a few feet from John. There was no fear from the cats; did he need to be afraid? He guessed not. Apparently, she wasn’t hungry. John tried to relax.
A couple of ravens landed nearby. They’d come to water, also, with no worries or concerns about the mountain lion. John decided to open his heart a little wider, and in that moment the water began to flow from under the rocks again. The little hummingbird appeared, circling him before taking its perch on top of his head. Other animals arrived—a gray fox trotted up, had a drink and found a place to join the party. A bull snake slithered in, gave its best rattler impersonation, and settled in the shade of the rocks. Several monarch butterflies flew in, had sips of water and made perches in a low hanging limb. John looked in the water and the little nymph was swimming and frolicking there. A tiny rainbow appeared over the pool she was in. As the wind picked up ever so gently there was a smell of sweet ambrosia and honeysuckle in the air.
John didn’t try to figure it out and allowed his heart to open even wider—was that possible? Yes, there was magic here. The more he opened the more he saw all of the connections. The lions slept on the rocks, the fox settled into his resting place and slept, too. Everyone and everything was in harmony. John cried as he felt the peace among all the creatures, the rocks released more and more water, the natural pools filled to their edges.
John reached out and touched the kittens, the mother lion purred and stretched in the sun. She was happy to share her brood with John and the kittens loved being played with. The ravens ventured over and reached forward with their beaks to be acknowledged and stroked. John ran his hand over their heads and down the slick black feathers on their backs. They jumped with joy, as he loved them. Each animal waited his or her turn for an exchange of energy with John. There was no jealousy or aggression exhibited by any. John’s third eye opened completely. He could see all the communications the animals were sending. He finally got it! These were spirit beings inhabiting animal bodies. Each had a message, gift and healing for him. He didn’t need any translation now. It was all right if they were all sent to interact with him. The exchange he had been having moving from fear to love was palpable. It didn’t get any better than this. This was the sweetest experience of his life. He was here completely. Nowhere else mattered. He was now here!
And then She spoke, “Very good my friend. You are in the experience fully. This is who you are and this is as good as it gets, right?”
John smiled, “Yes, I am content.”
That was it for the communication. John relaxed and trusted that this was heaven if there was one for him. A few more animals entered and a few left. The old three-legged coyote hopped in and made her way to the watering hole to drink. John wondered, what is your story? She looked better. Filled out and much healthier than before. He didn’t even try to figure out how she got here. It didn’t matter. She looked at him and did that snarl-smile again. And he felt her story.
She was an ancient guide for him. She wasn’t a coyote at all, but rather an ancient being from the land of Egypt. Legs didn’t really matter to her as she could move anywhere she wanted. The physical suit was what she used to get his attention, and she liked the canine body. Many times she had lived in the body of the jackal and the pharaoh dog. She asked if he remembered her from before. John was surprised, and sent her the message that he remembered her from a few months ago at his place in the city. She replied, “Not then—before, long before.” With her he didn’t hear a voice. He felt all the communication land in his heart and some of the images circled into his third eye.
Then it started to make more sense. These creatures were all aligned with him and his mission of existence. This was eternal, not just about this life. John thanked the coyote and asked, “What did I call you before? Who?”
“Just call me with your heart and I will come. You don’t need a name for me,” she messaged.
“But I feel like I need a name, and can you help me find my way here?” he begged.
“Your wish sir—you may call me Phix,” she spoke.
John was surprised. Phix. What does that mean, he wondered? Everything’s a riddle with these creatures. At least she had a name. The coyote hopped along.
John let his mind go. Another time. He was enjoying himself too much to think about what it all meant. He lay back and fell asleep again. This time he had the most magical dreams. They were fluid and alive with imagery. He was floating, flying, moving through space and time. Colors, smells, all of his senses were alive with sensation. As he was lying there night turned into day and day into night. When he finally awoke, his body was rested like it had never been before. He felt strong. Alive! His mind wandered to the nymph and he rolled over to the pool of water. Sure enough, she was still swimming to and fro. He reached into the water for her; like a minnow he plucked her out of the water. She grew to full-sized beauty in front of his eyes and sat before him.
“What do you wish of me sir?” the nymph asked. John could not help but admire her beauty. His heart was still open, and he felt passion start to rise in his loins. He tried to hide his attraction. She smiled, “Do not try to hide your desire for me, for I control this desire as easily as you lifting me from the water,” she laughed.
As suddenly as she laughed, she turned into a frightening black monster of a figure. The joy ride was over. John’s heart froze. “I’m sorry!” he exclaimed. The mountain lion stood up and growled, the other creatures all shifted positions and fell into a defensive mode.
“Do not fear me son. You need to know all of the energies you are playing with. I am here to teach you the power of seduction, destruction and man’s weakness for the flesh,” she said.
John still had not moved or taken a breath. He was suddenly transported in time to another place. He knew this energy; it may not be fair to call her a woman. “I know you,” he stammered.
“You don’t know me well, but you do know me. Many worship me; you do not. Many fear me; you need not. You know me from the ancient fires within the earth, long ago. I agreed to meet you again at this time,” she stated.
John relaxed. “My memory fails me. I hope to one day remember our agreement.”
“No, my son. My agreement. You did not ask. I owe you from before. That is why I am here now,” she said. “I will return as your memory awakens.”
“Do you have any suggestions to help me remember?” John asked.
Without hesitation she struck John on the forehead with a very long, fiery tongue. “The seal is broken!” he heard, and she was gone.
John lay on the rocks, shocked, burned. What the hell was that? The devil herself? His forehead hurt. Why did he have to ask her to help? Next time he had to remember not to ask for her help, but she had said she was here to help. He hadn’t asked her. She owed him? If this gets any weirder I might as well check myself into a facility, or at least a good bar, he thought. He looked around the area. The animals were still here. The nymph was no longer in the water, to some relief for John. His stomach growled. It was time to leave this place. He felt a need to say goodbye. The next thing he knew his sore forehead was touching the rocks.
The Mother spoke, “You have done well my son. Yes, it is time for you to leave here. Our jobs are many and the places are more. How’s your forehead?”
“It feels funny. Who was that? What did she do to me?” he asked.
“The questions begin!” She said.
“I can deal with the three-legged coyote but what the hell was that…how many arms did she have? I thought she was a pretty little nymph and she scared the hell out of me!” he exclaimed.
“She packs a powerful punch; it’s good she owes you a debt. It will be fun to watch how this evolves,” Mother stated.
“I was thinking things don’t evolve with you. They are pre-orchestrated. Am I wrong?” John couldn’t help himself. “Sorry, why do I take on this rebellious nature with you?”
“Does the name ‘Mother Nature’ ring a bell?” She asked.
“Of course it rings a bell. Mother Nature, Mother Earth, what does it all mean?” He was back fully in the sarcasm.
“How’s your heart doing?” She questioned.
“My head hurts, my heart is numb. I’m confused about what is going on. I am very impatient. I don’t have any reality or basis to understand this,” he said.
“You have a lot of basis to understand this with your heart. Your black goddess friend has helped your memory by removing the seal that was placed there long ago to block your memory and insights. They will be returning now and you will need her protection as some of the old energies from afar come to covet your gifts,” She shared.
John’s stomach sunk. “Is this some battle against the dark forces? Or something evil?” he asked.
“Let’s just say the players have been around forever,” She said.
“I feel like I am in a Harry Potter movie. ‘Harry, you’re a wizard!’” he smirked.
“Son, you are much more than a wizard,” She said.
“Why do you keep calling me son?” he asked. The animals started to shift, some started to leave. The temperature began to drop. The specialness of the space began to dissipate.
“This is as far as we can go today. I can’t answer any more questions. Ultimately, you have to find the answers yourself,” She said.
“But I’m not looking for answers,” he said, starting to raise his voice, and caught himself.
“You’ve been searching your whole life. The time is drawing near. You will know the answers soon,” She spoke.
The Way Home
John realized he was cold and alone. All of the animals were gone. Everything. Where was he? Did he know the way home? Suddenly he couldn’t breathe. He experienced panic in a way he never had before. What was happening to him? He felt more alone than ever. Was this what it felt like to die? Suddenly he was back down on the rock. Was he ever going to leave this place? More tears began to flow. He grieved his life. He regretted always being a loner and keeping people at arm’s length. He realized he was really lonely.
The moon peeked out from behind the clouds, a full moon at that. He didn’t feel so alone. He heard a voice, “Keep focused on the light. Keep focused on the light. Keep focused on the light.” He stared at the moon for hours, and surprisingly found himself sitting in the pool of water. It was warm. He felt at home. The light of the moon healed his grief and aloneness. He had a friend and felt at peace again. His heart opened wide. Nothing else mattered in this moment, only his connection with the earth, water and moon. He was being nurtured.
Then he thought of his family. It was a rare moment indeed when he thought of the clan he had been born into. He left home when he was young and he rarely ventured back there except to let them know he was alive. He didn’t call or write. Maybe this had been the sadness coming up earlier? He felt his family’s pain; he felt the pain in the lineage. It ran deep. He guessed it was time for a trip home, a trip home to reconnect with “Mother” as he called her. If he had a weak spot, it was the way she would get all excited when he would come in the door. She would wipe her hands on her apron and look at him for a good five minutes before she could say much. His father never forgave him for leaving and couldn’t arouse much emotion as he had shut down any feeling for his son long ago. But his mother would cook and fuss over John as long as he stayed around. His parents were getting on up in years and had long ago retired to the rocker and recliner. They had their routine with the meals, TV and an occasional card game. His mom would badger him about his life and always ask if had he settled down. Her eyes would lower when he shook his head no. He rarely brought someone home with him on his occasional visits. Yes, there was a chunk of sadness in John due to his genetics; nevertheless, it wasn’t a big sticking point for him. But in this time with the moon, on these rocks, with this water he saw he had an opportunity to go home and make peace with his folks. Maybe to say his “goodbyes.” He opened his heart even wider to the family karma. He accepted them the way they were. He sent love from the center of his heart to all of them. The moon shone brighter. The water bubbled inside the pool.
One by one a new batch of animals began to appear. An owl landed on the twisted juniper branch above his head and started to hoot ever so softly. A jackrabbit hopped into the surroundings, as natural as could be. A bunch of lightning bugs lit up the rocky area along with the moonlight. A ground squirrel announced its arrival with a loud squeak. Even a ferret wiggled its way between the rocks to watch the show. John took note of the animals as he opened his heart to his biological family; he smiled as his comfort family from the natural world leaned in. Then he thought, what did She mean by “Mother Nature” and “Mother Earth,” why all the riddles? Why was he so resistant to Her voice? He felt a cool breeze on his face. She was speaking through the wind. This was a cool summer breeze from the west. What would happen if he could just remain open to the Mother figure? I guess we have a relationship, he thought. Maybe beyond anything I can comprehend right now. The water never felt so good. The little pool had turned into a hot springs. How magical was that?
This was a place beyond the three dimensions? Everything looked real, yet it did feel different, so different right now that he didn’t even care what the story was. He felt himself completing all of his emotional attachments to anyone and everyone this lifetime. One by one he connected to the people in his past and said, “Hello, its John River. I am sorry to barge in but I wanted to take this moment to say I am sorry for any misunderstanding or pain I may have caused you in this life. Please accept my sincere apologies. If we ever meet again I promise to do a better job representing my intentions and myself. If you hold any hurts or ill will towards me, I hope you can release them when the time is right. I come and go in peace.”
He felt all of his earthly attachments leaving one by one as he went through this prayer vigil. The moon continued to shine brighter and brighter. He felt satisfied and stepped out of the warm water. Suddenly he was dry. What dimension was this, he wondered?
The ferret wiggled forward to him and dropped a peanut in his hand. John ate it, the nut got caught in his windpipe and he proceeded to cough for several minutes. The wind picked up. He laughed at the silliness of the moment, and then realized all of the elements were working with him in a very synchronistic way—water, air, fire and earth. It wasn’t a feeling of power; no, it was far subtler. It was more a recognition of support. Maybe this explained the dream he had a while back, where he was told he was an elemental alchemist. Was this what that meant? In what dimension would being an elemental alchemist happen?
John thought about home. He didn’t know where he called home at the moment. He was basically living in his truck and camper these days. A friend was keeping Roscoe and the cat, even though they were not happy about it. I guess I’d better go get them, he thought, and lo and behold Roscoe and the cat walked right into the setting. Roscoe was wagging his tail and whole body and the cat was checking out all the other characters on hand. John reached out to pet Roscoe and asked, “How’d you get here, boy?”
The ferret shuffled up and said, “They are one of us. All you had to do was connect with them and invite them here. They travel as easily as we do through the dimensions.”
“What do you mean ‘the dimensions’?” he asked. “I don’t understand?”
“It’s easy!” the ferret replied. “The dimensions of your mind—logic, science, linear thinking. We are beyond those realms in case you haven’t figured that out by now. Yes, I know you think this is some fairytale, and I can assure you it is not.”
Roscoe licked his face as John stared at the ferret. “Hey, I know you, don’t I?” he asked. “There is something familiar about you.”
“Well, I am your fair weather friend and I’ll leave it at that,” the ferret snickered.
John didn’t like the response but there was nothing else he could coax from this creature, so why bother. Now that Roscoe and the cat were here there was little need to rush off. He wasn’t hungry and there was plenty of sweet water here. Why not stay a little longer? It seemed like things were moving fast, not that he was sure what was happening. It had been a while since he had heard from the Mother, and right on cue She said, “Hi there, you are moving right along.”
John was silent for a moment. Rather than jump right in with a bunch of questions he decided to wait. Finally, he said, “Hi.”
Silence filled the air. John waited and did his best not to think, he took some deep breaths, relaxed and imagined his heart embracing the planet Earth. He sent love out to the Mother just as he did for his family a short time ago. He chose love as his communication, he created love as his expression, he embodied love as his witness, and he loved!
John started to see light pouring in and out of everything he looked at; everything was connected. “Keep focused on the light. Keep focused on the light.” He heard this time and time again. He became the light and the light became him. He lay back on the rocks and stretched his body out, reaching up to the heavens. The stars appeared. He wasn’t sure if it was light or dark out. He was seeing everything and he heard a voice, “Congratulations, you are seeing through the dimensions!” He didn’t care what it meant because he now felt what it meant. He wasn’t interpreting his experience through his brain. The brain was neutral, relaxed, drunk with cosmic light. John’s spine arched up into a sharp curve and he began convulsing with shocks of laughter and ecstatic joy. He was definitely levitating off the rocks. The animals were all going into strange poses themselves, but John didn’t notice the animals. He was full on into his own awakening. The black goddess reappeared and stood over him with her sword close at hand. Her tongue was slithering in and out like a giant snake. As John floated higher the goddess put her foot on him to hold him on the earth. John released a tremendous yell. “Let me go!” he screamed. “Let me go!” And he began to cry, weep as he had never before. His body continued to convulse. Suddenly he started to remember lifetimes of death, loss and destruction. He smelled burning, rotting flesh. His own and of many others. Cremation, death, life without memory and then the smell of flesh turned to another smell that startled him. It was so familiar it brought him up to a sitting position.
The Woman and the Pipe
There she was sitting in front of him and she was offering a pipe to him. He bowed down before her before taking the pipe. He chose not to look at her because caution was the best policy in this moment. She asked him to take the pipe. “It is yours,” she said. “Take it.” He took the pipe and she waved her hand over the bowl, igniting the eternal flame. He brought the stem to his lips and drew a deep breath into his lungs. The smoke awakened the memories inside his lungs about his walk with these people of the earth. He still refused to make eye contact with her. She said, “Look at me, my son. It is your right.”
He looked at her and when he did he became overwhelmed again, because he felt he was meeting his Mother for the first time. There was a twinkle in her eye as she saw him recognize that he was home.
She said, “I am like a mother to you my son, but I am not your Mother. Accept my nurturance as a sign that you are almost home; continue on your journey and the rewards will be great. You will keep the pipe and it will become a trusted beacon of truth for you to call upon. A red-tailed hawk screamed overhead. Again, he was uncertain if it was night or day. The hawk landed nearby and hopped to the pool to drink. As John looked from the hawk back to her, she was gone. He was certain that she was the being known as White Buffalo Calf Woman. She was beautiful beyond belief.
“What a strange trip this has been!” he said, laughing, and started to stretch his legs. The pipe had not disappeared. It was still there. “I wonder if this will travel through with me when I leave this place?” he thought. He was very attached to the pipe already. Then he noticed the red-tailed hawk was still there. She. John assumed she was a she because of the way she looked at him. He wondered, “Why does the feminine have so much interest in me? It seems like they all have something to say to me.”
The hawk sent him a laser-sharp message, “Do not rest on the attention you are getting. It is time for the keenest sight you can muster. Be clear about the signs. Don’t lose focus. This is where you have missed the mark in times gone by. You were the special child who got the attention from the mothers. Don’t miss your chance to make it right this time.” She flew away, leaving a red tail feather floating on the water. John leaned down to pick it up and laid it next to the pipe.
“Don’t miss the chance to make it right this time!” he repeated. I hope I don’t miss anything, he thought as he stroked his forehead, fearing another swipe of the whip of the tongue. He looked around cautiously as it began to rain. John thought he needed shelter, though the rain wasn’t heavy yet. Suddenly a turtle waddled by. John decided to follow the turtle a few steps and sure enough, a cave opened up right in the rocks where he had been lying for days. It was like an earth house or an earth ship. The mother ship, he thought. It rained hard outside, the winds blew and a waterfall appeared in front of the cave. The water was flowing into the hole he had been sitting in. It was beautiful. A large bull elk walked into the opening. He bent down to smell the pipe and the pipe was absorbed into his antlers. John wanted that pipe. The elk looked at him and offered, “I’ll keep it safe for you. When you need it, come find me.”
“How?” John shouted. “How do I find you?” The elk walked on. It had no more messages for John. The rain finished and as he looked around, he saw that the place was brimming with more life than before. There were trout in the pools, and a huge grizzly sweeping its paws in the water to catch the fish. Parrots, dragonflies, frogs, grasshoppers, roadrunners and peacocks of the most magnificent colors—it truly was a sight to behold. John wasn’t so pleased with the appearance of a great many snakes—water moccasins, rattlers and copperheads. Just the most dangerous of all the snakes he knew about. “I’m sure they’re OK,” he thought. “I mean, everything else has been safe. I’m just not a fan of snakes!”
Here they came, slithering right towards him. What, was he wearing some attractant? “Love,” the ferret whispered. “They love the scent of love. Nature loves the frequency of love. It’s a vibration they feel safe with. If you shut down the love they will all go away.”
John decided on that note to keep the love flowing. It was time to heal this old wound with serpents, even if it was a bit challenging. He opened his heart a little wider. He sent love to the elk, to the grizzly, parrots and even the snakes. They continued towards him and began to crawl all over his body. They stared him straight in the eye and then he heard something like a trumpet blowing very loudly. He looked overhead as an angel floated down from the heavens with a trumpet in his hands.
“I recognize you, you’re Archangel Gabriel!” John exclaimed. The angel just looked at him. “Well, I could be wrong, but I have always felt a certain connection to you. You announce the coming of things,” John continued. Suddenly very large wings opened on the angel’s back. He blew the trumpet one more time and flew away.
Mother Earth, Mother Nature
John thought that was very exciting. At least he was finally certain about a couple of his visitors. Was he remembering better or was this an easy discovery? John decided not to care—let’s just take it as it comes, he thought. It’s all going to work out. Then he wondered, why did Gabriel blow his horn?
“To think with the mind or to feel with the heart?” That was the question presented to John by someone, something. “It’s obvious the answer lies in the heart,” he heard. So, he opened his arms as wide as possible and said out loud, “Mother Earth, Mother Nature, come to me now!” He knelt on the rocks. The wind stirred, the animals looked up, he caught sight of a winged creature returning to the earth. A light shone bright in his eyes, John couldn’t see and he placed his forehead on the rocks again. He surrendered, prostrating himself on the Mother Earth, and everything went blank. He felt Roscoe licking his face when he started to come to. What had happened? He wasn’t sure, but he remembered asking for Mother Earth to come. He noticed he was sitting within a circle of pinecones, mint, flowers and fennel. He picked up some mint and tasted it as well as the fennel. Interesting flavors and the flowers smelled more fragrant than anything he could remember flowers smelling like. He asked, “What would you have me do, Mother? I am your servant.”
He could see the elk at a distance. Was it standing on two legs? He felt a cool breeze. Then he heard her voice; it sounded deeper. “You will move back into the world you are used to now. You will have messages to relay to the people when the time is right. You do not have to worry about your safety, for you are greatly protected now. In the time ahead you will be used to communicate a very important message.”
John hesitated, not sure what to say. He simply nodded. Suddenly a fierce sadness swept over him. He didn’t want to be used for the salvation of others again. Why did it always have to be him?
“I know my son, it seems like an insurmountable task, but you have agreed to this. It will have its rewards and it will make things right for you,” she said.
“This is what I have been waiting for? Maybe the waiting is over?” he muttered.
“Go now, it is time,” She said.
The skies opened and the sun shone bright into the opening. Everything else dimmed in color and returned to a more normal appearance. The animals that were just there had disappeared. Even Roscoe and the cat were gone. Strange, he thought. I guess I am back! Where did I park my truck? It was very strange trying to walk—he definitely felt drunk. There was no hurry. He could sit in the truck for a while before he drove. Sure enough, he made it to the truck. Where were the keys? He found them in his backpack; all seemed normal in the truck. He sat there for a good while and then he started the engine and drove off down the road.
The Real World
An uneventful week, then another, passed as he settled back into his “normal” life. It was very surreal. How do you go back to an old, albeit non-typical lifestyle, after the recent events? I mean, there isn’t much to talk about here. He was living in the back of his camper truck parked at a friend’s house. He had recently let his rental house go because he didn’t like the overhead and knew he was being called to a more nomadic lifestyle in the times ahead. But he did get a little depressed; he was back playing the waiting game and not completely sure he wanted to re-enter the fantasy world he had left. He hadn’t dared meditate since his return, deciding he would wait for the right time. He was getting restless in this depressed state. Finally, on the night of the next full moon he headed for the forest to a natural hot springs to soak. He figured this was as good a time as any to dip his toe back into the natural world. On the drive there he felt himself getting overly excited, his heart started beating high into his chest, he felt alive in an exaggerated way. He brought Roscoe and the cat along, figuring they might as well have a front row seat.
Then he thought about it. “What do I expect to happen? I mean nothing could happen. It’s been relatively calm, not even many dreams.” It was like he had gotten all of the fantasy stuff out of his system. Maybe he was hoping so. As the drive continued through the mountains he had the strangest feeling he was being watched, followed and even pursued. He thought, “Am I becoming paranoid?” He touched his forehead. It was hot, burning like fire. He had to pull over. Oh shit, it was happening. He couldn’t take it anymore and he screamed, “What do you want me to do? I can’t stand the waiting. It’s killing me!” He broke down and sobbed. He hit the steering wheel on the truck. “I hate the waiting game, it sucks!” Right then a strong smell hit his nostrils. It was definitely a plant— a pungent one. Then he saw it. It was a huge white sage plant. It was glowing a white, olive-green color and the aroma was intoxicating. He got out of his truck and began walking over to it. As he neared it he was slammed to his knees, kneeling before the plant. Some indescribable force took over his bodily functions. The last thing he remembered noticing were the rocks around the plant, placed like some primitive altar. He awoke with his forehead pinned against the center stone and he could smell something burning. When he rose up, the upper tips of the sage plant were burning ever so gently. “Should I put this out?” he thought, and then realized that he hadn’t lit the fire. It must not be real. He reached over and immediately burned his hand—OK, bad idea. He realized he felt better all of a sudden—it was like the sage and the fire had cleansed him in some way.
He figured he might as well ask the plant a few questions, and began with, “Why are you burning?”
“Excuse me, most beautiful, fragrant and powerful sage plant, may I ask you why you are burning?” he humbly asked. A blue jay landed a few feet away and started squawking. He had a very ferret-like quality. Roscoe jumped out of the truck to see what the noise was about.
The blue jay hopped closer. Still nothing.
John sat down and relaxed with the sage plant. He was in no rush. He was definitely intoxicated by the aroma of this mother plant. “You are beautiful,” he said. He sat there another fifteen minutes, still nothing. The flames still burned a low blue at the top of the plant. “I know it’s hot,” he thought and shook his head at the spectacle. Then he said, “Why not? I open my heart to you as a gift being offered me by the Mother Earth. I receive your message and I am willing to receive nothing at all. I am content to sit here with you, although the flame is a little baffling to me.” The wind picked up.
The blue jay leaned in further and sure enough, it turned into the ferret. “Hey, what’s up doc?” he smirked.
“Hi, my fair weather friend,” said John. “I guess you’re here to save the day.”
“What do you make of this, John River?” the ferret snidely asked.
“I don’t know,” John replied honestly.
“Well, why not ask your heart?” asked the ferret.
John said to himself, “Is this a cartoon? Why do I keep having these experiences with plants and animals?”
“Because we’re not animals silly, we just look like animals to satisfy your brain. You don’t remember me, do you?” the ferret continued.
“No, I don’t,” John replied. “Sorry.”
“No bother, one day you might,” the ferret snickered, again.
John brushed aside the ferret and spoke to the sage, “I will say goodbye now. Thank you for helping me ground and clear. I will stop and see you on the way back out of here.” He looked back as he got into the truck—the ferret was now a blue jay again. The sage plant looked normal, no flames that he could see. He decided not to try to figure anything out. It was best he got his truck out of the gravel road before he opened his heart, anyway. If anything, he had learned a few pieces of wisdom regarding the heart and seeing through the dimensions. Roscoe leaned closer as he drove to the hot springs. It will be nice to be in the water looking at the moon, John thought.
As John drove down the dusty gravel road he kept smelling sage—fresh sage, burning sage. His olfactory senses were working overtime. And then the sage plant began to communicate to him through images right into his pineal gland. The plant showed him to come back every fall and start to collect seed from her. He was to save this seed for the future. That’s all he was shown except for the flame part, and that would remain a mystery for now. “The burning bush!” he thought, and chuckled as he drove on. At least he felt more in control now. It’s not like he got stuck at this plant alongside the road for hours on end. He felt good.
When he parked at the hot springs there were some other cars, not a good sign for the temperament of the pool. Usually meant some kids drinking and partying, capable of burning out at any moment. Alcohol and hot water don’t mix well. By the time he walked to the pools the partiers were rowdy, drunk and hungry. All they could talk about was food, so they left shortly after he arrived. They left the place messier than when they got there, he was certain. He looked at the bits of trash and decided to pick it up before he got in the water. The smell of sage grew stronger, and before he knew what was happening, sage smoke was coming out of his hands. In no time the place felt cleansed. One of the partiers came back looking for keys but left very quickly at the sight of John and the smoke. He asked about the keys, John shook his head no and the guy split just like that. John was alone and ready to soak. It didn’t even freak him out about the sage. It seemed natural. When he eased into the water his body melted into the fire of the Mother Earth. He found himself crying again, weeping for joy as he felt he was truly inside the womb of the Mother. He felt at home and at peace. He laid his head back on the rocks and breathed in the night air. Looking back over his head he could see the moon breaking the horizon. “Keep focused on the light. Keep focused on the light. Keep focused on the light,” he heard, and found himself saying at the end.
“Why is this thing about opening the heart always a choice for me? Why can’t my heart just stay open? Why is it so different when my heart is not open? Why do I have to make the choice and the effort to open it?” he wondered aloud.
“Because your mind is full of questions, my son. In your mind you are an individual, in your heart you are everyone,” he heard. “Why are you here tonight? Why did you come?” She asked.
“Questions?” he volunteered. “I am surprised you would ask. I missed you. You said to me the last time, ‘What life?’ It is true. I don’t have a normal life, never have and probably never will. You are my family. I want to be with you. Speak with you. Learn how to stay open and figure out with my heart what I am here to do, and get on with that.”
“That pleases me and is the right answer in so many ways, and I hate to disappoint you when I tell you that you have to go back to them,” She said.
“Who?” he asked.
“Your kind, your people,” She said.
“Not my people, your people. You created them, not me. I don’t even like most of them!” he said, as the water got hotter.
“Well, that is true, but as the messenger you will go back and help them,” She stated.
John slumped deeper into the water. Silence!
“Yes, my son, it is a free-will zone here, but you have much business this lifetime to accomplish. This is not my doing, it is yours,” She consoled.
Finally, he said, “Just when I think I can give in and let go, things get flipped the opposite way. I was thinking I could stay in this reality with you and forget going back to the so-called ‘real world.’ I don’t fit in there anyway. I think it would be grandiose for me to think I could help anyone, probably delusional. What do I have to say to anyone?”
Suddenly the earth started to shake. What was going on? A bunch of bubbles surged out of the bottom of the pool. What was that?
John went on, “I hope that wasn’t about me. Maybe I’m feeling sorry for myself. Is true happiness experienced fitting in with all the others, being part of the pack? Or is true happiness achieved by finding your spiritual destiny? I don’t see how those are the same for me. I think they are different. I am willing to trust that I have a purpose this lifetime. I am willing to live in such a way that I remember my other lifetimes and karma associated with them. I am willing to clear that karma with those that have a vested interest in me doing so. But please, whatever you do, don’t tell me I have to go and fit in with the others. I can’t do that. I won’t do that, because it is not possible for me. I didn’t come from that.” He added, “You can’t teach this old dog those new tricks,” as he tried to lighten up at the end.
“What? I don’t get anything this time? This is very frustrating for me to be a part of. I feel like this is so important and here I am trying my best to communicate and be pliable and accepting. All I get is silence and more riddles!” he exclaimed. “Personally, as much as I want to believe in all this hocus pocus, it feels like someone is playing a big joke on me. I guess I do feel sorry for myself. Most of the time I don’t have much faith. I don’t fit in because I don’t want to fit in. I don’t have anywhere to go.” He slumped into the water and something happened to him. He let go completely, dissolving into the water. He breathed the water into his lungs very gently through his nose. Some fear moved out of his lungs, he remained neutral. He breathed more and more deeply, lying motionless on the bottom of the pool. The water flowed in and out of his lungs very naturally. He didn’t need oxygen. And then, he heard a voice.
“You are learning to take risks, pushing the limits of what your mind allows. Be careful to not do more than you are capable just yet, though you are learning fast. You trust the water intimately. Most do not know that you can breathe this way,” the Mother said.
What was he doing? Holding his breath, breathing water or trying to drown? He honestly didn’t know. It was like something he had done before, some innate memory stored inside. He stayed under a while longer and when he gently came up the water flowed out of his lungs without altercation, very naturally. He found himself hurting inside—his emotions hurt. He didn’t know why or how to make sense of it, and then She spoke again.
“This is why you have to go back. You have the ability to feel and work with collective, cultural, species as well as planetary pain,” She said.
“What kind of curse is that?” John asked. “I am telling you I did not sign on for this! I don’t like fighting, but I will fight you on this one. I don’t want the job,” he professed. “I don’t understand how this is part of my destiny.”
The black goddess appeared.
“Oh shit,” John whispered. “I may not actually want to fight you, but just strongly disagree.” He wouldn’t look at her. “I guess I’ve done some horrible stuff in other lifetimes. Is this about me making up for it in this one? I really don’t want to fight, or be a normal human being.”
“Maybe that’s because you are neither a fighter nor a normal human being, though you can do both if necessary,” Mother continued.
“Can you let me in on what I have to do?” John asked. “Not that I am agreeing to anything as of yet.” He thought a bit more, and continued, “Do you have any idea how long this is going to take? And, who is that over there?”
“That would be an old friend of yours, a very loyal friend. For this story to play out, my son, it will do you no good for me to unravel it for you. No, this is part of your destiny. All I can do is steer you back on course when you have strayed. It seems I can do much more, but in your case I am limited regarding giving you specific direction. You have amazing instincts, you just have to use them,” She shared.
“Why do I feel like I am losing my mind?” he said.
“Hopefully, you are,” She replied.
“That’s comforting for a misfit like me. Whom could I turn to for help? I have no one to lean on,” he moaned.
“You have more support than you would ever imagine. In case you haven’t noticed, the beings making themselves known to you now are not just your average apparitions. No, these are very high beings that have a vested interest in you. Now you just have to find out why they have an investment in your journey. Find this out and you will understand your karma and this life,” She stated matter-of-factly.
“I don’t think I’m special; you act like I am and tell me that I’m not, then these mystery beings are showing up that are very non-typical to say the least. I’m understanding that you are not going to tell me what I want to hear, so I just have to be patient and take it as it comes,” he said. And with that he surrendered to the light, saying, “Take me and do with me as you see fit, guide me on this journey as best you can.”
His body suddenly filled with light and energy, infinity symbols were pulsing through him, and he could see cobwebs of light connecting him with everything visible to the eye and everything imaginable to the mind. He was connected. Then he saw other geometric symbols such as triangles, pyramids, circles, squares, crosses, pentagrams with the infinity symbols, all moving, floating and intersecting in time and space. He began to understand the spiritual connection and relationship of many things to one another. As stardust, we are all made of the same material. Quantum physics, sacred geometry and sacred architecture made more sense to him in this moment. He didn’t want to leave this place. To go back to what, he thought? He was left alone the rest of the night, alone with himself, Roscoe and the cat. Even though the moon was out he didn’t feel compelled to commune with the elements. To say he was downtrodden was an understatement, yet in the same vein he accepted his fate—whatever ridiculous, crazy adventure that might be. John was so preoccupied he drove right past the glowing sage plant and didn’t even notice its slight pyrotechnic light show for him. No, he was lost in the overall sense of the word. Just when he felt like he had found his way, it was ripped away!
Back to the Real World
Then his brain did a double whammy on him. While it had him down, it might as well rub some more salt in the wounds. Might as well kick him a few times in the ribs. His thoughts were negative beyond usual. He kept hearing, “You should give up, you’re crazy!” Before he could make it back to his friend’s place he had to pull over and rest. All of his energy was being sucked out. He didn’t even notice that he had pulled over in front of a police station as he leaned his head back. Before long there was a tap at the window. He awoke and rolled down the window to a bright light shining in his eyes. The officer fully expected a drunken response, but John came to very coherently. He explained he had gotten sleepy and had pulled over; no, there was no alcohol or any drugs. After a brief sobriety test the officer let him go for some bigger fish to fry, as his walkie-talkie started ordering him elsewhere. John drove on with a heavy feeling inside. What was the point?
Roscoe snuggled over close to John and the cat wanted to lie close, also; they helped lift the heaviness eventually. Each time John would look down at them, each one would give him a wag of the tail and a lick on the hand, arm or any appendage close by. John felt comforted by this. Then he let out a loud sigh and said, “It’s all going to work out!” And that was the end of the darkness for this night.
He arrived at the place he was staying. His friend was still away on an extended trip, so John went in to check on things in the house. The thought of having a home came up again and he decided he was going to buy the used Airstream trailer he had seen in the neighborhood with a “For Sale” sign on it. As long as he could find a place to park it, he could be as comfortable in there as any home. For now, there was plenty of room in this driveway for a 23’ trailer and his Dodge pickup truck with the camper shell on the back. He didn’t own much stuff and believed in traveling light; with the trailer he would easily have storage for all of his tools and belongings. He had been researching a way to get free Wi-Fi off of an old, slightly modified, satellite dish pointed in the right direction in the sky. He thought he could just hook this up to the trailer and he would have all the modern conveniences. Who knows, maybe he would tootle around the country for a while, visit a few folks, see some countryside, and use that Airstream? With his tools in tow he could easily make enough money doing day labor jobs. He knew a few people around the states and all of them needed something repaired. Plus, he was good at finding jobs on Craigslist if necessary. He decided to buy the trailer first thing the next morning.
He had to kick the tires a bunch of times, walk away and even drive off at the end before he got the price down to an acceptable level. It wasn’t much to brag about but it did have a good set of tires on it, so John felt like the Airstream was a good purchase. It was cool enough in the travel world to be a great investment and once he worked his magic on it he knew he could double his money on it. First thing he did was take a couple of solar panels he got the seller to throw in on the deal and mount those on top. Now most of his power needs were handled; it was doubtful that he would be using the air conditioner, so the need for high voltage was nil. His Dodge pickup was in great condition, so he had no worries about road trips, and parking became much easier once he was on the road because he could utilize truck stops and Wal-Marts for all his parking needs. If he wanted a longer break there were always campgrounds and truck rest stops. He was content for now. Roscoe and the cat could travel along; both were low maintenance and much happier with him than not.
So, life on the road began again. Up until this point in the story you don’t know a lot about John’s history, past, family or friends. Unfortunately, you’re not going to get a bunch of information now. Some things are best left unsaid. Not that he is running from his past, rather it is more like his past is running from him. As much as you may want to know more, the muse of the story says for you to do your best to read into his past, put yourself in his shoes. Is your life the cut and dry, normal life? What are you here to do in this lifetime? Are you experiencing some of these same things, though perhaps to a much lesser degree? Hopefully, to a lesser degree! This story isn’t over by any stretch. In some ways we are just getting started, and you are going to get to know much more about John River as you read along. What do you think is going to happen to him?
Remember the movie Shane, where the cowboy mysteriously rides into the story and out again? We don’t know anything about his past, we just like him, and when he rides off into the sunset we are sorry to see him go. “Don’t go Shane, don’t go!” the little boy cries at the end of the movie. This is much the case with John. We don’t know a lot about him, but we can identify him by what we see, hear and feel in the moment. You know you just have a feeling about some people. I promise you that John isn’t a fugitive and he isn’t running from anyone or anything. All of his past has been about “the waiting game” mentioned earlier. He has not been happy or satisfied in any setting in his life so far. You can figure he is in his forties, but you can’t tell his age for sure—just somewhere in there. He may have an accent, but not a typical accent from any one place, more a mixture of many places. He rarely talks about his past, and only occasionally may mention he has been somewhere before. His sights are focused in the moment or somewhere slightly in the future, typically not very far in the future.
So, that pretty much sums up the identity of John River. Yes, as far as we can tell, John River is his name. Of the couple of people who have met his family, one was able to verify the name River was on the mailbox. And there was a glimpse into an old high school yearbook that identified John as a star athlete—baseball, basketball and football. He maintains a level of athleticism in his life today, not by the sports he plays but by the way he lives and gets around in his body. He is fluid, flexible and agile. As was also mentioned before, he is great with his hands. He definitely has the “Midas touch.” He can fix, repair, start, run and drive any instrument, tool or vehicle. He is a modern-day cowboy, except his horse is his Dodge Ram pickup truck. He opted for a four-wheel drive with a V-8 engine so he can go just about anywhere and pull a camper or trailer easily. Now that he has the Airstream, it looks like he has it figured out as he is hitting the road for parts unknown.
The Long Road Home
He loaded up the truck and Airstream with everything to his name. Bits and pieces were scattered here and there but it didn’t take long to hit the road. He decided to head east from the West Coast. He always liked to travel the Mother Road—Old Route 66,and took off knowing a few stops he would look for along the way. John thought about the advent of the automobile with Ford’s Model T in 1908, and how this changed the face of America forever. To think that not much more than one hundred years ago people were traveling these parts on horseback. What a change had taken place during this time. He remembered a funny anecdote offered by Henry Ford when asked why he came out with the automobile. Paraphrasing the quote, he said he didn’t mind taking risks and trusting his own intuition to invent more than what people wanted from him at the time, and if he had given people what they wanted he would have just given them a faster horse. At the time, nobody was thinking about society moving by motorized vehicles. He didn’t mind taking that risk. John thought a lot about this. Could he take the risk to trust himself enough to be accountable to his fellow man? What could he possibly do or contribute that would have any affect on anything more than a few people here or there? It was baffling to him, but then what guarantees did Henry Ford have about getting people to accept noisy, smoky contraptions with no roads built yet to drive them on? How could he have known man was ready to give up the trusted steed and that relationship of transport? It was a good analogy for his brain to ponder, until his ego reminded him, “Who do you think you are to compare yourself to Henry Ford? That is delusional!”
As he ventured out into the Mojave desert lands he once again fell in love with the setting sun and the Joshua trees standing on the horizon. He couldn’t help himself—driving off the main roads to search out an old desert road into the forest called him too loudly to resist. What was it about the desert that always enthralled him so? Sure enough, he found the turnoff he was looking for and a good place to park his caravan. He figured this was a good time to enter the forest and do a meditation on the rocks still hot from the just setting sun. OK, he wasn’t exactly mingling with “the people.” But he was trying. Just a little break for the night, then he’d be back on the road by morning—not that he was sure where he was headed. He liked the Airstream and Roscoe and the cat were quite happy with the new home on wheels. When he went out for a hike both figured they were allowed to tag along. It was interesting to see the three of them traipsing across the dark desert. The cat stayed close to John and Roscoe just in case they crossed the path of a hungry coyote. Everything seemed fine and John found a nice place on the rocks to lie down and move into a meditative state. He did so easily and opened his heart right up to the rocks, Joshua trees and desert landscape, as well as the night sky and the cool breeze moving through. It was very peaceful, without any fireworks. A lot of energy moved, but there were no visitations by beings or voices. John felt relieved in some way. “Maybe it’s over?” he thought. He felt great and the amount of energy that moved through him invigorated him, kind of like the old days. Roscoe and the cat were fine and there were no intrusions of wild critters. Just when John was about to head back to the truck a falling star did a strange thing. He couldn’t help but watch it—it was falling through the atmosphere, and just when it got low to the horizon it continued on and didn’t appear to burn out. What was that, he thought?
As they made it back to the Airstream, John decided to bed everyone down for a few hours’ rest before they moved on down the road. He liked sleeping in his own bedroom even if he had to share it with the cat. Roscoe liked the couch at the other end of the trailer. After a few hours’ sleep and a quick breakfast they were on the road. Traveling this way suited John; he felt like he could go anywhere and be fine. He decided to head south and journey into Sedona, Arizona. He had always wanted to visit there and figured he could find some work in the small tourist town. He might even want to hang out there for a while.
He had to pull over several times on his way into the area; it was so picturesque that it was hard to drive and look at the same time. He was in no rush, so he’d pull over, get out his camera and take pictures. He loved Bell Rock, and then as he got closer to the city the rock formations stupefied him as to their creation. He started to buzz with energy as he arrived in the city. He had heard all of the new age jargon about the mysticism of the place and had doubted that it would be very impressive. He was greatly impressed by what he felt as he drove around. He liked the town so much he went to a trailer park and talked the manager into free parking for repair work around the grounds. It was a good fit. He could work one day a week for the hookups and parking spot, doing specialized work like electrical wiring or troubleshooting issues that had not been fixed by others. This was one of John’s specialties and within a matter of days he had proven himself indispensible to the manager of the trailer park. The manager offered him a parking spot as long as he wanted to stay there. He fixed Wi-Fi problems, a plumbing leak in the laundry room, several electrical shorts, and figured out a better way to place and park some of the other trailers. He was a hit with the trailer crowd. This left him six days a week to explore and see Sedona. He had great passion to explore this energetic vortex. So, lo and behold, when he was offered a job driving for a jeep tour company he accepted. This should put him in contact with “the people,” he thought.
He could not promise the owners how long he would be there, but he could repair the jeeps out on the trail if anything went amiss. They liked him, hired him and threw him in a jeep faster than you could say, “Sedona Starship!” As always, John pulled it off. He wondered why he accepted. Then he got it. This was a good cross section of people from around the planet. He could study them here and observe if there were any messages coming in for him to pay attention to. He knew he would get restless fast, but he decided to give it some time and see what happened.
He met interesting people both places—the trailer park and the jeep company. Work was one thing and the energy vortexes were another. John found himself in love with the intense energy of this place. He would go out as often as he could to lie on the rocks and meditate, relax and dream. It had been a while since he had any contact with the Mother or any of his new/old friends. Of course, if it were going to explode, Sedona would be just the place for it. Here’s how it happened.
John had been in a comfort zone for a few weeks. He was kind of having fun fitting in, meeting people and living the normal life. I mean, if you call living in a trailer park in a tourist town normal. But for John this was quite a step. He had gotten a little lazy with his meditations. He would still get very high with the energy of a place like Sedona, yet one key point was missing. He wasn’t opening his heart. He was opening his mind and he felt like he was connecting to the Universe in a big way, but he wasn’t really connecting. No exchange was happening. He was in awe of the energy flow, but it was coming through his mind. Not the same as through his heart. So, a big smack occurred.
John was lying in a particularly beautiful spot in Oak Creek Canyon on a big rock with water streaming past. The sun was disappearing into dusk. He was in awe of it all. He opened his eyes to see a large set of wings overhead and “smack,” a large trout hit him in the center of his chest, knocking the wind out of him. He thought he might have a heart attack as the trout hit him like a ton of bricks. His heart burst open as he lay there in shock and he whispered, “You got my attention. Speak, please.”
The bald eagle circled back overhead, dove back down and snatched the poor trout out of the stream again. John didn’t know who was going to die of shock first. The eagle didn’t drop the trout this time, and John didn’t take his eyes off of the eagle until it was long gone. Then She spoke, “You have been forgetting one very important condition.”
John said, “I guess it has something to do with the heart!”
“You guessed right, my son. Things have been on hold for you to finally get the importance of this condition,” She said.
“Couldn’t you have done it a little more gently, with a little more compassion?” he asked.
“It all depends on how you want to look at it. I thought the eagle and trout was rather artistic and beautiful,” She added humorously.
“It almost gave me a heart attack, if you want to call that artistic! But you made your point. I don’t always know when my heart is open,” he concluded.
“Exactly, and now it’s time you get it. Your world is full of ungrounded mentalists. Disconnected non-believers in the natural world. You are one of those when you are asking questions with the mind. You will need to use your mind to remember this lesson. Call it lesson number one. The answers you are looking for always exist in the heart. Rarely, if ever, are they in the head. There are many modern practices trying to get to the truth by opening the mind. They will only be partially successful, though very popular to those who want to use the mind and ego to feel better than others in some way. These practices always have an element of superiority to them. The practices and teachings based in the heart will always attract nature like a beacon because nature trusts the purity and similar vibrations of the heart. You needed a good smack today to wake you up and remind you how powerful the experiences of the heart are. Don’t make me whack you with a trout again,” She teased.
“Got it. But I still don’t always know when I am in my heart,” he persisted.
“I just told you, nature would come and make its presence known if you are in the heart. Your heart is a beacon. When you think you are in your heart you will be thinking and when you feel you are in your heart nature will dance in your face,” She replied.
“But I thought those beings were more than animal—you mentioned some were spirit beings and guides for me from other dimensions and lifetimes,” he questioned.
“Yes, and…? Let me just say you and the others will recognize these special beings as nature. If you pay attention, you will start to learn the difference between a regular animal and a spirit being. And, you will start to recognize why the spirit beings are showing up. It’s all based…”
“On the heart!” they both concluded.
“I think it’s drilled in now,” he said. “What’s next?”
“You work with this one until you have it without question. Everything we do will build off of this,” She finished. John lay there still bound, glued to the rock for a while longer, much longer actually. He fell asleep on the rock, as he was prone to do in nature. His heart was wide open because he wasn’t trying to figure anything out. He didn’t need to control anything, so he didn’t try to figure any of it out. Simple. He would sleep on this rock for as long as he could. As had happened before, the rock he was resting on became like a memory foam mattress around him. He was comforted, safe and protected. He slept soundly and his dreams were activated. More started to reveal itself about energy, vortices and his guardianship of these natural flows. He was shown how the heart was the energy fulcrum in the body, and equally it was the doorway to the natural world.
John’s questions about the experience of the heart flowed as a movie and were answered in his dreams. He was shown the difference between living in his head versus his heart. The dream state not only revealed the difference in visual ways, it integrated a whole body experience where John felt himself alone, isolated, connected to nothing, and then immersed in light and love connected to everything. Not only were the dreams lucid; John felt himself talking and interacting with the dream state and Mother Nature simultaneously. His heart had never felt better!
Then he got it. He woke up he got it so well. He was shown how his ego created a dual reality that was persistently present. It was invested in controlling his experience through pain and suffering, and feelings of aloneness and separation. He heard himself say, “When I figure it out,” and realized this was his ego working through his brain. It created this incessant need to wait to live life, to figure things out, to try to control outcomes. His ego/brain activities had no faith in the Universe and had little connection to Mother Earth.
And then he got it even more! Mother Nature was preaching to the choir with him. She had said it herself a while back, “We have a live one!” Meaning She was delighted in having his attention, and She was now trying to help him with the understanding of his need to understand things. He loved understanding how and why things worked and now he was “getting” the difference of understanding it in the head or in the heart. The head was looking for the information from a place of fear and control. The heart was viewing it all from a place of artistry, acknowledgment and gratitude. The heart accepted things in the natural world and understood humans’ place in it all, whereas the head always had an agenda—kind of like in the phrase “to get ahead!”
These distinctions may seem small to you, but to John in this moment they were huge—they pushed him to really feel his faith and trust in the eternalness of his spirit. It made him consider the possibility that his spirit was connected to everything through a frequency of love and that his spirit was love from the beginning. His mind did not want to leave him alone here and tried to make fun of this revelation, but John was having no part of it. He was choosing the feeling and expression of love. He was so focused he did not realize the little hummingbird was sitting on his shoulder until she started flapping her wings, then he heard the song she had been singing to him. Goosebumps started to shimmer up and down his spine and his essence entered his body without obstruction. His nervous system was lit up and turned on. “Alright,” he said. “I got it, what next?”
The ferret slithered in about this time. He lay on a rock close to John, waiting for his moment to speak. As John was really getting it, the weasel had his two cents to chime in. “Bravo!” he exclaimed. “You finally get it, got it. Got what?”
John said, “The truth about the heart. I feel the truth about love and being in the heart with my experience of life, and when I am in this place nature dances for me. There is no mistaking the energy. This energy connects me to everything. I feel it, hear it, taste it, smell it, and see it. There’s no disputing it as the glue that holds the Universe together. I believe in the light and the power of love. My brain pales in comparison.”
“You may be in for a big surprise,” said the smiling ferret. “Who cares about your feelings of connection to the Universe but you? It seems fake, like someone searching for something because they have nothing. I don’t mean to sound negative, but you sound like a loser to me.”
John turned to look at the ferret, or was he a weasel? “Who exactly are you? I don’t remember inviting you or your opinion here, so why don’t you scoot on off to your den?”
“Touchy, huh?” the ferret smirked. “I’m only here to keep you honest. Just look at your life. You’re a lonely loner all alone. You’re probably crazy.”
“I’m definitely crazy! Who in their right mind would sit here being ridiculed by a weasel?” he said.
“A ferret,” the little creature snapped.
“I don’t care what you are, all I know is you sound like the doubting, unsatisfied part of my brain that Mother Earth has been helping me to let go of, so I request of you to leave. Get lost!” John waved his hand dismissingly.
“I beg your pardon?” the ferret chirped.
“I said get lost!” John repeated.
The ferret weaseled off down the side of the stream. John felt relieved. He had actually stood up to negativity in a new way. Obviously, the ferret was there to bring his awareness to something. Aha, he got it. The Mother Earth was behind this, too. It was another test, or was it? At least it seemed like she was behind everything these days.
This thing about the heart was important and still John wondered why he had to get it so clearly. Isn’t life a bundle of mysteries and contradictions? Everyone tries to figure things out in their life—it’s normal.
“A lonely loner all alone!” That weasel sure knew how to hit below the belt. John found himself reviewing that comment a lot more than he’d like to think about it. Why did it bother him? He was a loner most of the time, all alone, just not lonely. But something about it hit John in the belly. Was he rebelling from society? Normalcy? Typical existence? Or, was he on his own journey in life? A solo route of discovery. He truly never felt lonely, not in the typical sense. He never cared for mindless chatter. He really lived to exist with nature and the feeling of independence and freedom.
As his mind wondered, he noticed an apple tree near the edge of the stream. He was very hungry and the tree was loaded with apples. He walked over to the tree and reached for a low hanging fruit. When the apple released into his hand John felt an immense gratitude for this tree and this fruit. Before he tasted the apple he gave thanks to the Mother Earth for the abundance in front of him. His mouth started to water. When he tasted the apple, tears rolled to his eyes as he marveled at the beauty of life before him. There were honeybees, butterflies and ravens flying all around. It was like the tree was being celebrated for giving birth to so much life. And suddenly before him John saw a line of loaded fruit trees—apple, peach, pear and apricot. He walked along admiring each and every tree, picking one low-hanging fruit off of each. By the time he reached the end of the line he had an upturned shirt bottom full of various fruit. He felt more than abundant, very rich with a harvest of life force! As he stepped forward a light appeared in the red rock walls in front of him. The light led him to the hidden entrance of a small cave. Again John thought, “Why am I here? Where am I?” Still, he continued forward, almost trance-like in his gait. As he entered the cave he bowed down to fit through the tiniest of entrances, completely hidden from the common eye.
John walked in with his load of fruit and let his eyes adjust to the apparent darkness, with the dim light still leading him forward. There was a tunnel there for him to follow and he continued walking. He felt himself being let into the heart of Mother Earth. He came to a large, circular opening, something like an amphitheater. There was a natural basket-like basin in the middle of the floor of this underground cave. John walked over and gently placed the fruit inside the basin. He settled on down to the floor and the light dispersed to several reflective mantles in the room. John stayed present to the moment and decided to remain open instead of trying to figure things out. He smiled to himself and thought, “I’ll just enjoy the show.”
He remembered that he was hungry, so he elected to try a peach. As he bit into the peach the most amazing, sweet nectar flowed down his arms. His saliva glands gushed so much wetness that he thought he might choke on the liquids moving down his throat. He thought, “I could live here. I’m not alone. I’m never alone.” A deep contentment washed over him. The next thing he knew he leaned back on the rock floor and fell asleep.
He dreamt as he slept, he wept as he dreamt and the Mother contained him in her bosom. He lay cuddled with the fruit vibrating life force into the crown of his head. John could have died in this moment. He was in heaven. He did not want to come back, but the Mother nudged him to awaken. “It is time my son, you have rested enough,” She said to him. He moaned and groaned as he wrestled for a little more respite. But no, it was time to wake up!
Suddenly his eyes were staring up at the blackened roof of the cave. Was it black or just dark from lack of light, he thought? He heard a whisper, “It’s never too late.”
He repeated, “It’s never too late? What does that mean?” He sat up feeling rested, and ever so curious. He looked around the cave. He kept feeling the floor of the cave, because as he was sleeping he knew he’d felt a heartbeat or pulse coming from the rock floor. “What is this place?” he asked aloud.
“It’s never too late,” he heard again.
“Too late for what?” he raised his voice.
“It’s never too late for you to find your faith. For you to discover who you are, to understand what you are here to do,” he heard.
“You’re right about that!” he said. “I’d love to know what all of this is about right here and now. If you know, please tell me.” He knelt down and placed his forehead on the rock floor. “Please tell me. It’s never too late to know the truth.” He began to weep and his tears started to form pools of moisture in the tiny basin where the fruit was lying. John cried for himself, his life and the Mother Earth. “Please forgive me, I know not what I do. I know not who I am except that I am a lonely traveler trying to find my way in a land where I have no allegiance to those like me.I have a strange connection to something I can’t explain. It’s crazy and I don’t know if I am losing my mind. These things happening to me don’t make sense anymore and I don’t even care. All I want to do is to finish this thing, get on with it so I can be left alone.”
He opened his eyes and saw that the fruits were floating in the natural basin filled with his tears. As he watched, the fruit began to circle the basin. He realized that the small pool of water was gently spinning from its center. John watched this amazing display of energy and motion. It was a natural vortex. He opened his heart to the dance of the energy, fruit and water. Suddenly the fruit swirled faster and began to rise up, spinning in a tighter and tighter circle. He began to play with the fruit with his imagination. The fruit glowed with light and danced in and out of the configuration. It moved in circles, figure eights and straight lines. The fruit turned to tennis balls, fireballs and back to fruit. Then the floor opened deeper into the Mother Earth. It was like a huge belly button. The fruit turned into a spinning vortex of light moving deep into the earth. Suddenly John was suspended in the stream of light with his arms outstretched, the light flowing completely through him from deep inside the earth, up and out of the cave. It was never too late for him to experience this. It was never too late for him to realize the Mother Earth wanted to work through him. That was her message to him. He reached out his hand and caught another peach and the vortex stood still. He sat down on the floor of the cave and ate the peach. He was deep in thought as he chewed on the ripe fruit, not noticing the nectar of this particular peach as it ran down his arm. Now he knew. The Mother Earth wanted to express energy through him in a spinning vortex sort of way. Was there any way for verification?
Much to his surprise, he heard the gentlest rendition of the voice he had been hearing from time to time. She said, “It’s never too late for you to find your faith. For you to discover who you are, to understand what you are here to do. It is time.”
“OK,” he said. “I am ready. What do you ask of me to do?”
“You have a mission to bring balance to many places where I suffer because of the unconscious actions of man. Most of your kind do not think about me and the garden I create for you to thrive and prosper. Many just take and do not give back. You are different, my son, and I hope through you that others can be taught about the ways of harmony and balance. You are different because you have always been different, even if you don’t remember. You do not yet know how to bring balance to the energy centers of my body, and that will be one of the tasks you will have to remember and become conscious about. You can help me and I ask for your help now.
“Of course, Mother Earth, I will do anything to help you. Just tell me what to do. Should I call you Mother, Mother Earth, Mother Nature?” he asked.
He heard a sigh. “Thank you for asking my name, dear one. What you call me does not matter. How you call me will become an art form. I will guide you, but now I need you to have faith and trust your gifts. I need you to come forth and use the instincts that have been a distraction up until now. I know you have been impatient with this process and I hope to help you understand its unfolding now.”
John relaxed on the rock floor again. He started to reflect on the words that had been spoken to him, questioning. “It’s never too late for me to find my faith? Do I even know what faith is? What was that spinning feeling? I have never felt anything so magical and strong as that. Do I bring balance to places by letting you spin energy through me? Or is that spinning energy something I have to create?”
John stood up and spread his arms wide. He imagined the feeling of the spinning energy. Nothing happened. “How am I supposed to bring healing to you if I don’t know how I did it—or how you did it?” he asked. For once he didn’t get flustered or sarcastic. He remembered the most important step. “Let me open my heart,” he said. Suddenly he felt lighter. He heard a creak and groan from inside the floor beneath his feet. A deep sadness moved up through his feet and passed through him. He understood grief as he never had before, but he didn’t need to crumble to the floor and cry. No, he stood up taller and opened his heart more fully. His spine popped between his shoulder blades.
He heard a soft whisper, “That’s it.”
John stood on his toes, rolled onto the sides of his feet and then onto his heels. Electricity started to pulse through him, and then fire and water began to pour out of the rocks as a gentle breeze picked up around him. It started to swirl in a clockwise motion from his feet upward. Wind poured out of every pore, water started to be absorbed into his body, then the wind transformed into light pulsing out of his pores. Suddenly he heard a gentle laughter through the walls of the cave. Was somebody coming?John found himself being gently placed outside of the cave. He was a little disappointed, thinking, I had some questions I wanted answered. Then he chuckled, “What questions?”
On the Road Again
It seemed kind of crazy to give his notice to the jeep company and the trailer park. They all said, “Where you going?” It was like they knew he didn’t have a place to move on to. As much as this was normal for him in days gone by, it seemed even stranger now because he didn’t know where or what was next. But something said it was time to leave, so he loaded up his truck and moved on down the road. He headed east once he had climbed out of Oak Creek Canyon. Before he knew it, he was on Ol’ Route 66 again, driving and thinking, “How do I find my faith? How do I find places to bring balance to?” This seemed like the craziest journey he had ever been on and yet something seemed so right about it. “I don’t guess I have to worry about too much, I’ll just keep driving until I spot something, or find a place to camp.”
He was driving along not thinking about much. He knew he was somewhere in Arizona, and it was edging on towards sunset when a huge set of wings flew into his windshield. He didn’t have time to swerve or stop. The bird glanced off the windshield. He said, “Damn!” as a knee-jerk reaction as he pulled over to the side of the road. He got out and walked back, looking for an injured owl or some other large-winged creature. Surely enough, there was a Great Horned Owl standing by a large Pinion pine tree. The owl didn’t look any too happy about its encounter with the windshield, but it didn’t look too scathed by the mishap, either. John thought about leaving the bird and resuming his journey but realized the bird would not be looking at him if something weren’t wrong. John saw that there was a slight tension in the shoulder and right wing of the bird. He inched closer and said, “Do you need help?”
The owl just stared at him like he was a fool and John got a feeling like he should apologize, so he said, “I am sorry for the encounter. I know you may not have a lot of experience dealing with trucks, headlights and windshields. I am sorry if I hurt you.” The owl slumped over on its side and tried to get up to no avail. John rushed over and tried to steady the large-winged night eagle. The owl reacted instantly and pecked John’s hand, drawing a nice squirt of blood. “That’s fair,” John said, and held onto the owl. “Let me help you.”
The owl looked him in the eye and sent a message. This place needs healing, not me. I am fine. John got it instantly. Oh, this was just a ploy to get me to stop and do something.
“Where am I? Where are we?” he asked, and then he felt a crazy, strong, sad energy coming from the surrounding area. There wasn’t anything obvious he could see. He let go and started to whirl slowly with his arms outstretched to the sky. The wind picked up and a desert dust devil formed around him. The wind rose up higher into the air and dust started to blow in larger and larger circles. The owl stretched its wings and was lifted into the air, rising into the eye of the mini-tornado. The dust devil began traveling across the landscape and disappeared into the ground about a half-mile away. John wondered where it had gone.
He had slowed his whirling as he watched the dust devil. As it disappeared he wondered where the owl had gone, so he started walking towards where they had disappeared. As he neared the place he felt a tremendous sense of emotional grief. As he got even closer he felt a very eerie feeling; something was spooky about this place. John didn’t normally get scared, but this place felt haunted—like he was being watched, like he was being scrutinized. He slowed his pace and looked more closely at the surroundings. He almost forgot it was dark outside. No wonder it was a little spooky. No, it wasn’t the dark. It was something else. John stopped and waited.
He realized he was holding his breath and let out a big sigh. Suddenly the night air moved around him with a swoosh—he about jumped out of his skin! The owl landed a few feet from him. John screamed, “What the hell!” As he turned to run to the truck he realized it was the owl that had startled him. He slowed and thought about stopping but decided to go on to the comforts of his vehicle, no need to explore tonight. What was all of that about? He got in his truck and headed on down the road, although he was not able to take his mind off what had happened. An hour or so later he pulled off the road to bed down for the night.
He fell asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. He was extra tired this night. An hour or two into his slumber he was awakened by a scraping sound outside the Airstream. He poked his head into the night air to see what was going on and the owl was back, or another owl was there. It hooted as he looked at it.Something was going on with the owls. He stepped on out into the night with this bird. “What do you want?” he asked.
The owl hooted again. John felt sick, was he going to throw up? Maybe he was going to faint? Something was going on with his stomach. “What do you want?” he asked again. There was something else moving in the dark around him. He felt uneasy, and feeling sick and scared wasn’t normal for John. Should he go back inside and go to sleep? Cold chills ran up and down his spine. Rather than thinking too much, he was in the experience in a different way this time. If he didn’t know better, he’d say he felt surrounded by dark energies, something not so friendly or safe. Were these ghosts, trapped spirits, energies looking for something from him? He felt drained all of a sudden, and the owl hooted again. Suddenly he yelled—“No! Get away!”—And put his arms and hands up signifying stop.
What was he signifying stop to? He didn’t know exactly what he was doing except he knew he did not like the feel of things. He was pretty certain he wasn’t signaling the owl. It was another energy. Maybe the owl was warning him? It seemed like the bombardment had ceased. Maybe it had retreated. John probably wasn’t going back to sleep and he wasn’t hungry. He decided to drive on down the road. He was hopeful there would be no more owl sightings.
John continued east on Route 66. What the hell was he doing? Where was he going? His brain would not leave him alone. Finally, he said out loud, with a chuckle, “I’m gettin’ the hell out of here! That’s what I’m doing!” At least there was a hint of humor left inside. He drove into the rising sun and felt much better. There was always something about the light that made him feel lighter, better, more secure.
As he reflected, he knew that things were crazy in his life. It wasn’t like he felt the need to talk to others about this because, well, just because. He had never really found much comfort confiding in others. Certainly he had never tried things like therapy or counseling. I mean, what would they tell him to do right now, except to go on medication or check himself into a psych ward? No, the answers weren’t out there anywhere, at least not in the human realm. He was sure of this. To say this experience was surreal was an understatement. He was seeing into the spirit world. But how does one see, hear and feel into the spirit world with a sense of accuracy and reliability? What does it mean? There’s nothing scientific or logical about it. There’s not a reference he can Google or Wiki search. No, he was on his own with this one. It was the best of times because some of these moments were beyond explanation. They were a rich dessert for his imagination.
And it was the worst of times if he was determined to stay in control and hold on for dear life. Luckily, for a good while now he had released control enough to let go of middle class reality. He was living on the fringe of society at best now, and that part felt all right. It was much deeper than that, though, his moving into a place of trusting what was happening to him. The whole experience had this vague sort of dream-like quality to it. Was it a dream or nightmare, was probably the more accurate question.
In the best of times, it was a magical dream; in the worst of times it was a dark, scary nightmare. He remembered the dark woman—the long-tongued black goddess—did she not say she had come to protect him or to repay some debt? Maybe he could call her forth the next time he felt the dark ghost-like energies. He just needed to remember. And what was her name?
He had a few hours of easy driving, admiring the countryside along this once modern highway. He loved the nostalgia of imagining what this road would have looked like in 1966, or 1900 for that matter. There was something about the old black and white photos of those times that captured John’s interest. He pulled over to gas up somewhere along the Arizona-New Mexico border. There was a small roadside gas station that was barely able to make ends meet, but was surviving due to the old road enthusiasts like John River. He noticed the small greasy spoon next door aptly named The Night Owl Cafe. It kind of made sense to John, as he figured it served up food round the clock for those passing through. Once he was gassed up he thought he might as well venture into the eatery and get a feel for the place. He was hungry and the recent events had thrown off his appetite, so he pulled the truck and Airstream over and went inside. Little did John expect to meet a woman like the one who greeted him with a smile as big as her home state of Texas.
Well, it was a good meal and quite frankly, John enjoyed kicking back and actually having some human contact. He liked this woman’s company, and she was seriously looking to “get the heck out of Dodge.” Would John actually pick up a hitchhiker, for all intents and purposes? Was his lonely side showing up now? Maybe, but let me tell you a bit about this gal. She had a personality as big as her smile, she made John laugh, and he made her laugh. What a pairing the Universe sparked this particular sunny Sunday.
John hung around and ate breakfast, and then he tried the banana pudding.Finally, he went outside to check on Roscoe and the cat. He just couldn’t get in the truck and leave. He laughed at himself—he was smitten by this girl. He kicked the tires on the trailer, raised the hood to the pickup and feigned interest with the engine and fluids.Next thing you know he was good and greasy and besides, it was time for lunch. He headed back in for some more conversation and courtship. This girl did have a name, by the way. At least her nametag called her Sally. John wasn’t completely sure it was her name, but she wore it well. So he said, “Hey Sally, what’s for lunch?”
Their smiles met again and filled the room with electricity. Business was slow and John managed to gain most of her attention. The conversation meandered to, “Where ya’ headed?”
John smiled as big as California and said, “I don’t know, I guess east for awhile.”
Do you have any interest in passing through Texas?” Sally asked.
“Whereabouts?” he asked. “Texas is a big state from what I’ve heard.”
“That’s true,” Sally replied. “I’d like to hitch a ride on through to at least Amarillo.”
“What the hell’s in Amarillo?” John questioned.
“Not much,” she answered, “just a little ‘past’ hanging out there.”
“A husband,” John asked, “a kid?”
She smiled and turned away. John was more than curious. What did she leave behind in Amarillo? He didn’t know exactly why, but he caught himself saying, “I’ll give you a ride to Amarillo.”
She looked around the restaurant, untied her apron and said, “Let’s go!”
He asked, “Don’t you need to say goodbye?” He was already heading for the door.
She just shook her head and followed him out, and this began the one-day drive to Amarillo that took a week. They had the Airstream, so getting lost off the side roads was easier than easy. Sally and John hit it off until he started asking about her past. She would just turn away and shake her head. Other than that they had a fast connection, deep and easy. Of course, John didn’t get his hopes up.
Soon enough the owl came scratching late one night when they had settled down, holding each other close waiting to doze off. Then the crash landing of the screeching claws hit the slick metal roof. Sally leapt out of bed, screaming, “What is that?”
John was taken just as much by surprise, hating to re-enter the strange world of the prior months. “Shit!” he said. “I thought he was gone.”
“Who was gone?” Sally asked.
“Nobody. I mean, the owl is back, I guess. Let me go out and see,” he said as he pulled on his jeans.
“You’re not going out there, are you? How do you know it’s an owl?” she asked.
“I know—it’s a long story. I’ll be back in a minute,” John said.
“I don’t want to stay in here by myself. I’m going too!” she said, following John.
They went outside and sure enough, the owl was perched on the roof of the Airstream. It turned its head halfway around to look at them like they were intruding on the night’s secrecy. Sally said, “It’s just an owl.”
“I told you. Go back in and lie down. It’s nothing.” John said. He hoped she would just go back in before anything unexplainable happened. This could spoil it all.
“What is it about owls? How did you know he was here?”
“I can’t explain it. It would take too long. It’s crazy anyway.”
“My father used to say owls were bad luck. He was very superstitious. I think an owl showed up when his mother was dying, and he never got over the owl hanging out in broad daylight,” Sally said, watching the owl.
“Well, I don’t believe anything about them. Let’s go back in and go to sleep,” John said, as he reached for her arm to lead her in.
Sally pulled away, asking, “How did you know it was the owl? You said you thought he was gone!”
“I had a weird interaction with an owl a few nights ago, the night before I met you. It scratched my roof the same way.” The wind picked up. Was a dust devil about to start spinning around them? “My life is kind of crazy. I can’t explain what is going on, but it’s been happening for a while. You’re going to think I’m nuts, but you’re here and you’re asking all the wrong questions.”
The wind picked up some more. Sally said, “It’s getting windy. Maybe we should go back inside?” Then the owl flew towards them and they both ducked. The owl hooted as they dove for cover.
They went back inside the trailer. John said, “I can drop you off in Amarillo tomorrow. I’m sorry about this.”
Sally laughed, “What? Do you think I am scared of an owl? I’ve seen worse.”
They both laughed. John said, “You have no idea.”
Sally smiled and said, “Try me.”
Who knows what all John told Sally that night? He stuttered and stammered, eventually giving up out of frustration, although she didn’t seem to judge him as much as he expected. Maybe she had seen worse. John woke up feeling relieved in an almost confident sort of way. Did he actually have someone with him who believed these things could be happening? Or, maybe she didn’t really care enough to make a big deal out of it. Maybe she had bigger fish to fry in Amarillo. Whatever the case, she stayed pleasant and had no real agenda about getting to Amarillo anytime soon. She seemed relieved the more detours they took. The more he shared the more he expected her to open up about this Texas town, but to no avail. She still looked away every time he started to ask about it. It was like she could hear his thoughts. It was the darnedest thing!
“We should decide what we want to do today. Do you have any family you want me to meet in Armadillo?” John gave a try at humor, to see if Sally would budge.
“Ha, you’re so funny! Did you see The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and that armadillo on the road in the beginning of the movie? Now that was some crazy shit,” Sally answered with a deadpan stare out the window.
“I didn’t mean to stir up any bad memories.” John said, wincing at the failed humor.
“Like I keep telling you, nothing you’re talking about is that bad. Relax! Everything is OK. Life is OK.” Sally’s voice edged into frustration.
“Everything’s not exactly OK,” he replied quickly. He couldn’t just leave it alone. No, he had to pick at it one more time. “You won’t tell me what the mystery is in Amarillo!”
“Are you retarded? Can’t you tell I’m not going to tell you about it? Why do you keep bugging me? Are you stupid—what’s your problem? Pull over and let me out!” she shouted.
“Oh my God, who’s over-reacting now!” he said, pulling over. “Guess you’d better get out.”
The moment of truth was in front of them, the fork in the road. As John pulled the pickup over Sally jumped out. She wasn’t going to hang around to give it a try. He thought she was bluffing. Who would want to be walking down the side of the road even if they were not actually in the middle of nowhere? It looked like a little town was in front of them. Did she know where she was?
John drove on, almost running off the road as he watched closely out of the rear side mirror of the Dodge pickup. His mouth gaped open when he saw her stick out her thumb and hop inside a semi as fast as a trucker could slow down. He thought she might have even flipped him off as she was closing the door. Damn! He couldn’t leave well enough alone. John felt sick to his stomach as he drove on. He thought about pulling over and flagging the truck down, but no such luck. Before he knew it the eighteen-wheeler was pulling alongside and passing him right down the middle of old Route 66. Darn it if the trucker didn’t blast him with the air horns as he drove past. Did she put him up to that? He was mad and sad all in the same moment. “Screw her! Assholes!” he muttered. Still, he couldn’t help following the truck for a ways, and he had to step on it to keep up. Where were they going? He guessed Sally was getting away from him and the trucker was having fun at the sight of his long face in the rearview mirror.
John may have followed for a long while but he got interrupted as a large-winged bird once again flew into the windshield of his pickup. Before he even realized why, he heard himself saying, “Damn!” As he put together what was happening, the large bird glanced off the windshield and onto the side of the road. He couldn’t help but pull over, jump out and run back to none other than—a large owl. Why did it have to be an owl? And it was broad daylight! Was it the same bird that had been harassing him? He didn’t know. As he leaned down to pick up the dead bird a strong breeze began ruffling its feathers. The wind blew harder, almost knocking him down. He glanced up and saw the eighteen-wheeler disappearing into the long, narrow road ahead. He knelt by the bird and noticed a silver band around its ankle. He reckoned some man or agency knew the bird. As he gently touched it, he had that strange feeling he was being watched again.
He leaned on down to look more closely at the owl. It was an owl, wasn’t it? Or, was it a hawk or eagle? The wings were huge and seemed to be big enough to carry a man. The beauty of this creature mesmerized him. He wondered what he should do. Should he pick it up? Carry it off the road? Make sure it was dead? Take a feather?
He picked the bird up by its shoulders, which felt more dignified than by the feet, and held the bird close to his own body. He felt a pulse, a thump, something going on within the animal. Maybe it was alive? The owl—it was definitely an owl, he realized. He could tell by the head. He figured it was a Great Horned Owl. Its head was slumped over. Maybe it was dead, after all. John automatically started to breathe on the bird. Actually, he started to blow air on the bird. Not mouth to beak. He found himself blowing air over the bird’s head. He didn’t know why. He continued to do this for fifteen minutes, kneeling on the side of the road, holding this large-winged, horned owl. After fifteen minutes there was a slight movement and the owl opened one eye and looked at him. John about dropped the bird. “Oh shit,” he thought, “what’s happening?” Suddenly he noticed more cars passing the side of the road. He felt exposed, so he decided to carry the owl to the trailer. He might as well see if he could resurrect this animal, and if it was the same bird it shouldn’t be afraid of the Airstream, as many times as it had landed on it.
He thought it might be calmer to get off the road a little, too. He placed the owl between two pillows on the bed so he could get in the truck and find a side road to pull off onto. Sure enough, there was a gravel road ahead with a nice turnout. John parked quickly and hurried back to the trailer. He opened the door and walked in. To his surprise, the owl wasn’t between the pillows. Not again! Was it starting up again? Chills ran up his spine, and he felt the temperature drop inside the Airstream. John sat down on the bed. He heard a sound and closed his eyes, thinking, “Get ready!”
Out of the bathroom stepped a very beautiful, goddess-like woman. He couldn’t help but burst out laughing, rolling on the floor. It was so ridiculous. He was losing his goddamned mind. Might as well!
When he stopped rolling and laughing, this woman-goddess-owl creature was staring at him nonchalantly. “Are you done?”
John wasn’t ready for the next adventure. He was reluctant, so he said, “No, I’m not done. I don’t know who you are or what you want. I’m not ready to believe anything about Mother Earth, Mother Nature, Spirit, gods or goddesses, for that matter. I’m not ready to think about it or even try to figure out what happened. Whatever happened to the owl doesn’t matter to me. I assume it lived. I don’t really care. Actually, I am fine if it’s dead. Maybe then it will leave me alone.”
“Are you stupid—what’s your problem?” she said the magic words!
His head jerked around quickly, as he asked, “What did you say?” He shook his head. He started to feel overwhelmed, and it wasn’t a pleasant feeling. His head started spinning, the trailer started to swirl around him, and he had no choice but to let go. When he woke up he was still lying on the floor, and he was cold. She handed him a blanket. He wrapped up tightly and asked, “What do you want?”
“Nothing. I came to deliver a message.”
John was hesitant to say much now. He knew the drill. “OK, let’s hear it,” he said, and he waited.
She smiled at him. “The time is drawing near. You must prepare yourself.” Hissing softly.
John heard himself muttering, “Oh shit. For what? Prepare myself for what? Would you please tell me who you work for? And what you guys want from me? I just need some logical answers to go along with this insanity.”
“It just seems like insanity. Actually, what you have been doing is insane. The way you people have been living is insane,” she said.
“Are you talking about me? Or humans in general?” he asked, while sliding his back to the wall.
“I am talking about both. You are not that much different than them. Thankfully, just a little, but I am not sure about you because of your skepticism.”
“OK, I hear you, thank God I’m skeptical, and otherwise I’d just be crazy. Now tell me who you are delivering a message for. Who exactly do you work for?” It would be nice to finally know. He waited.
She stared at him.
Moment of Truth
John knew he was revisiting something. He was obviously not going to be able to ignore or avoid the “Mother Earth energy” thing. I mean, not that he was trying to avoid it. He was trying to go about his life, he was even trying to mix and mingle with people. He found himself thinking about Sally. It was only a short while ago that she rode off into the sunset with the trucker. He was hoping this strange pursuit of weird occurrences would just go away.
Suddenly he saw a motion picture, or maybe you would call it a hologram, floating in front of him. He was in the cave in Sedona. He heard himself saying, “Please forgive me, I know not what I do. I know not who I am except that I am a lonely traveler trying to find my way in a land where I have no allegiance to those like me. I have a strange connection to something I can’t explain. It’s crazy and I don’t know if I am losing my mind. These things happening to me don’t make sense to me anymore and I don’t even care. All I want to do is to finish this thing, get on with it so I can be left alone.”
He heard the softer feminine voice again , “It’s never too late for you to find your faith. For you to discover who you are and to understand what you are here to do. It is time.”
He heard his reply, “OK, I am ready. What do you ask of me to do?”
The voice reminded him of the previous message that he had tried hard to forget, “You have a mission to bring balance to many places where I suffer because of the unconscious actions of humans. Most of your kind do not think about me and the garden I create for you to thrive and prosper. Many just take and do not give back. You are different, my son, and I hope through you that others can be taught about the ways of harmony and balance. You are different because you have always been different, even if you don’t remember. You do not yet know how to bring balance to the energy centers of my body, and that will be one of the tasks you will have to remember and become conscious about. You can help me and I ask for your help now.”
“Alright! I remember what I said. I need direction. I can’t just keep stumbling along. Help me, help you.” Then he realized he was speaking to a memory, a flashback that slowly disappeared out of thin air. He turned to the lady standing by the bathroom door. She suddenly looked like Sally. He blinked and shook his head. He slumped back into the floor as he realized it was going to be one of those nights. He muttered, “Nothing is as it seems. Everything is a game. Why are you playing with me? What do you want?”
She continued to stare at John. He just shook his head.
“I guess you have to break me down or something, break me down until I give up. Well, I give up! It’s like the joker leading the blind. Everything is a riddle, I can’t see and I don’t know where I am going. I hate this shit.”
Oops. He went a little too far again, and zap! Another electric shock—not pretty. Lying prostrate on the floor. “Pain isn’t going to do it this time. I’m not going to be motivated by pain!” he said, getting louder, “This is a bad Stephen King novel.”
He glanced back up at the woman and she was an owl again. Well, at least her head looked like a bird of some kind. Then she was a regular-sized owl standing there, and she slumped over just like when he was holding the bird on the roadside. Suddenly, he stopped focusing on himself as he realized he felt sorry for this—creature. What to believe? John slowly raised himself up and crawled over to the feathered being. “Why don’t you die and end this silliness?” he asked. “Let me go.” The owl looked dead. He didn’t know if he wanted to breathe on it again. He thought about throwing it out of the door and driving off but he couldn’t. John immediately started to blow air over the owl’s head. The will to live, the will to help keep life going—they were standards John chose to live by.
The owl cracked open one eye and looked at him. John didn’t know what to feel except exhausted. A tear rolled out of his eye. “I love life,” he said, “I can’t just let you die. I don’t know what I am doing, but I can’t let you die. I have to do something, so wake up!” His tone lightened and he started to laugh, saying, “The insanity of the inane.” This time the real owl woke up and didn’t want to stick around the trailer very long. It jumped out of John’s hands and retreated under the table. John knew the party was over. He stood up and walked out of the trailer, leaving the door open behind him. A few minutes later the owl flew out, hooted as it departed and squirted a stream of white liquid over the pickup truck as it ascended into the night. John just shook his head and laughed.
A Good Night for a Drive
John was in the mood to drive even though he was exhausted. Ironically, when he snapped out of his road stupor he found himself within the city limits of Amarillo. He couldn’t help himself but pull into a big stockyard parking lot and go to sleep. There was something comforting about a lot of animals and the rich organic smells of the night. It wouldn’t have been appealing most nights, but for some reason it was tonight. He slept like a baby. He awoke to banging on the camper door and a trucker yelling, “You need to move your rig out of the way!”
John yelled, “Alright, be right out!” He hopped out of bed forgetting where he’d parked for a minute. Then he remembered pulling into this parking lot just off Route 66. He guessed it was sale day, and sure enough, the lot was full of trucks and cowboys looking for cattle. He reckoned it was time to move on down the road, but not before he thought about the life of the modern-day cowboy. He figured he could pull off the Wrangler jeans, Stetson hat and roping boots, and then smiled at the idea of being a jack-of-all-trades. Pulling off the appearance would be one thing he knew he could do, but would he actually enjoy the life of cows, boys and pickup trucks? Not that it really mattered much anymore, since it seemed like there was some definitive plan for his life—albeit not so clear to him. John shook his head, spit out the window and started looking for a breakfast diner.
He didn’t have to drive far before he saw a crowded diner named Sally’s. Not to feign too much for superstition, he decided to drive on. No need to stir anything up on such a lovely morning.
John found himself a little confused about which direction to head. He was heading back west when he pulled in for gas at a Flying Trucker stop, then he headed east as he turned back onto Route 66. The next thing he knew he turned onto Interstate 40 heading towards Oklahoma City. He spoke out loud, asking, “Where am I going?” And the weirdest feeling washed over him. He didn’t know where he was headed, but he was headed somewhere. He was definitely on his way—somewhere. Maybe that was how the cowboys of old felt when they got on their horses and rode off knowing that this wasn’t it. This wasn’t the place. It’s somewhere else. The feeling kept washing over him. He felt restless, lonesome and lost. He didn’t like these feelings and knew he couldn’t drive away from them, but what was he to do except drive on? So, he drove on most of the day and finally pulled over when he saw a sign as he was approaching the Arkansas boundary.
The sign read, “FRESH PEACHES.” John figured this was a good place to stop. He bought a bag of the fuzzy, sweet, summery fruit. Not bothering to wash ‘em—he didn’t mind a little fuzz mixed with the juicy sweetness, he bit in. Yum! A smile returned to John’s face as he realized this was what road trips were all about—the taste of regional abundance. His smile must have been a billboard for attention because a man walked up and said, “Are you looking for work?”
John answered, “Not really, but whatcha’ got?”
The man said, “I got a little piece of land near here and I need some help tending the livestock and fences. A cowboy kind of a job for a few months, see how it works out. Lots of peach trees full of juicy fruit right now, too. I pay fair wages and I have a feeling you’re a jack-of-all-trades. My name’s Jack Thomas, and yours?”
John, continuing to smile said, “John River, nice to meet you. I’ll take you up on your offer. When do I start?”
“How about right now? You can follow me out to the place,” Mr. Thomas replied. “You can call me Jack.”
John wondered where this next adventure would end up. There was something about this man, Jack Thomas, that reminded John of himself. They both had the same infectious smile and easy way about them. John noticed it instantly, and guessed Jack had noticed the same about him. So far, nothing too spiritually weird or strange, but John wasn’t holding his breath. If things went strange he could move on at a moment’s notice.
When they arrived at the farm John liked the energy of the place immediately. In the South they called a place like this a farm, in the West they called it a ranch. He didn’t really care, and noticed Jack liked to call it his place. John actually liked that better. It was like Jack belonged here—his place. He showed John around, and John learned it was three hundred and fifty acres. Jack’s family had lived on it for the last hundred years or so and you could feel the love and attention that had gone into the place. The old house was the typical wooden clapboard house with a big wrap-around porch. It was easy to sit rocking the afternoon away on these breezy, screened-in porches of the South. John liked the place more and more as he got to know it. He had the option of staying in the Airstream or the worker’s room in the barn. John chose the barn. He liked a little more headroom when he had the opportunity, plus the barn had a nice feel to it. Roscoe and the cat were welcome wherever they decided to land and ended up bouncing between the barn and Airstream depending on their mood.
It took him a few days to settle in and settle down. Roscoe, the cat and the Airstream all seemed to fit nicely on the farm. John started mending fences and getting to know the livestock. It seemed Jack liked collecting animals more than having a use for them. I guess you could say they were all pets in some way. Jack didn’t like having to make decisions about the animals and certainly didn’t like giving them shots, castrating the males and having to haul some off to the market. He now had John to do the dirty work. John didn’t fare much better and decided they might just need to have the local vet handle the more technical alterations. Jack agreed.
John proved once again to be a jack-of-all-trades and promptly fixed everything that needed fixing. He and Jack got along so well that he was offered longer-term employment and possibly even shared ownership by the end of the second week. It was tempting, but it was Jack’s place, not his. He did wonder a bit what it would feel like to have a place like this.
John knew, though, that the road still called and that he would decline the offer. At the morning breakfast table John said, “I doubt I could stay in one place too long right now.” He suddenly feigned more interest in the Pillsbury biscuits and fresh peach jam.
Jack said, “I’ve been looking for someone to spell me around here, someone I don’t have to watch day and night. It feels like you could be that man. I’ll make it worth your while.”
John said, “Don’t you have any kids, someone who would want to take over this place? I’m really just a stranger.”
Jack replied, “I know it seems kind of sudden for you. I’ve been thinking about this for a long time. I don’t have any heirs and I don’t want to see the place just go to anyone.”
John grew very uneasy, suspecting he was about to hear some bad news. Why is it that people opened up to him so fast and offered him the farm?
Jack sensed John’s uneasiness and changed the subject saying, “Hey, no worries right now. I need to leave for a few days, I’ll be back on Sunday.” He got up and smacked John on the back. “See you soon, enjoy the place like it’s yours!”
John chuckled to himself. He had a feeling John Wayne had just left the room. He put a few hours’ work in, trimming around the electric fences, and he started thinking about where to head next. He wasn’t comfortable hanging around here much longer. John had this suspicion Jack was going to tell him he was dying and that he wanted to leave the place to him. He didn’t need this place because, well—it wasn’t his.
Then he had a hunch he should find the right tree and lie under it awhile. He had been feeling more and more tired recently, like he had been drained of energy in some way. Something told him to find a place and connect to the Mother Earth.
This farm was loaded with old growth oak and hickory trees. He loved the trees even more than the animals. The trees were old and wise. There was a particular oak that was partnered with a sturdy hickory tree that made his heart sing. He realized he’d better be careful to not get too attached to these trees and this place. But the afternoon was cooling down nicely and there was due to be a big full moon staring back at him once night fell. Maybe a little relaxation would help him get his energy back.
A few other nice qualities about Jack’s place and this particular area was the number of springs around, bubbling water into the creeks. Water was abundant and the land was called bottomland because of the influence of several nearby rivers. This rich land was flatter than hill land and the organic matter gave rise to healthy plants and animals. John could find a spring and just lean down and grab a handful of water as it was bubbling up, wash his face with it, then kneel on down and drink his fill of the fresh, sweet water. Close by was the foundation of the old springhouse the Thomas family used back in the early 1900s to keep perishables cool in the flowing spring water. In John’s opinion this was a sacred spot. If he could have parked the Airstream down here in the woods he might have thought longer about sticking around. Next thing he knew he was lying flat on his back between the oak and hickory trees with one hand dangling in the spring. He went out. Time passed. The moon emerged.
When John awoke a beam of moonlight was hitting him right between the eyes. He felt the energy of the sun coming through the moon right into his brain and body, passing though him down into the spring. He was plugged in, turned on and being recharged. He heard a soft humming sound, a whizzing, buzzing sound coming towards him, and suddenly the hummingbird landed on his forehead right where the moonlight was beaming. The hummer settled in. John didn’t resist. He was too tired. He just let the hummer have his perch. He noticed other animals stirring close by, and he smiled. Just like old times. He went out again.
The next time he came to a snake slithered over his face. He almost jumped, but took a breath instead. It wasn’t a snake, no! It was a long tongue. It was that black goddess. She was standing over him again. “There you are,” she said.
John tried not to flinch or be repulsed. “Hello.”
“Yes, it’s me again.”
John still had to try not to flinch as he asked, “What do you want with me? I feel like I’m missing something. I don’t know who you are. I do know that pain occurs when you show up. I apologize for being cautious.”
“No need for apologies. One day you will remember who you are. You’re just as fierce as I, maybe more. As the Mother told you, I am here to repay a debt to you. I will be protecting you through this time of amnesia. I, too, can apologize for trying to expedite your memory and your vision. This is why you are tired. I am afraid I forced open a few doorways before you were ready to remember.”
“Remember what? All of this mystery sucks. All of you seem to remember everything and I can’t remember anything. It’s not fair.”
“You’re right. It’s not fair. Life’s not fair, death’s not fair. It’s complicated,” she said as she whipped out her tongue, cracking it like a whip. John realized he was not dealing with a rational creature. He seemed to push her buttons in the strangest ways when he wasn’t even trying.
“Do you have any suggestions for helping me remember whatever it is I’m supposed to be remembering? If you’re supposed to be repaying a debt, then that would be a good repayment. Help me remember!”
She stared at him with cat-like eyes glowing red. John tried to slither into the spring. Did she have her foot on him? He couldn’t move. “No need to worry about your safety with me. I will not directly cause you any more pain, though many things I do may cause you to feel like death over and again.”
“What does that mean!” John started to raise his voice, and then quickly remembered it may not be wise to get too rattled here. He rubbed his eyes. He could swear her tongue was about to whip him. “I mean, what does feeling like death feel like? That doesn’t seem like protection. Why do you have your foot on me? Am I going to float away?” John asked, trying to lighten things up. Her foot lifted off of his body; he felt free. “Thanks,” he said.
John suddenly wanted to get away. He felt sick to his stomach. “Why is this happening?” he asked. He started to get up, then sunk back down to the ground. It was like an LP record coming to a stop with the needle still trying to read the music. Everything blurred. He felt drugged. He was falling through darkness, and he could see himself falling, trying to grab on to something. He continued to fall. He felt himself weeping, letting go. It seemed like he soiled himself. Unpleasant smells filled the air. Death—rotting flesh, burning smells, rotten eggs, sulfur. Everything was black, quiet, cold. Darkness prevailed. He felt himself choking. Vomit. Was he drowning? He was definitely falling again. Letting go. It may have appeared like he was having a seizure. He was shaking, coughing and convulsing. A thought came in from somewhere, “You’re dead.” He couldn’t resist it. He had to give in and die. He was floating in a bubbling, warm swamp with weird sensations permeating his skin. Maybe he was this bubbling swamp? Was this creation? He was floating. Then he started hearing sounds like plastic being pulled away from his ears, like cellophane wrapping coming off a package. The sounds got louder and more distinct. This was the sound of birth. Was this the sound of the placenta coming away from the head? He had heard these sounds before!
He saw a fetus floating in the womb. This was a warm, swampy pit of creation. The fetus exploded into a ball of fire and left the belly like a falling star moving backwards through space. Was this him? His spirit? Was he being shown how his spirit journeyed into his mother’s body and into his own vessel? Was it dream, or a hallucination?
How to get back to the moment? Where was the black goddess? Maybe he wasn’t hallucinating! He tried to open his eyes. He couldn’t see. No, the blazing star was all he could see. It was still burning backwards through darkness. A burning flame of hot molten starlight—a soul? A spirit? His spirit! This was what he was being shown. Questions—no, maybe, just maybe—the answers.
The fireball stopped burning and suddenly life appeared. A life appeared, or rather, a lifetime appeared. John watched a lifetime unfold in very abbreviated terms. He was shown the setting and roughly the time period based on the look of the people and the places. His perspective was always looking forward, like he was looking through a diving mask. He couldn’t see himself. It was like a tunnel of time for him to witness, not unlike a movie based on a latent memory, or even someone else’s memory. Maybe the black goddess was helping him remember after all. He relaxed a little more. She owes me. I’m safe.
The lifetimes continued to be screened like short films. It was probable that he may not remember any of this, but what was new about that? A scene flashed across his mind, bigger, brighter and louder than the rest. What was this land? Maybe it was India? The people were dark. There were these fields of flowers—jasmine. The flowers were glowing. As he inhaled, the mask fell to the earth. He found himself in a pond where there were more flowers. Big, purple flowers floating in a pool of creation. He drunkenly heard the words, “Blue lotus.” In the next image he was eating the flowers, bloated with ecstasy. A bright light appeared, a silhouette of a person too bright to look at, like a sun. A glowing fire. A falling star. Falling through darkness. The journey continued.
When John awoke he was flat on his back and it was morning. He was staring into the sun. He felt drunk, but he remembered many of the images that had crossed his consciousness through the night. What was the point? There had to be a point. He was fine. Not harmed. So far, so good. He was being shown something. He remembered that last time period. Was it India? As he wondered about this the hummingbird reappeared over his head, buzzing and clicking away. That’s a confirmation, John thought.
He rolled over and washed his face in the spring. His hand had spent the better part of the night in the cool running water. He really loved this place. He still knew he couldn’t stay here, though. This place wasn’t his. Suddenly his emotions rose up and he was back on his knees. Trying to resist, John pleaded, “Please release me. I can’t stay here, and I can’t stand the mystery anymore.” He was weeping into the pool of water. Unbeknownst to John his tears were causing turbulence in the running spring. The water was starting to spin in a stronger and stronger spiral, like a large sink draining downward instead of the water coming up and out. John continued, “I’m tired. I don’t know which way to go. I feel like the life is being sucked out of me,” and he slumped head first into the pool of creation.
John was falling into the bosom of the Mother Earth. She opened to receive him. He let go, not caring—drowning or floating back to the surface were the same. Surrendering. The birth canal opened and John moved like a falling star through her bowels of water, rock and light. He could breathe. There was no struggle. Maybe he died in that moment? Maybe he was being reborn? Baptized into his faith? The metaphors and allegories are endless, but the one consistent outcome is that John River surrendered in that moment. He was done fighting to understand and control his life. The light came to him as he opened his eyes. He was spiraling in an underground ocean of tepid fluid that he could float and breathe in. He allowed himself to be supported and nourished in this place. He thought this must be heaven.
The black goddess appeared, although she was now a mermaid. At least she had something like a tail and could move through the fluid effortlessly. She took his hand and led him deeper into the belly of the Mother. John surrendered even more. Floating along, not bothering to look too much at the surroundings, rather giving in to the feeling of floating through paradise. He didn’t care what it meant or what it was. The black goddess became more beautiful and iridescent each time John looked at her. She became the life-sized version of the little nymph he had first seen in the pool several weeks ago. She smiled. John had the funniest feeling that she was something like a mother to him.
They continued swimming through illuminated places of creation and life. Beautiful, glowing life. They came to the entrance of a majestic place. A sky opened above them. They were able to stop swimming and walk above the fluid, float above the fluid, fly above the fluid. The glowing goddess was still holding his hand. It felt good. John smiled as a feeling washed over him. It was pure ecstasy. He heard himself say, “I am home.”
Beings started to appear and move closer to greet him. They had a transparent, jellyfish quality. They were beautiful, with colorful light emanating from within. The light gave them a semblance of human form, though maybe this was only to comfort John. These beings came very close to him. There were ten to twelve who moved closest. They surrounded him and sent waves of light into him from the centers of their beings. The light felt really sweet and energizing. John let go of the goddess’s hand. He opened his arms to receive them all. He brought them in to him and surrendered his weight to them. John whispered, “I love you.”
John woke up a bit when he heard the goddess say, “You’re not dreaming. These are master beings of light. They watch over all that you know. You are part of their guardianship. The Mother Earth is their very special Petri dish. John just smiled. He didn’t care. He had never felt so much love from anything in his life. This was what he had been waiting for.
The beings were able to replay things for John. Much of his life flashed in front of him as he looked into their heart centers where the light shone the brightest. A calm feeling washed over him in continuing waves. He was being shown the power of love expanding inside of his heart so much so that it determined what was happening outside of him, not just a few feet away but over great distances—large areas covering continents, oceans, mountain ranges, valleys, plains, deserts. John was being shown that he was one of them. He felt the connection. He said, “I want to stay here.” They didn’t speak as much as give him imagery through his heart. They showed him he had to go back. He looked to the goddess and said, “No!”
She smiled compassionately and said, “We all work towards the same goal. We get assigned different jobs. One of yours this lifetime is to carry the message to your people.”
Slowly John was being pulled out of the dream. As his heart began to close the beings started to disappear. The light was extinguishing. “It always keeps being taken away. Why?” In that moment John forced his heart open like never before. “Maybe I am lying to myself about all of this. Am I making it up?” he wondered. He kept his heart open and one being returned. This being, unlike the others, spoke. “Hello brother, we meet again.”
John looked at this light being. He had shape and form, but was this an illusion? John reached out to touch him. He said, “It’s fine. Touch me. It won’t help much because I am not in the flesh like you. I have not lived in the flesh for several thousand years and I only lived like you one time. My work has not existed so much on the earth plane. Nothing I say will be easy for you. It will not ‘make sense’ as you say.”
John couldn’t help but ask, “Why are these moments always taken away? You’re right, nothing makes sense to me, but I know this feels right. I feel home here. I don’t want to go back!”
The Being flashed a compassionate smile and said, “Your sister is correct, you have to go back. There is a circle waiting to be completed for you and your people.”
“They are not my people! Why am I responsible for them?” John shrugged and crossed his arms.
“Because they are of the flesh as you, because they think and try to figure things out like you, because they have great capacity to feel and love just like you, my brother.”
John looked down at his feet and realized he was floating in a warm, clear substance. It wasn’t air and it wasn’t exactly water. The only sense he could make of it was that it felt good. And it smelt good, kind of like a jasmine flower at a distance on a warm summer’s eve.
Realizing his time here was drawing to a close John said, “I will not go back until you answer some questions.” He was taking a stand, not that these kinds of stands had proven very effective so far. Still, he persisted in a softened way. “Would you be so kind as to tell me who you are? And who is this, that you called my sister? If I could at least know, I might be able to make a little sense out of this.”
The Being smiled again. “I also called you Brother. That might be a place to start. Nothing is, as it seems. Nothing is as it is ‘made sense of’ by your people. The truth about how the Universe works and is held together is a bit difficult to explain. What you just felt from my family is the glue that holds everything you know as life together. The closest representation of it is the word you call ‘love.’ For us, it is our job. It is what we do. We work with this energy and send it out into the Universe. You also could call this job that we do ‘creation.’ As a creator being I have never been written about because people of the flesh do not truly know why I exist. They have attached other meanings and descriptions to who we are and what we do. We will not have the time to cover all of this now. Your sister may be easier in some ways for you to understand. She has been a loyal servant as well as teacher to you throughout time. She is not an accurately known deity in the recorded stories of your people; however, she is most closely known as Kali from the Hindu tribe. It is true she feels she owes you a great debt and follows you everywhere. She has been with you since birth and has mostly been in animal form since you have not been able to understand her purpose or desire. As the time has drawn near she has begun to take form into a recognizable shape hoping this would stimulate memories from before. So far these are coming slowly.”
John’s eyes were glazed over and he felt like he was in some weird time capsule. His head was spinning and his vision was going in and out. He tried his best to snap of it, but couldn’t. The “brother” being looked compassionately at John and continued, “I wish I could make this easier for you. Your brain is not going to explode.” He reached out and put his hand on John’s heart. He stepped very close and looked directly into John’s eyes, only about one foot away. John’s knees grew weak.
The black goddess said, “Stand up. He’s helping you remember.” True to form, she struck him in the back with something. John’s spine arched him awake.
He screamed, “Shit, that hurt!”
She said, “You don’t want to miss this.”
The brother being smiled and John started feeling a warm sensation penetrating his body. He felt safe again. Brother said, “I apologize for your sister’s directness, she’s about action and doesn’t mind using pain for quick results. We work a lot alike although I prefer the elixir of love as opposed to pain. Nevertheless, pain may be the teacher your kind responds to most. We are still rooting for love to be the source of action on earth, but many have resorted to teaching through the old methods.
John was starting to return to his body. He felt the cobwebs clearing and then he really looked around. Where the hell was he?
Brother said, “Yes, this place is an in between dimension oasis. You may only experience this once, but you have been here before.”
John asked, “When?”
“Well, nothing you will remember. But you were communicated with continuously like this when you were in your mother’s womb. This is where the agreements were made. This is where you shined the brightest. This is where we realized our intentions had manifested into human form.”
“What does that mean?” John asked.
“We—our kind of beings—have been creating you for a long time. You have been formed through intention, prayer, creation and most of all hope,” said Brother. “Don’t misunderstand me. You are not that different than any of the rest. In most ways your journey is compounded with difficulty. We do not know how to release your birthright and memories to you. The problem with our plan has been to not burden you with being special because you are not. At least ‘not special’ until now. Nevertheless, we are hoping you will be the spark that awakens your kind. This has been the program we have held in the creation of you. If you were to remember, you’ll know you were created with a spark of light and love. The intentions and prayers were held together like a primitive fire that started working when the ember accepted the light. We held our intention together with the glue of love for a long time. Your spirit answered the call. You were the spark that ignited and rose up to meet the prayers.”
John stood motionless, his knees starting to sag again as he felt hundreds of tiny shocks up and down his spine. His back arched. He assumed it must be the black goddess and turned to see what she was up to. She was smiling at him and said, “You are remembering!”
His knees started to shake, his whole body started to tremble and then he remembered the memory of the fetus in the womb and the falling star moving backwards through space.
Brother said, “Yes, that’s the experience. When your spirit ignited and rose up to be witnessed out of the pack as you might say. We wasted no time in getting you earth bound. You were fast tracked right into the next available womb. Your mother was the surrogate and your family provided you with the necessary lessons in which you wasted no time in getting. Your lack of patience with most things “human” may be more easily understood now.”
John’s body was very close to convulsing. He was growing concerned and suddenly remembered to open his heart and let go of the physical. He was then no longer governed by that reality and sure enough when he let go his energy and body regulated itself. It was like he just experienced birth again and he was remembering childhood. Things were coming back into focus.
“Why me?” John asked, “I mean why did I need to spark, why did I need to respond to your call?” Another memory flashed across John’s forehead, almost right in front of his eyes. It was Sally saying, “Are you stupid!”
He jumped. The next thing John knew he was startled into another reality. Everything had just felt so childlike and pure and then—the question, why me? The jarring jolt. His brain was violent in its creations of separation and need for understanding. It continually separated him from the nurturing, warm feeling of love.
“‘Why me’ is not as important as ‘I am here for a reason, let me get on with what I am here for.’ I answered the call, I sparked into being because I stand for love. I have always taken a stand for life, creation and love. I guess I am a creator being myself. Wish I knew what was next.” John said this aloud, as he realized he was standing alone. “Wait, please wait,” he said.
He turned around looking for someone, even the black goddess. He saw no one until the little weasel waddled up and said, “What’s up Doc?”
John wasn’t in the mood and said, “Not now, weasel!”
And weasel corrected him, saying, “I’m a ferret.”
“Whatever!” John exclaimed. “Did you see anyone else around here?”
John was suddenly standing beside the oak tree, kind of spit out by the Mother Earth, the spring or something. John’s head was spinning. He wasn’t happy with the events that just happened. “Hey Mother Earth! Why spit me out? I’m trying to figure this out.”
He felt more alone than ever. The experience of being at the farm felt like lifetimes ago. He had to look around a few times to even remember where he was or even who he was. He sat down against the oak tree and put his head in his hands. He started thinking about his life again. Was it time to move on? A rolling stone gathers no moss. He suddenly felt unbelievably tired. Was he dying? He stretched out on the ground. Everything was swirling around. He had completely lost track of time. He didn’t know how long he had been inside the earth and what had happened in there. Were we talking minutes, hours or even days? He tried to get up. Better go check on Roscoe, the cat and the other animals, but he couldn’t get up. What was happening? Seriously? Low and behold he pried open his eyes for a second and Roscoe and the cat were looking at him.
That’s right, someone on the journey had said they weren’t animals at all but were spirit beings there to guide and watch over him. He slumped back down to the earth. He gave in to her. If he was going to die, well at least it was a beautiful place. Nobody would probably find him for days, until the buzzards gave him away, but out in the country no one cared much about the big black birds circling overhead. Dying, drugged, hallucinating—what the hell was going on? John was inching closer to the springs again; maybe water would help. If he fell in again maybe it would be it this time!
Here we are with this John River guy. The story hasn’t changed much. He’s frustrated. You might be frustrated, too! When is it going to change to a place where it’s going somewhere? When is he going to come out of this nightmare? I apologize if this is hitting a place in you that’s making you want to walk away from this story. Think about John River! Think about your life. Have you hit the end of the road in some strange way? Are things frustrating for you, too? As the muse of this story all I can tell you is keep reading. There is going to be a payoff. I doubt you have had quite the descriptive journey as Mr. River in your own level of discovering what is happening at this time on the planet earth. I’m not saying this is meant to be some “Twilight Zone” sort of thing. All I can tell you is that there is going to be a payoff for you. Trust me!
The earth changes rapidly accelerated in late 2017. First, there was a series of earthquakes that cut right across the continental U.S. in areas lacking fault lines and known previous seismic activity. It was like internal pressure from below the mantle pushed up and created havoc along its path. The New Madrid fault literally moved west towards the San Andreas fault. Luckily most of the movement was north of I-40 and the interstate highway continued to move traffic cross-country. Then the earth started to rip and rumble beneath the oceans and through regions on virtually every continent. Particularly hard hit were the Middle East regions of recent strife and conflict, and conversely very peaceful regions like the Easter islands and even Hawaii were not spared. Bands and ribbons of the Mother Earth stretching and expressing herself were exhibited all the way around her. Scientists were scratching their heads trying to explain the reasons for the violent eruptions. Was it an external force pulling on the earth or was it an internal force pushing its way out? With this increased seismic activity the earth grew hotter than ever recorded—in some places ten degrees above the normal temperature. The poles were in danger of a complete melt in the summer of 2018. Volcanic activity extended into the polar regions, the earth was heating up!
What was happening to the Mother Earth? For the first time in a few thousand years humanity slowed down, albeit out of fear of survival, but they definitely slowed down. Some spiritual groups even started vigils and prayer offerings to the most exposed regions where the Mother Earth was expressing herself loudest. Some even went so far as to propose human sacrifice in these regions; of course this didn’t go over well with the civilized folks and was quickly squashed as repulsive and vile. Nevertheless, the extreme side of man became more and more prominent.
One of the most devastating results of all the rupturing of the strata in the earth was the groundwater became very compromised and inaccessible from its normal depths. Wells dried up or started pumping sludge mixes of many human-made toxins hidden in the earth for the last century. Yes, it was definitely not the best of times and certainly thought to be the worst of times in most people’s experience.
So, how did this affect John River’s experience of the nomadic life on the road? Interestingly enough John had indeed left the farm, Jack’s place, and was cruising around. He had recently started to feel a calling to visit these ruptures in the earth. I guess this is what he had been waiting for in his life because he suddenly had a strange calm come over him. He suddenly knew what he was supposed to be doing. It seemed his specific job and training from the Mother Earth was to lie down in or as close to these areas just as he had been doing out in nature and open his heart. From outward appearances it could have looked like he was the sacrificial lamb. But there were no outward appearances, at least for now. Each time he arrived at one of the areas of devastation he would magically be shrouded in something not unlike an invisibility cloak. He would be able to do his meditation work and others would not disturb, distract or interact with him—for now! And so far there had not been much interaction with the Mother Earth except for the invisibility. He was following his intuition about going to the places and it seemed like there was some reason for him to be there, but so far nothing too dramatic happened in his experience. I guess the fireworks had passed.
Ok, it was all crashing in some strange way and for now John was able to drive to the various locations, but by and large this was just in the southwestern US. These events were happening around the globe. He did venture down into Mexico towards Mexico City. He heard there was seismic activity occurring with the Popocatepetl (El Popo) volcano and he had a feeling he should go there. It took him a couple of days driving southward before the large mountain came into sight. He kind of enjoyed the ride but had no concrete idea about why he was traveling there. He was trying not to think!
When he arrived at this large volcano it seemed there were others there anticipating something too. John drove closer; actually, he drove as far up the mountain as he could go. He parked and headed on up the mountain. Roscoe and the cat were not that happy about being left in the airstream but John thought it would be best for now.
As he started hiking up he realized he was on a volatile mountain and it seemed there were little earthquakes happening underfoot. He continued his climb until a squawking raven led him off the trail. As he followed the raven he was aware he was being led somewhere and he began to tingle all over. When the gray fox entered and took the lead he started to get a familiar surreal feeling all over his body, especially when the fluffy-tailed creature looked back and encouraged him to pick up his pace. As he rounded a sharp corner, out of breath at this distinct high altitude, John decided he needed to sit for a moment. The fox had disappeared anyway.
John slid down and leaned his back against a large brown granite rock. He guessed that he was a couple of miles above sea level and the lack of oxygen was really causing his lungs to burn. Then he got very light-headed and had a feeling he was going to faint. The next thing he knew he woke face down in the dirt. His face was burning, bleeding actually. Rising up, he realized he didn’t feel well at all. As he touched his face it seemed he had been moving violently on the gritty rough surface and he surmised he must have had a seizure. What was that about?
Still feeling woozy, John leaned back down to the Mother Earth. He started to cry as a helpless feeling came over him. He felt sad, alone and very sick. He was pretty sure he wasn’t under the influence of Montezuma’s Revenge, and he had a strange feeling that he was connecting to something from deep inside the earth. That seemed crazy, but the next thing he knew he was on his knees vomiting. He began to sweat profusely and his body started to curl into a fetal position.
Then the animals started to appear. The fox and raven returned, followed by a handful of Monarch butterflies that landed on a tree limb nearby, and then a rattlesnake zigzagged into the opening by the granite rock. John noticed the arrivals. He relaxed a bit and thought to himself, “Here we go!”
He rolled onto his back and closed his eyes. The animals moved closer and sure enough the little hummingbird announced its arrival, landing on his third eye. John breathed a sigh of relief. Things were going to be okay, he thought and proceeded to let the energy of the Mother Earth pass through him. Most of the animals waited a few moments for the discomfort to subside in John before they moved in closer; even the hummer lifted off his forehead until John released the pain flowing through. As he settled, they settled right into position. The exchange was powerful and healing for all including John. After a few minutes he felt better.
His comfort was short-lived as some rumbling starting bubbling up from inside the Mother Earth. With the frailty of what John was feeling inside his own belly he sensed down into the areas of rumbling and asked, “Is there something I can do for you, Mother? Can I help in any way?” He figured he might as well try.
Water started seeping around the granite boulder. Was something releasing from inside the Mother Earth? John felt the depth of this and he couldn’t breathe for a minute. When he finally gasped some air he started to sob. His body hurt. The animals backed away again and gave him some room and then they inched back in, possibly trying to console him. He reached out and stroked the fox, he even ran his hand against the rattler’s rough skin and exhaled a feeling of being safe and protected.
He asked again, “Is there something I can do for you, Mother? Can I help in any way?”
Then after a long dry spell he heard her say, “Yes, my son. I need you to start to speak to your people. I need you to tell them they are hurting me.”
John agreed saying, “I will do anything. Do you have any suggestions of how I am to speak to them?”
“You can write, you can preach and you can teach. I don’t care how, I just need you to start.”
In this moment John didn’t resist or hesitate. He complied, “I will do my best. Do you have any suggestions about what I should say and how I can get their attention? I am willing to be a messenger. I think I can write maybe better than I can preach or teach. I can definitely write if you help me with what to say.”
“Tell them they know not what they do and they are destroying the natural rhythms of things. I cannot sustain the level of negligence from your kind much longer,” She said.
“It seems like you would be telling this to a writer or someone who is easily able to relay your message. You know me, I’m the doubting Thomas. But I will shut up now and do the best that I can.” John mumbled, just not able to keep quiet his dread of having to communicate this.
He could feel the earth moaning and groaning beneath him. Was this the seismic activity he had been reading and hearing about? He wondered what it would feel like if the top of this mountain blew off? He guessed he wouldn’t be around to see it if it blew now and he continued wondering why he was being brought in so close to the living essence of the Mother Earth. Why was she confiding in him?
(Ok, so we have been going for about 100 pages of this questioning. Even the muse of this story is getting impatient!)
John opened his eyes, shook his head, got up and headed back down the mountain. He didn’t take time to notice or say goodbye to the animals. He just made a beeline for the truck. When he got to the truck he started it up, not even checking on Roscoe or the cat. He headed due north for the border. He figured it was time to land somewhere with good Internet, maybe a campground in an area he could live for awhile and start to write. He immediately started thinking of the right place to go. He reasoned it needed to be practical and not too majestic so as to be distracting in its beauty. He figured he would stay away from Sedona, AZ. It needed to be quiet and have Internet and all of the amenities. A small community would be nice. Probably a little more rural or even close to a national park would be good too. He was running a virtual map through his mind trying to decide where to land. And then it hit him! “Just drive, get out of the way. You don’t know the place yet, you haven’t been there before. It will reveal itself soon!”
“Here we go again. I feel like a dog chasing its tail,” John said out loud. Then he remembered Roscoe and the cat in the airstream. He figured he would pull over in a bit and get some gas and he could let them out for a stretch. John didn’t mind Mexico, he kind of liked it in fact, and started thinking about staying south of the border. Nevertheless, he was soon driving north. It seemed to him like he was being guided in a direct line to the Texas border. He reckoned he would just head for Laredo and decide which direction to turn from there. Sure enough, he drove through the night arriving at the border by first light. He was waved across without so much as a question. He laughed, wondering what stroke of luck he was riding on now. He’d figured he would have been questioned about Roscoe and the cat at least, but for this day the US border was a friendly passage.
Upon driving into Laredo John took one look at the city and decided to drive on. It was already hot and it was early morning, so the Dodge truck dodged Laredo and kept on truckin’. He instinctively headed northwest on Highway 90 until he crossed Interstate 10. Some part of him wasn’t interested in the main thoroughfares and he couldn’t make the turn onto the freeway. He continued north into New Mexico and realized he was getting close to a possible destination. The choice was coming down to New Mexico or Arizona. He was feeling the need to be in the deep Southwest, and he needed to be near water. That narrowed the choices somewhat and John started to look and listen for the place to land.
He found himself enjoying a 2-lane highway north through Pecos towards Roswell. He couldn’t stop himself from laughing about going to meet some aliens, but he wasn’t left alone long enough to laugh too much. As he was nearing nightfall his old friend came knocking. Sure enough, he about ran the whole rig off into a ditch as the wings came sweeping towards the windshield. True to form, the bird glanced off the glass with a thud. John was so startled he jerked the wheel hard to the right and the truck swerved and started zigzagging down the road with the airstream trying to go in the opposite direction. Luckily for everyone involved no other cars were on the road and John came to a stop, swearing as he hit the steering wheel, “Goddammit! Crazy bird!”
Since he was on the side of the road he might as well get out (check his pants) and see if the inside of the trailer was in order. He was so mad he wouldn’t even feign concern towards the large winged creature. No mercy! After picking up a few items he realized the trailer was okay, the truck was okay, Roscoe and the cat were okay. Time to move on. Then he glanced down the side of the road just to see if there was a shadow in the dusky light. He didn’t see anything and started to get into the truck. Roscoe whined. John said, “What?”
Roscoe whined again, even the cat was acting a little funny, jumping on the dash. John said, “Ah, come on! I don’t want to get distracted by a crazy owl again.” Roscoe jumped up on the seat and licked John’s face. John sighed, “Okay, I’ll walk back and take a quick look. I guess you want to go, too?”
Roscoe was out of the truck before John could say let’s go. Even the cat hopped out. The caravan road show! He was just shaking his head as he followed the critters into the dark.
He didn’t see or hear anything for about five minutes and then off in the field he heard the damnedest commotion. Roscoe was barking and whining like he had treed a raccoon. He even heard the cat growling in a weird sort of way. He made his way through a barbed wire fence to get closer to all of the ruckus. As he got closer he had the strangest feeling wash over him. The temperature seemed to drop about twenty degrees and chills started up and down his spine. When he found Roscoe and the cat they were looking up into a tree. John asked, “What ya’ got there, boy?”
John squinted up into the scraggly Pinion pine tree. He couldn’t make out much, and if it was an owl he was probably doing okay or he wouldn’t have made it here. Just as John was about to grab the cat up and holler for Roscoe to follow he had the distinct feeling he was being watched. He looked around, feeling kind of spooked and wishing he was back in the truck. Then he laughed and said out loud, “What am I afraid of, a crazy owl?” He started to shiver. He picked up the cat, said to Roscoe, “Let’s go!” and headed back towards the truck.
When he arrived back at the truck he opened the door and hopped in. Roscoe was bringing up the rear still wanting to go back, but he knew the word “go” and reluctantly hopped in, too. John locked the door and let out a sigh. He guessed he was becoming superstitious in his old age. He hit the starter and the Dodge fired up like it was supposed to. As he pulled out onto the road he looked back, still feeling like he was being watched. He thought to himself that he needed to do some research about owls. Maybe in Roswell or his next truck stop there would be a book or something he could pick up that talked about owls and why they were so mysterious and weird.
He was moseying on down the highway and he eventually pulled into a small truck stop and filled up with gas. He asked if he could park in the lot and get some sleep and it was agreeable since he had filled his tank. He got a few hours’ rest and woke up still on a mission to find out more about owls. The truck stop seemed to be managed by some native folks so he hung around for a bit looking for the most knowledgeable person he could speak to. He decided on an older white haired woman with a very distinguished set of cheekbones. He brought some snacks to the counter and the lady smiled, saying, “You’re not calling that breakfast, are you?”
John returned the smile and said, “Well I’m not too hungry this morning. This will hold me over ‘til lunch. I’m just driving, anyway.”
She smiled, “Where’s anyway?”
John looked confused.
“Are you suffering from lack of sleep? Not much fun this morning, are ya’?”
“What do you know about owls?”
The smile left her face. “Not much, they bring bad luck. Why do you ask?”
“I keep having a crazy owl fly into the window of my truck and the roof of my camper, and turn into a woman.” He suddenly realized he had said too much as the woman backed up. She was looking at him strangely. John continued, “You don’t know anyone who might be able to help me understand this do you?”
She shook her head no and said, “There’s not many folks left who know the way of the owl. Most of the younger people have no interest in the old ways. Are you just passing through?”
John nodded his head yes and started for the door. He had a funny feeling in the pit of his stomach. Just as he was stepping out of the door a very wrinkled, stooped-over woman waddled into the truck stop.
John stepped aside to let her pass. She didn’t look at John or acknowledge his existence. He had a strange feeling about her. A stomachache. He was tempted to follow her back into the store. His head was spinning. He walked on to the truck and had a seat for a few minutes. It would be nice driving in the early morning hours if he hit the road now, but he couldn’t leave. He waited for the elderly lady to come back out and he watched her walk alongside the road. He thought about giving her a lift. The next thing he knew he was driving beside the old lady and asked if she needed a ride. She didn’t answer but stepped into the truck when he reached across and opened the door. He said, “Where do you need to go?”
She waved down the road. She didn’t speak. He drove until she waved her hand to stop. He pulled over to the side of the road and she opened the door to step out. She smiled a toothless smile and handed him a small feather as she exited the truck. It was a pretty striped feather. He thought she might have pulled it out of her hair. When John noticed his fingers, he saw they were shaking.
That weird feeling in his stomach was growing stronger; it was that same feeling every time he saw an owl. He wondered—could animals turn into people and people turn into animals?There was a movie where Val Kilmer turned into a deer and avoided his pursuers. Weren’t the Apache Indians known for shifting into different forms to fool the white man? John found himself sitting on the side of the road in some kind of stupor. He was almost frozen there, not being allowed to leave. What the heck! He got out of the truck and started to walk in the same direction the old lady had disappeared.
He walked along the dusty trail for several minutes kicking some rocks with his feet, most of the time looking down, not acting too interested in his surroundings. It didn’t take long for him to notice the feeling inside his stomach getting stronger, and he had the distinct impression that he was being watched. A black shadowy figure flew overhead. He tried not to jump but only succeeded in looking up and stumbling rather awkwardly. He recognized the form; it wasn’t an owl but rather a large raven that cawed at him as it flew past. John continued to look at the shiny, black-feathered creature and wondered what it wanted with him.
It didn’t take long to be completely snapped out of that reality as a pack of dogs came barking, announcing his arrival to a dusty little village. There were dogs, goats, chickens and a few other skinny animals milling about. The other animals ignored the barking dogs but John wasn’t able to feign disinterest as the dogs surrounded him and continued to bark. They knew he wasn’t a welcomed visitor. Eventually a young man came out of a dusty mobile home and walked towards John. They both kept their eyes focused on the ground as they neared each other. As the dark-skinned man walked closer he looked less young than John anticipated and he appeared somewhat irritated as he asked, “Can I help you?”
John said, “I’m looking for someone who might tell me something about an owl.”
“Why don’t you look it up online?” answered the man, and he turned back towards the mobile home.
John felt foolish and out of place. Just as he turned to high tail it back to the truck the raven flew down close to his head. He jumped again and said, “Shit!” He started trotting back to the truck and turned quickly to see where the raven had landed. There was no dark bird in sight, but rather the old lady motioning to him with a stick. He stopped and looked closely at her. Was she motioning to him? John pointed to himself and asked, “Me?”
The toothless woman smiled and waved the stick for John to come to her. He looked around the area and felt watched by more than one set of eyes, but was curious to hear what the old woman had to say. So, he walked over to her and asked, “Que pasa?” She shook her head, still smiling, “Stupid gringo, I speak English.”
“I beg your pardon?”
She answered without pretension, “I said, stupid gringo, I speak English,” and she wacked him on the leg with the stick.
John jumped, not knowing how to react. He could have sworn he heard laughter through the walls of the nearby trailers. He was too shocked to get mad, but felt some anger trickling up his spine. “That was uncalled for! I was trying to be friendly.”
“Not friendly. Why do you want to know about something you cannot understand?” The old lady asked, still waving the stick.
Feeling the surge of anger for sure now John said, “Don’t hit me with that stick again.” His vision blurred. He felt a little faint and looked for a place to sit. When he looked up again the old woman was gone. He felt relieved in some way. Then he looked towards the closest trailer and the dark-skinned man was walking towards him again.
The man approached John and said, “Can I help you?”
John said, “I think so. Where’d the old woman go?”
The man said, “What woman?”
John said, “The lady I was speaking to. No teeth. The one that wacked me with a stick.”
The man said, “Do you need some water?”
John said, “I need to ask the owl lady about the owl. I mean, I need to ask the old lady about the owl.”
The man shook his head and said, “I’m not sure what you’re talking about. Do you need help back to the road? You can’t stay here.”
“Alright, I’m leaving,” said John, and he started walking back towards the truck. He was shaking his head, still feeling dizzy and sweaty. What the hell just happened there, he thought? “If this gets any weirder I might need to check myself into the cuckoo nest,” he said under his breath.
When he rounded the turn and saw the truck and airstream a dark bird flew away from the vehicle. John was too tired to think much about it. Probably a stupid raven, he thought, and walked on to the truck. Roscoe raised his head up from the floorboard where he generally slept when there were no options to tag along. Kitty was nowhere to be found, but John assumed she was hiding out in the trailer and he didn’t even bother to look. It was time to head on down the road. He put the keys in the ignition, the gear reduction starter whined into action and the V-8 engine answered the call. As John shifted the automatic transmission into drive the caravan lurched forward and the heat waves parted over the country road in a hypnotic belly dance. John barely noticed anything except an urgency to get the hell out of dodge! And that reference was not towards the one he was driving!
Little did he notice the ravens flying alongside the rig for the next several miles. He could care less about the exchanges with nature, and birds in particular. He was definitely flustered and frustrated with everything right now. It didn’t help, the old woman calling him stupid and hitting him with the stick. What was the point of these lessons, he wondered? When he looked for simple answers to things, situations only became weirder and more complicated. Why should he care about owls, old women or the Mother Earth, for that matter? He found himself wishing for a normal life in that moment and then he caught himself and laughed. Why so serious? He hit the steering wheel with his hand and continued to laugh. Why was he taking this shit so seriously? It was hard to tell what was real anymore. Maybe that was it? Nothing was real. It was all imagination and dreams…and he drove off into the sunset.
Intermission: The Blurry Dream Continues
Speaking of dreams, John’s dreams would not leave him alone. Everything he was thinking in his real life merged into his dream life. He would wake up and not be able to tell if he had been asleep or awake all night. Life was a blur. He would not have known where he was if not for the road signs, as he continued to travel up and down the country roads. For the last few weeks there were no encounters with birds or any other creatures. If it were not for the dreams things would have been okay. Finally he decided to slow down. To find a place to land for a while and get his footing, and not just any place would do right now. He needed a place where he could concentrate, a place to write. This was scary. He wasn’t a writer. He didn’t know anyone. What was he going to write for? Who was he going to write to? He didn’t know anything except that he had to write.
Thus begins the blurry dream of John River’s journal. He made a commitment to write until he knew what the writing thing was about. He had made a semi-commitment to the Mother Earth that he would try to write to the people. Again, this was all part and parcel of the problem. What was this relationship with Mother Earth, Nature, owls, ravens and weird mythical embodiments? Who were these beings? Well, John decided he at least had to try to give them a voice and to express what they were trying to get him to say. Otherwise, it seemed pretty apparent they were not going to leave him alone. Is this the nature of insanity? John thought about the homeless people walking on the streets and talking to the air. Carrying on heated conversations with no one in physical form. That was about the most accurate description John had for what he was going through.
In the meantime, he pulled into Truth or Consequences, New Mexico. If he could work out an arrangement to fix a few things and trade for his parking space he would be in business. True to form, John was in business soon. He could park his vehicle and work a few hours a day for his trade at a nondescript hot springs RV Park. It seemed like a good arrangement for the time being. If he needed more solitude he would unhook the trailer and take some drives into the desert and see where his writing wanted to take him. For the first couple of weeks he manifested one distraction after the next and did very little writing, but he managed to fix all of the plumbing, electrical and basic problems at the RV park. His value had been established, and since he had saved the place some high dollar repair bills, he was now relegated to only a few hours each week for emergency service work. He suddenly had much more free time to write.
John thought he might need to research how to write. He read about structure and creating an outline of what he was going to write about. None of it made much sense and bogged him down even more. His mind kept trying to convince him that he didn’t have anything to write about. He became more and more frustrated. Finally one night he woke up from a dream with the most wonderful voice telling him to just write, to tell his story. He got out of bed, sat down and started to write.
The more he got out of the way and just wrote whatever came to him, the easier the process became. He started out writing about the strange experiences that had been happening to him for the last year. He would laugh and shake his head about how so much of his story sounded like a science fiction-cartoon-comedy.
Maybe he was writing to try to convince himself he wasn’t crazy, or maybe the more he wrote the more he realized he was. It was a never-ending story of contradictions and far-fetched realities. I mean, how could the Mother Earth really speak to a person like another person? How could a stupid weasel take on a sarcastic personality like somebody you love to hate? How could a person fall in the water and sink into the Mother Earth and not drown? The list was endless, but maybe for now it was just his job to write. Not to analyze, critique or kill whatever wanted to speak through him. He just had to stay out of his own way and not over-think it. So, he tried….
Over the next few weeks John struggled to stay out of the way of the writing. Then one morning around 3 am he awoke to the voice telling him to get up and write. John was used to waking up about this time, so he got up and sat down at the computer, and a very warm loving feeling washed over him. He felt really good. Like he was getting the biggest hug from somewhere. A gentle breeze started blowing through the Airstream's windows and he started to hear a delicate whisper that seemed like something he should write down, so he tried to type what he heard. It went something like this:
“My son, thank you for listening. I know the journey has not been easy for you. It never will be, but I am here to help you with your story. The first thing we need to do is to convince you that there is a message that you are here to transmit. You can claim it for your own, or you can be the scribe for the Mother Earth. I am an intermediary for Her. In your language you can refer to me as your muse. From now on when I refer to ‘I,’ know that I am speaking for the Mother. In another way, you could look at me as a speaker/translator all rolled into one. The Mother Earth has her way of speaking to me and I form her words into your language, or one you can hopefully understand. If it were okay with you I would prefer to communicate with you in an auditory way and remain formless. I will use less energy this way and you won’t get as attached to me. Thank you for being so patient! I imagine you have many questions for me.”
Remarkably, John only said, “Please continue!”
“I wish I could tell you the whole story now and you could just write it and we could be done, but that won’t be the case. Our writing is going to take a while and there is some likelihood that we will need to continue to write together for a long time.”
“I think that will be okay.”
Was John being mesmerized by this soft, gentle voice? From an outside perspective, it would sure seem so. For John not to have a million questions was shocking. Even John smiled at himself. In some way he felt very comforted thinking he finally had a consistent communicator, who could also be a translator helping him understand this dilemma. He was quite curious about what to call her.
“You can call me Sage, since I know you love the plant so much. And yes, I can hear your thoughts. It will save us much time in our work if I know what you are thinking.”
“Well, if you know what I’m thinking…”
“You won’t need to ask many questions, and we can get started right away.”
“You really can hear my thoughts! I’m not a fast typist. I have lousy grammar and I misspell words.”
“That’s fine,” Sage said, “let’s get started. You must first introduce yourself and state that it has been requested of you to write a story for the Mother Earth and it is fine to explain about your feelings of doubt. You can write that in your own time. It is a relevant part of the story, because you represent “everyman” out there. Actually, most would have a harder time than you accepting this role.”
PART TWO: Writing and the Future
John wrote, struggled, doubted and wrote some more. He resisted the process, yet like so many things in his life he still did his best to let the story about himself come out. And, he found some of it did come out easily. It went something like this:
“My name is John Rivers. Nothing in my life has come easy for me, even though looking at my life from the outside you would think it has been easy. I’ve lived my life feeling out of sync with most things, certainly most things human. I’ve never really fit into the normal routine of what others call life. In a lot of ways I am grateful for that, even though it is uncomfortable most of the time. The predominant feeling I live with is that I am waiting for something to happen that never really does happen. I can’t say what it is that I am expecting to happen, other than I have a feeling that I am supposed to be witness to something. I am supposed to be present as something unfolds. It feels like an event, something big, but I can’t tell you what it is. I can’t tell you anything about any of it other than it’s a feeling.
I’m supposed to be introducing myself now! In recent times weird experiences have started to happen that would honestly drive the average person crazy. Since I am not the average person, these experiences just make me uncomfortable, and they seem to heighten my sense that something even weirder is just around the corner. I try not to be skeptical about the Mother Earth and all of the beings that she seems to control. I am doing my best to try to be respectful about this whole experience and when I write about it the whole thing seems ridiculous. Maybe I should just shut up and say, “My name is John Rivers and I am at your service. Use me for good and I will do my best to help in getting your message to the people. Amen!”
When John stopped typing there was silence. He heard a soft sigh, “Well, it’s certainly a short introduction but it will do.” There was another extended silence then John relaxed into the realization that Sage could hear his thoughts anyway, so why not start the dialog with his mind. Who knows? At some point maybe he would be able to hear her thoughts.
Then he heard, “That would certainly speed things up if you could receive my messages and just type them up. I know, you’re not that fast of a typist. But if we join energies and move as one we will be much more efficient.”
“Okay, I’m just going to write what comes and give myself permission to make it up as I know it is all being influenced and stimulated by you. The whole enchilada lies with you!”
This process stumbled along for a couple of more days with John in his usual place as a writer—waiting, doubting and questioning. Then the moment of light occurred. He felt different this morning and sure enough the moment he lit a leaf of sage a big burst of light appeared around him. He was startled but relaxed rather quickly as he felt another presence around him. “Is that you, Sage?”
“Yes it is, Mr. River. It looks like you are ready to proceed.”
“I can’t wait to get started!”
“Good, we’ll jump right in. This is not going to be a story that starts in the beginning and goes ‘til the end. Rather, it is going to jump around. I will have to help you in your own understanding and evolution, so that you will be able to transmit the message for the Mother Earth to your people. I am not sure how quickly this will proceed, but here we go!
The mountain we have to climb with humankind is to educate your people about the cumulative effect of inhabitance on the Mother Earth. Yes, it is about pollution and the depletion of her resources. But even more important is the overall hostility and lack of concern and connection to all other life forms, including the Mother Earth herself. Why do I call the Mother Earth a she? Because She is a mother being who encourages and supports life in all forms and formats. She is a womb of wonder and a beacon of birth.
My job in working with you is to help you understand the ramifications of the direction that humanity is heading. I don’t know if the messages from Mother Earth will be received in any way that will truly influence human behavior, but we have to try. Don’t you agree?
I will jump right into one of the most complicated problems, and it is the use of and reliance on technology as opposed to the reliance on and connection to nature. Often created to advance humankind, technology has shown capability to unify humanity, bringing people together in new ways. Yet it also has a tendency to isolate individuals and bring out some of the worst in people. Your technology is heavily used in warfare and inflicting harm on each other. And still, the more important issue for us to work on is to educate humankind about your affect on all of earth’s strata—earth’s interior, surface, and atmosphere. What is happening inside of earth and in the atmosphere is far more important than what you can see on the surface.
Science has done well trying to bring awareness to global warming and conservation organizations have done well in identifying that there is a problem. However, the actual problem has yet to be accurately identified.
At this time, all of humanity is in the birth canal of conscious reality. All of the life forms are more deeply connected and layered in their existence now than ever before. The possibilities for this new birth are endless.
The message is so simple to talk about and yet so difficult to convey. The interconnectedness of all experiences that have happened from the beginning are accessible to you now. The question is what will you do with them. The lessons, challenges, mistakes and successes are here for you to use.”
John was listening intently and trying to keep up typing the message on his laptop. He stopped. Sage said, “I know you have questions coming. Try to keep listening and I will try to simultaneously answer you.”
Quite frankly, the world you live in is crazy. Your people have mutated to the point of disassociation from the natural world so much so that you are lethal to the Mother Earth. You are destroying Her rapidly with your actions and you are close to the point of no return. I know this doesn’t sound positive, rather, it is harsh by all intents and purposes. If things continue as they are, your civilization has less than twenty years left here.”
John couldn’t take it anymore. “Twenty years? What does that mean?” Trying to do the math John almost drifted away, but Sage continued.
“It means that the de-population of the Mother Earth will be underway soon. Most will be removed with a few natural disasters that will be catastrophic to say the least. She is done trying to be patient. Not only are you killing each other, but you are close to the destruction of the Mother as well.
At this point it has not been decided if it will be a total clearing, a planet devoid of the human species and most other life forms for another long sterilization period—this has happened before. You are not the first experiment gone badly. No, this has been tried many times and with each endeavor your species has gotten to this same place of evolution, and turned destructive. We are examining all of our inputs in the experiment.
Yes, the question that haunts you is, ‘Why me?’ I will try to explain it to you. You are a sensitive being with natural bridge-like communication ability for the Mother Earth. As soon as you accept this gift it will start to make sense. There are a few out there like you who are natural universal interpreters. You are able to hear and receive messages directly from the Mother Earth and impart them to the public. You and those like you are needed now to speak for the Mother Earth.
If drastic environmental changes do not take place in the next five to ten years the Mother Earth will rapidly lose her ability to sustain life. And more importantly, a lessening desire to try the experiment again is becoming a reality. The choice to leave earth as a natural setting with no superior type beings may be elected. There may be a cap placed on life so that no one species is able to gain the upper hand on the other. Earth would be a paradise reality with a certain level of consciousness but no exceptional levels, no one superior species, eliminating the possibility for human life, whether through evolution or creation. Life without humans could be sustainable and much easier on the Mother Earth.
Nevertheless, there are those sitting on the side of life, which are still lobbying for one more chance for humankind to redeem itself. The Mother Earth has the majority of voting and veto power and she has always shown a propensity towards birth and life of all kinds. Ultimately, what this means is she is tired. If she has another million years to hibernate and rest, there may be another opportunity for man to return. Rest assured, if you are banished it will be a long window of time before you will return.”
John was still thinking, “Why am I sitting here listening to this? Why me? If I die why do I care about how long it is before man returns?”
“All good questions my friend,” Sage countered. “As a human bridge for the natural world you have been born with responsibility for your people. That is why you have been resistant to work with them. You are unresolved about other lifetimes where you were responsible for life in many ways. This is part and parcel for who you are and where you are from.”
“Where am I from? Please, enlighten me.”
“From the Angelic realm you are recognized as a crystal filament of blue light. From the plant and animal kingdom you are recognized as a beam of green chlorophyll light. From the mineral kingdom you appear as a quartz clear light. From the water kingdom your light is seen as a blend of the blue and green light from the first two realms mentioned. From all the various kingdoms you are recognized as a relative and this is an important aspect of your gift. As has been said to you before, you’re not special from the natural world’s perspective—you are necessary. You have been blessed and cursed all at the same time with opportunities to shine. Most with your type of gifts have not used them well over time. This is the one area we are really looking into. How do we take the gifted ones and set them up to succeed?
We are realizing that responsibility has a tendency to be difficult for humans to accept and grow into, in their understanding and using of their gifts in their lives. You have not done well with what you have inherited from other lifetimes. This lifetime is very important for us as well as you on your journey, as light traveling through the Universe seeding various earth-like settings as a keystone to life itself. Again, don’t get too caught up in your being any more special that many others. You’re not! You are part of the whole, one ray of light in a myriad of rainbows. In the transmission of light you have a particular gift that is very rare among your kind. You have an ability to bring through this life-giving light in moments when you are tuned just right—tuned in neutral really. Where you are not thinking, but simply transmitting the universal energy flow (life-giving light) through you.
So, what does this all mean? It means you have come to a point of usage. You will use this gift, take responsibility and lead your people—or not. The gift will not be transferred to your essence again, meaning it will be lost if not implemented and used in a good way.
John thought for a moment and said, “It always gets so serious at this point in the presentation. I’m special, I’m not special. I have gifts, but I don’t use them. I think way too much. I wish it would all go away. I guess that’s the responsibility part. I don’t want to be responsible for others, I don’t want to lead the people. Who are the people, anyway?”
“They are human beings just like you—all of humanity, really. The Mother Earth cannot sustain you anymore. Resources are one thing, but it’s more of a negative energy thing. The collective energy has tipped to an acidic level that would be against the Mother’s belief to allow your kind to populate any of the closer constellations with more who think like you. The councils of life are firmly against it.”
“I don’t understand how you can wipe the slate clean of all people when not everyone is contributing negative energy to the whole, even if the majority are negative.”
“We could suffer grave consequences if we allowed you to take the life of the Mother Earth. She is more fragile than you know. Many of her sisters in the Universe have had life extinguished from them when they did not exert more control over certain life forms. Usually the sentient beings with a considerable level of intelligence have been at the center of the conflicts because they consider themselves the most important species, and they are not. It is more about equality and balance for all life forms and consciousness’s.
There will be a purification happening deep inside the Mother Earth. Volcanic activity will be great. Mountains will burst open and release her fluids. Water will rise again to great flood levels. There will be a few pockets where small communities of seed stock will remain, but they may not make it through the hibernation period for Mother Earth. If she turns off all of the energy for a long window of time then all life as you know it will cease to exist on the planet. There will be some life forms that find ways to survive deep inside the Mother, but life on the surface will be impossible.”
John started to squirm. “Why does it need to be so violent and full of death? I mean, why can’t you get the message across without annihilation? It will send things back to the ice ages.”
“That’s the whole point. Some experiments are not successful. This last experiment has been tumultuous to say the least. We have tried everything from all of the invisible realms. We have interfered enough with the trajectory of this project.”
“What project? I mean, why does it sound so sterile? We are human. We make mistakes. We can change.”
“That is what we hoped for, waited for and even prayed for. We have longed for humankind to change the way you think and live, but it’s only getting worse. You have little regard for the Mother Earth as a being. She is treated literally like dirt, in your words. She is a vastly feeling, sentient life form much like you, or maybe from your perspective She might be more like the great blue whale. Too big for her own good, too sensitive to exist with most other beings. Her closest friends or relationships would be with the moon, other planets and the sun. They have great compassion for her and sympathize her plight.”
“What does that mean?” He no longer waited for Sage to answer his thoughts. He was on edge, but also feeling inspired by his concern.
“The Mother Earth is indeed your Mother, without her you would not be here. She has birthed life many times over for all of life, on this planet and beyond. She is a fertility beaker for much of the life throughout the Universe. Other planetary systems have the ability to support life once it is established and tuned to the requirements of that system. However, the Mother Earth is the birthplace for sentient life. Life most like you, life you are familiar with, including animals and creatures who have an ability to think, feel and have a heartbeat. Many life forms including human have left this solar system in prior millennia to seed other parts unknown to your scientists until now. Soon they will be exploring regions where others have gone, as well as preparing expeditions and evacuations to some of these regions in the near future. A mass exodus is being planned for the so-called “elite people” in the next five years. They will venture to stations on the moon and Mars to start, and once adapted to space life and travel they will be escorted along to other star systems where your relatives have been living for long durations. There is a common pact amongst the elite to provide safe haven for a period of time for all evacuees.
John River lay on a carpet of grass gazing into the early morning sky watching Venus arc across the pre-dawn horizon. She appeared as a torch sent from the heavens to illuminate the darkness. Her twinkling light was so seductive that John found himself waking to greet her every morning. The new year of 2021 had broken open with much the same restlessness stirring on the earth. The US was still at war somewhere; it was just hard to know all the places deemed of interest to peace and democracy. John found himself reflecting back to life as a young boy and nothing had really changed in the way he viewed the stars, the heavens, creation, God and the Universe. When he looked into space he would dream about the creator and would wonder how much of all we see is random. He would try to understand the depths of the Universe and finally would just relax and accept what a magical thing life was, what an amazing opportunity to be alive!
John had witnessed great change on the planet Earth, he had witnessed all of the advancements technology could bring forth. He had witnessed himself get to the breaking point of his own sanity. He may have even lost what others would call sanity at one point.
He reflected back to the time where he couldn’t do it anymore, where he couldn’t go on. It was late 2016, about five years ago when he had his breakdown, or maybe it was better described as a disappearance, abduction and to some, a breakthrough. Nobody knows where he went and he certainly didn’t remember anything, but a couple of weeks just disappeared. John had no memory, record or tangible experience of what happened except he was driving his truck on a desert road one night in the SW region of the US. He didn’t fall asleep, hit his head or take any drugs. Even with as many strange things that have happened to him over the years, he still didn’t believe in aliens. Nevertheless, this was shaping up like some sort of strange abduction. He felt like he died, stopped breathing, thinking or reacting—like he went into some void. He had a gas receipt on the floorboard of the truck saying he filled up in Tucumcari, NM and the next thing he remembered he was driving in the border regions close to El Paso. Close enough in fact to read a sign that he was about to cross over into Mexico. The next thing he knew he was slamming on the brakes making a sharp turn to avoid driving into Mexico; it didn’t seem like the fruitful thing to do in the moment of taking the next breath. What the hell was he doing? He struggled to gasp air and broke into a sweat. To any law enforcement personnel he would appear strung out on crystal meth. Luckily, he was able to pull into a 7-11 and get out of the truck and walk around. He was now driving a beat up 2011 Chevy Silverado pickup with many shades of Bondo, primer and paint on every fender. His truck would fit right in, in Juarez or any of the other border towns. He, on the other hand, might have a harder time fitting in, but the way he looked at the moment there’s a good chance they would have left him alone!
So he tried to recount his steps, nothing. No memory and not enough gas to get him from where he last filled up to where he was now. Actually his truck was almost full of gas, so that didn’t make sense at all. How did he get here? Where was he going? How did this happen? Did he black out, but manage to drive 350 miles and not burn any gas? Truth be told, he did not remember filling up with gas in Tucumcari, NM, either!
More than once lately John had seriously thought he might be losing his mind, and this current experience was at the top of the list. He was going to have to consider how safe it was for him to be behind the wheel if he couldn’t remember getting from one place to the other.
Reflecting back to what happened in the two-week amnesia period, he realized he really did lose something. He lost his skepticism and he started gaining some faith for once in his life. He decided to just follow his guidance and do whatever he was told to do for the Mother Earth. There must be some method to her madness, or so he hoped.
Instead of listening to the guidance he was receiving and doubting it and thinking it crazy, he decided to accept it as real. To accept there was something going on here and that he had a role to play with the Mother Earth and all of her inhabitants. He decided the best way to proceed was not to think that he was any more special than anyone else, but rather that he had the time and space to deal with this mission, as he was beginning to think of it. The more he accepted it all as having a simple purpose to do with helping his fellow man in some very easy way, it got easier to play along.
The more he stayed out of the way the more he was guided in very simple images about what he was to do. And, also in the simplest of ways, he was told by his old friend Sage that he was a “Nature Whisperer.” He was told that he was to bring healing to many physical places on the earth herself by his ability to create healing vortexes. These vortices had the ability to remove stored trauma within the soil, rocks and minerals of the Mother. Before this pivotal time of 2016, John would have recoiled and pulled back so far that it would have taken him years to accept this mission. Now he accepted the unknown as security in some way. So, there was some motivation at the end of the day to play along, but more accurately, he was choosing a path of least resistance. The more he went along the more certain things started lining up.
You might wonder, “What is a Nature Whisperer?” John had wondered the same. He was told by Sage that it is a person who has the ability to facilitate and communicate with the Nature Spirits. Well then, what are the Nature Spirits? Sage explained that Nature Spirits are metaphysical beings, which inhabit and work with the energies of the non-physical world by bringing these energies to the physical in the ongoing work of creation and evolution. They are the intermediaries between the spirit realm and the earth plane. They are the beings just out of sight for the average human eye. Many cultures from long ago had a few of these Nature Whisperers who were able to bridge between the rest of the tribe and nature itself. They would provide the translation to their people, who would then receive guidance, protection and energy from the Nature Spirits.
Sage continued that Nature Spirits are involved in every aspect of life and in every natural process. Every part of the world is alive and nature spirits are to be found everywhere: in the oceans, within Earth and in the atmosphere. Nature Spirits are form-makers and are part of a hierarchy of life that begins with the angelic spark of the light-creation realm that is directed down through the different planes of existence into manifestation in the physical world. We can think of Nature Spirits as the lower aspects of angelic energies, manifested into the earth plane. Viewing the hierarchy from a human, linear viewpoint, we see the angels presiding over the work of many different types of nature spirits, from high to low. Angels transform life from the soul stepping it down through the planes so that it becomes available to all aspects of creation. It is taken up and transformed by the various Nature Spirits as it reaches their level of existence.
Devas are a very evolved Nature Spirit. Some devas are of a higher nature than others and are therefore able to work with the more refined substance of higher planes. The scope of their work crosses over with that of the angels to some degree, as there is no clear line of separation, just a gradual blending of function. Devas receive and transform the forces emanated by the angels and pass them down through the lower planes and into the astral world, and there they are ready to be worked by the smaller Nature Spirits. The action of the Nature Spirits is tied more to the movement of the seasons of the physical world than that of the angels, so their emanations tend to be more predictable, rhythmic and specific. Devas are usually associated with features of the landscape such as mountains, plains or clearly defined regions. They can be found presiding over areas of woodland or large cultivated areas such as botanical gardens or parkland areas. They direct the activities of all natural processes within their sphere of influence, emitting the appropriate formative impulses for the harmonious functioning of the natural formations and plants in their care.
Nature Spiritsare highly aware of the activities of animals and people around them and respond with a brightening and quickening of energy to anyone admiring or enjoying the area they oversee. They recognize and acknowledge this attention by sharing energy with the birds, animals or people who create this exchange. On occasion they communicate mind-to-mind with human beings. The consciousness of a Nature Spirit is unwaveringly bright, encompassing and joyful. They are quite impersonal, having no judgment or opinion of what goes on around them.
It is easily accepted that Nature Spirits are associated with rocks and plants; however, they are an essential part of all living things. Animals and human beings are also made of the four elements, therefore they have Nature Spirits of earth, air, fire and water within them. These are a specialized type of Nature Spirit that functions differently than those in the plant and mineral worlds. The thinking and attitudes of a human being automatically manage the activities of the Nature Spirits within his or her body, whereas in nature the Nature Spirit controls the flow of energy.
It is common agreement among the different philosophies of humankind that there are four types of elements: earth, air, fire and water. So also, there are four unique elemental energiesthat the Nature Spirits appear as. They tend the forces of nature and sustain the four elements of earth (gnomes), air (sylphs), fire (salamanders) and water (undines).
Earth Elementals - Gnomes
The Nature Spirits called gnomes are the ones who tend and care for the earth at the physical level. There are vast quantities of gnomes and without them, the planet would not be habitable by us. Among the things that gnomes are responsible for include:
-Enriching the soil
-Formation of minerals
-Processing of waste and pollution
-Protection of the plants
Most importantly on the spiritual level, the gnomes have equally important and even heavier chores. They must clean up the energetic release that is on the earth due to humankind's volatility and negativity. This includes the energy and imagery from wars, murders, rapes and abuse on all levels, as well as from the negative emotions of anger, fear and sadness. These entire combine to form an enormous amount of negatively charged energy that weighs on the Mother Earth and the Nature Spirits. As an example of how our emotional states can affect our earth, earthquakes can indicate a lack of "grounding" and an overall inability to keep ourselves stable on an emotional level.
Gnomes vary in appearance and most often are short and impish. Some appear as very small elves, others as up to 3-foot high dwarves, while they may even appear as very large beings.
Air Elementals - Sylphs
As with the gnomes, we could not survive without the aid of the air elementals - the sylphs. They are responsible for:
-Tending to the air element, atmospheric conditions and directing air flows
-Aerating every cell with prana - the sacred breath of Spirit which nourishes all things
-Purifying the atmosphere of pollution such as car exhaust and toxic fumes released from factories
The air element also corresponds to the mental plane, or mind. The sylphs purify the mental level from negative energies and toxins such as anger, resentment and greed. Hurricanes and tornadoes can be looked at as explosions of air and reflect an over-abundance of mental focus, particularly of mental stress and anxiety.
Sylphs usually have thin energetic bodies that can transform into many shapes as they soar through the air. Their movements are often defined by the formation of clouds, and they are able to travel very quickly over great distances.
Fire Elementals - Salamanders
These Nature Spirits - the salamanders - work with the fire element and their jobs are crucial to our existence by:
-Infusing the molecules of matter and all creation with the energies of Spirit necessary to sustain life on earth—without the spark of life the salamanders sustain, matter would decay, corrode and disintegrate
-Controlling the spiritual-material cohesion and movement of light within the nucleus of every atom
-Transferring the fires of the subtle world for mankind's daily use (electricity, firelight, etc.)
Salamanders are also responsible for absorbing and transmuting huge masses of negativity over the large cities on earth. Without them, crime and negativity would be prevalent. These nature spirits are the biggest, most powerful of the elementals. They are long, majestic beings and can appear as swirling fire. Fires and volcanic eruptions can occur when there is a widespread outbreak of anger among many people in a given area.
Water Elementals - Undines
The undines are the Nature Spirits who govern water and its energies wherever water is present, in large or small sources. The critical jobs they are responsible for are:
-Purification of water everywhere, including in our own bodies
-Cleansing the water of earth poisoned by toxins such as sewage, industrial waste, oil spills, chemicals, etc.
-Control of the tides, oxygenation and precipitation
-Control of all of the fish and mineral life in the seas and in the freshwater of the earth
The undines also cleanse the aspect of humankind's life, which relates to the water element—the emotions. The undines carry the weight of our emotional pollution—feelings of anger, fear, and sadness. Sudden abundances of water, such as floods and tsunamis, can occur in response to powerful, sustained sorrow in a majority of the people in an area. Similarly, droughts can indicate an inability or unwillingness to grieve, and to face our own pain. These elementals can appear as beautiful, mermaid-like beings. They are swift and subtle in their movements and can change form quickly.
Angels, Nature Spirits, Elementals, and Animals
“The miracle of life is contained within the miracle of the Angels, Nature Spirits, and specifically in their roles as elementals, ” Sage offered. “We are totally dependent on the selfless service of the Nature Spirits, who are mostly unrecognized by the majority of mankind, but much more easily recognized in the form of the elemental energies and most easily recognized in the form of an animal. Angels and Nature Spirits give us the miracle of life and without them, life on earth would not be possible. The elementals are extremely overburdened and this is resulting in the increasing number of natural disasters. The Nature Spirits need our help! This is why you are being called, John River. You have an ability to help the Nature Spirits in their work; you also have an ability to help man become aware of just how fragile the balance of everything really is right now. As a Nature Whisperer you are a bridge between worlds.
The universe and your solar system in particular are evolving. You are indeed at the beginning of the Aquarian Age, which will be an era of increased illumination and opportunity for spiritual growth. Powerful forces are being poured upon Earth from angels, and higher realms and are being made available to every person to assist them in their evolution. These forces permeate every particle that makes up our Earth. The influences from these forces are available and helpful to all, whether individuals are aware of them or not. In an opposite effect, it is bringing out the darkness for all to witness, experience and hopefully heal, as in this process arrives a deep cleansing of age-old human negativity and darkness.
If we remain mindful of the opportunities available to us and thankful for them, we automatically align ourselves with the light and become co-workers in bringing illumination to the Mother Earth. What say you, John River? This cannot be explained to you at a later time. The window for your participation will not remain open much longer. If you decline, we will be moving our focus to a few of the other remaining Nature Whisperers.
John River thought he understood, and he began to realize the experiences he had taken for granted most of his life possibly were the “Nature Whisperer” thing. He assumed most people could speak to the wind, or could hear things from a fire, or feel things with the earth, or could release things with the waters. Even though he knew he was different than most people, he didn’t really think his experience was all that unique.
There are many metaphysical processes at work within the physical world. There are the various energies associated with life, as well as a countless number of non-physical beings, which work to make the metaphysical processes happen. The funny thing about humans is they think life happens because of them and honestly most of the time life continues to happen in spite of them.
More Sage Advice
Sage continued to present more and more information to John. John finally said, “Look, I have been pursued by you too much for my comfort, but resistance is no longer necessary for me. I am still unclear about what I am supposed to do. I do not feel responsible for my fellow man in any way. I do not have any children or family that I need to preserve or help through anything. I feel like I have chosen to be a loner, so I can be independent of the normal pulls of man. About the only way you have to hook me is through my love of animals, Nature and the Mother Earth. I wish I didn’t have this curiosity, so I could tell you to go away and leave me alone, but I do care….”
Sage interrupted, “You care because you are one of us, John River. We are your family. The reason you have never fit in with the earth people is because you were put amongst them as an experiment, to see if you could fit in and become one of them, to see if you would prefer this type of existence. We now realize we subjected you to a very difficult test, nevertheless, the hard thing for you to remember is you agreed to do this. Before you were sparked into this existence, you agreed to materialize into a human body and help these people, who have been experiments themselves off and on throughout time. We were a bit surprised when you volunteered, as no one was jumping at the opportunity to devolve and forget who he or she was. You did. You said you would do it for humanity and would agree to be this bridge between the seen and unseen worlds. We all sighed at the relief of not having to live your journey and we admired the courage you exhibited to go back through the evolutionary process.”
John asked, “Will I ever remember this story? Or get to jump forward to who I was before?”
Sage said, “I honestly do not know the answer to this. There is one irrefutable measurement that we cannot predict. It has not been determined yet, it seems. This is the power of love. Love is the glue that binds everything together in the Universe. It is at the center of the spark of light that ignited long ago. Even we do not know what caused this infinite spark that has continued as a spiral of creation since the beginning. We do not know what existed before the beginning, however we do know what it feels like. We know that it has a birthing energy to it, something from a mother-like place. It has a warm, germinating quality of nurturance to it. This initial spark of light was ignited through a conscious choice to share, grow and express more love.”
“For some reason I don’t believe you don’t know where this all began. What this thing called life is all about. I know I have a million questions and you are not going to answer them now. But tell me one thing—why is love so important?”
Sage said, “There is something about love that makes it circular. It is self-generating. It continues to replicate itself. It is infinite. Love is the energy that creates life. It is the energy that holds consciousness together. It holds the imprint to life itself. It is the source of the light forever illuminating the darkness. Part of your mission with humans will be to help them understand how the preciousness of all life is tied to the energy of love, and the area of greatest imbalance is the loss of how we are all connected. The human species is losing the recognition that all life is a team effort, and not just a human experience. In many ways the selfishness of man is throwing the whole ecosystem off. One last very important piece of information, and maybe the way you will be able to hook humans into listening, is: without love they will rapidly lose their way. They will lose their way into the void and not be able to return to this dimension (Earth). This is the anxiety you are witnessing in mankind right now.”
John quickly asked, “What does that mean? The void?”
“The transmission of the spirit into a body in the birth process is more than a physiological process. For the spirit to spark into existence it takes love to pull the consciousness through from the vastness—from the void of spirit, which is another dimension.”
“Hasn’t somebody already written about this? This doesn’t seem like anything new. I’m sure this has happened with man before. Isn’t this what happened in the time of Noah, Atlantis, the Mayans, or even the Egyptians, for that matter? This is what man does. They forget and end up paying the consequences.”
Sage said, “Yes, this is true, and yet it hasn’t quite happened like this before. Of course when you are able to remember you will recall being around during all of these prior events. Remember the black goddess who kept changing into an owl? She is attached to the same experiment as you. I’m going to prepare you; she will be reappearing. It could be painful and no doubt will occur at a very unfavorable time. Remember that she said she owes you a debt, and you have nothing to fear from her.”
“Except excruciating pain every time she shows up!” John grumbled. “I’m assuming some of those weird-looking beings from before were these Nature Spirits? I thought they were aliens; at least I was sure they weren’t human. And what do you mean, “We are your family?”
Sage said, “That’s not easily explained in this moment, but I will do my best. Yes, those translucent beings you saw that time when you fell into the spring in Arkansas are your family. I know it felt more like a dream than anything; nevertheless, those were the water elemental beings known as the Undines, and those were a specific family of Nature Spirits that live in the springs and underground water sources. They are rarely ever encountered or seen by humans. You saw them because they let you see them. You were brought to that meeting as a test to see how you would handle it. Do you remember who escorted you to see them?”
John replied, “Yes, the black creature…I want to call her a witch, but I guess you prefer I call her a goddess.”
“It’s amazing how much pain clouds your memory with who she is to you. She is very important to your journey.”
“Yeah, well, it will be good to remember what this is all about, just saying! Now, back to the ‘my family’ comment. How are you and these beings my family?”
“I am more of your family than the biological family you were born into. You hear me as a voice. So far, I’m a bit surprised you haven’t asked for more information about me, like maybe how I look. Now that I’ve brought it up, I guess it’s show and tell time. Here I am. Can you see me, John River?”
John frowned and looked around the room. He saw a bright orb of light spinning in front of him. “Are you the spinning ball of light in front of me?”
“Yes, this is me. This is about as close to my true essence as you can see. In human form you might think of me as a soul or a spiritual collection of energy. I am a blend of elemental energies, and in my truest sense I am a collection of conscious energies and desires from the Mother Earth herself. Almost like a collection of thoughts or intentions that she needs to share. I could best be described in the way some of your kind refers to Devas or Angels. In the closest angelic form I would be Archangel Gabriel, and from the Devas analogy I would be like the energy of Gaia. Truly, I am an expression of energy coming into form through the Mother Earth’s highest abilities and desires right now. She is feeling it is time to intervene and put out some safety measures for all life forms.”
“My head is starting to spin. I don’t know what any of this means.”
“Stop it! You do know what this means. You have spent years doubting and denying the messages sent to help you. It’s time you step up and accept the truth.”
“The truth about what? I don’t know what any of this shit means!”
“You said you were finished resisting, yet what are you doing now?”
“I have an internal objection to believing any of this. I don’t remember any commitment. I’m not here to save anyone, including myself. I don’t want that responsibility!”
The next thing John knew he was on his back, paralyzed, staring at the ceiling, and he was hearing the funniest sounds like he was under water. There were balls of lights swirling around him. He remembered thinking, “not again!” Then he started to drift off, still flat on his back. As he came to, he heard himself saying, “You can’t force me to do anything.”
A bolt of electricity shot up his spine, his jaw locked and he may have passed out. He faintly remembered the black witch standing over him. Did she have her foot on him again? He tried to move but couldn’t.
When he came to again, he was in a warm liquid that looked like water. He was floating and he could see bubbles all around him. This looked like the same underground spring from a few years before. He breathed the liquid into his lungs. It felt good. No problems breathing. He was coming to. His eyes were focusing on the light in front of him. He was moving through the water like he was being pushed toward them. He turned to see what was propelling him through the water, and it was a beautiful mermaid creature. He looked at her, recognizing her beauty. She was the nymph from long ago, when this whole thing started. And if that wasn’t enough, she quickly shifted shapes into the black goddess being. He couldn’t get away if he tried! At that point, John just let go with his body as if to say, “Take me!”
He continued to glide forward, as his eyes glazed over. He didn’t care. In his mind he thought, “Why the fuss over me?”
The light became so bright he couldn’t see. When he managed to look forward he realized his body was still paralyzed and weightless, as if suspended in the watery fluid. He couldn’t look directly at the light ahead, but eventually his eyes focused and he saw a translucent being standing in front of him. He recognized this as the place he’d met this being before, although he looked more human than before. John thought he saw a smile coming from the face of this creature. Who were these alien things? John was still trying to focus, and was having difficulty keeping his eyes open in the brightness.
The being reached out and placed his hand on John’s heart. Everything started to spin again and he felt like he was spiraling out in space towards the stars. Light was streaking by. When John next awoke, he was surrounded by several of these beings. It seemed that maybe they weren’t in the warm fluid anymore, but he was still more paralyzed than not. He was lying on his back looking up at these creatures and he suddenly started feeling the most incredible peace and love. He closed his eyes to feel the feeling more fully. His body started to spin even more and he felt like he was throwing up. He couldn’t breathe, but still tried to through his nose and then his mouth. Fluid filled them and he panicked as a sharp pain moved through his body. He couldn’t see. Blackness was all around. All was still and quiet. He was floating again. Starlight, and darkness surrounded him. The sound of a big gulp of air and a burning feeling returned to his lungs. He tried to open his eyes. Burning lights. He was looking into the eyes of his biological family and some other people. He felt bad and closed his eyes again. Pain radiated throughout his body. Then, another shock. An even more intense light blinded his eyeballs! What the hell was this? Maybe hell, he thought. Then he was coming back and he heard a familiar voice.
John was silent. He wasn’t sure where he was, or whether he wanted to speak to anyone. When he finally spoke he said, “Was all of that necessary?”
“Only you can determine your experience right now. I had nothing to do with what happened. The Mother Earth is trying very hard to reach you.”
“Well tell her I’m not too happy with her power display. It’s not the most gentle.”
“Yes, that’s been mentioned before, but she’s trying to help you remember.”
“What? Remember what? Tell her I am willing to remember.”
“Are you? How many years have you wasted resisting?”
“Okay, fair enough. What’s next? Why did I go back to meet the underwater things? What are they?”
“Don’t you pay attention? They are your family. You are like them. In another reality, you actually look like them. This physical experience hasn’t taken away the embodiment you have as an elemental being. For the Mother Earth it would be much easier if you could remember who you are.”
“But why does it have to be me? I mean, can’t someone else do the job? That’s the part I don’t understand, even though I am willing to remember who I am, or was, or will be. Forget that! Instead of shocking me, can’t She just activate my memory?”
“That’s what she is trying to do. She is trying to jumpstart your awakening, but you’re shutdown. The beings are trying to show you what your experience has been before. That’s why you were shown your birth this lifetime. When you agreed to come down to earth you were immediately moved into the next birth—mid-contraction. We didn’t search for a smooth fit for you because we knew you wouldn’t bond with your biological family. You have not bonded with humans for hundreds of years, at least not enough to become human. Nevertheless, you have compassion for them and even more, you have a great love for the spark of creation. In many ways you have watched over the doorway of creation for eons. You have acted as a midwife for the Mother Earth and all of her life forms. You have the ability to access and open the bridge of light that is a portal between all realms of consciousness. Others know how to access this bridge too, but most abuse this privilege and lose the gift of access. You have remained true through time and this is why this embodiment as human has been so difficult for you. You have witnessed firsthand the disconnection the human has from all of the sources of life giving capability. You see the ticking clock winding down for man because of their complete disregard for the sustainment of the life they live. This is why you have been disillusioned by the whole human experience. The question remains—can you remember why you volunteered to come to earth, knowing this journey would be painful and possibly a failure?”
“I feel even more disillusioned. Why would I agree to this?”
“Because you care. Because you needed to try, to keep your garden growing. Because you never give up, and because you believe in the power of love to correct a course of disillusionment,” said Sage, “It’s not what we know about the future that really inspires us, it’s the application of what we believe to change the course. That’s what keeps us going. And from that place there are not that many in the other realms that care as much as you do to help change the course. Once a being has remained out of a human suit for a few hundred years they rarely want to come back and try this experience again. It is too painful.”
“Since this whole thing began, let’s call it ‘my life getting stranger,’ I keep feeling compelled to ask “why me?” So far nothing you are saying is sparking any real memories and it kind of disturbs me to think that I am a weird-looking, alien-like water being,” said John, “I’m really leaning into this as much as I can. I mean, I don’t do psychedelics, I don’t think I’ve lost my mind, but I’m not sure about anything right now. At least tell me more about the water beings that apparently I am one of.”
“They are known as elemental beings. You cannot see them unless they let you see them, because they function between this third dimension and other dimensions. They, like you, are portal emissaries, gatekeepers or midwives for life. Let me see if I can help you make the connection to who you are. You are definitely ‘alien’ when it comes to comparison by the human species, but you do not need spaceships to travel to far away places. You travel through zones unknown to man, and you, John River, have direct access to go anywhere. Much of the conversation about aliens has been misconstrued for the last fifty years, focusing on the so-called aliens landing one day. They have been here all along, actually before your kind even. There are many types of beings from many locations in the Universe. Some do use ships to travel because like your humankind, they have only explored their potential through technology. Their kind have their pursuits and they tend to be looking for resources and solutions to their problems from an external position. This point of view is very limited and always creates scarcity because of its inherently unsustainable nature. The template you have access to and are here to propagate is sustainable because it connects into the Universal Energy, which at its core is a continuous generator of light. The Mother Earth is a core generator of this energy, even though she is not a daystar like your sun. She generates this same life-giving energy from deep inside of her core, which is made up of the same substance as your sun, though much more dense and compacted.”
John felt himself getting heavy again, sinking into a deep sleep. Maybe he needed to dream? He didn’t know, he just couldn’t stay awake anymore.
When John finally awoke it felt like he had been asleep for days. He took inventory of the most basic things. Where was he? Who was he? Was this all some strange dream? It’s like he had been stuck in this crazy loop for years! As he looked around he recognized certain familiar things, starting with the inside of the old Air Stream trailer. That’s right, he was alone now – Roscoe, the dog, had passed a few years prior and the cat had departed shortly after. He dreamed about them all of the time and missed them as part of his traveling caravan. He thought of acquiring some new pets, but hadn’t made the commitment as of yet. Who was he? Just who was John River? In this moment he honestly didn’t know or almost even care. He had been in this purgatory for so long sometimes he just wanted to be done with it. He looked at the calendar pinned up on the wall in front of him. March 20, 2021. Then to the digital clock, which reported 5:01 a.m.
Where was he? He raised the curtain and looked out of the dusty window. He was in the country and had a faint memory of driving into the night down a dark gravel road. He assumed he was somewhere in the Southwestern US, since this was his main loop of travel. And figured he was in close proximity to route 66, his road most traveled. There were no empty bottles lying around, nevertheless he felt hung over. He started to move around the RV to clear the cobwebs. He opened the door and ventured outside. Where there used to be the old Dodge Ram pickup hooked to the trailer, it was now an old Chevy Silverado. Making the distinction between the two was difficult right now. He walked up to the driver’s side window and reached in and opened the door. There was a quarter tank of fuel left in the truck. At least he could get out of here when he was ready. He sat down in the drivers seat and leaned his head back against the headrest. Out of nowhere he started to sob. He banged his hand on the steering wheel. Why did he feel this way? Then the memories started to return. It was that Sage voice person. No, she wasn’t a person at all! He honestly didn’t know how to describe her. She had said he was shutdown.
From the best of John’s understanding Sage was a voice from the Mother Earth. She was coming to him to communicate some messages. Apparently they had been trying a long time to reach him and he was too resistant to hear the messages. Or, maybe too shutdown to remember what he was here to do. To say his life was a living hell was not completely true, but in some way this was what he was feeling right now. He couldn’t stop crying as a feeling of hopelessness cascaded through his nervous system. What was he supposed to remember? And this was the loop of his life going back as long as he could remember! There was a feeling he was waiting for something. Waiting to wake up, and a hopeless feeling that he wasn’t going to wake up. Was it just him? Was he the only person who lived with this feeling?
To compound the stress of it all there were the increasing messages from Sage that John was from a family of beings that were alien-like. She called them elemental beings, and that he belonged to a family that were closest to the water beings, or at least he seemed to have these meetings with them inside the earth in an underground spring-like place. This made matters all the more difficult for John, because the experiences he had when he met these underwater beings were like nothing he had ever experienced. He longed to feel the deep feeling of love that he felt when they touched his heart.
The last thing he remembered Sage saying to him was something about him being a gatekeeper or guardian of some portal or bridge between worlds. What could that really mean? This was like some mythological sequence that did not compute for John. Was something like this possible?
For the last ten years John’s life was full of these stranger-than-life experiences. Several times he had pleaded that he’d hold no more resistance and that he would do as instructed, then he would be left alone for awhile only to have another bizarre experience, like he was being tested in some way. Like they were waiting for him to become someone else. John didn’t think that was going to happen and each time he returned to his “normal” life he felt more despair and hopelessness for life in general.
As he sat behind the wheel of the Dodge pickup he slumped over with his forehead resting on the steering wheel. Suddenly through the radio he heard a familiar voice. It was Sage and she said, “It’s time to wake up, John River!”
Desensitized to the point of disinterest John said, “What? I don’t remember anything new. Please forgive me if I sound ungrateful, but I am having a tough time this morning as I replay my life!”
“I understand. I would feel the same way. Nobody said this was going to be easy. That was never promised. You were discouraged from attempting this experience, but it is your nature to care and wish to help, and you desired to try.”
“What? What is my nature?” John felt himself surrendering into the hopeless feeling. Sinking like he was in the underground spring, not breathing and not caring, like he was choosing to drown. But he knew he couldn’t escape the futility of his fate. These energies and this situation were not going to let him get away. It wasn’t that easy! Maybe this is karma?
“Go ahead sink into the familiar place, let the fluid enter your lungs. At least you do not fear this place. This is one of the biggest hurdles in remembering. It encompasses the experience of birth and death in one breath.”
John gulped a deep breath and his lungs burned. Everything became suspended in a fluid-like atmosphere. There were bubbles all around him. Was he in a dream? He opened his eyes. He was not in the pickup. Darkness surrounded him, and a tiny dot of light was in the distance. He was breathing in slow motion. All of the sounds were echoes, like inside a deep-water submarine. There was a sticky substance around his ears and covering his eyes. The warm fluid was burning his throat. He started throwing something up and he couldn’t breathe anymore. It hurt. He was floating again. Surrender. Maybe this was death. He could hear a thump, thump, thump getting louder and louder. He strained to see and the light took on a bright blue quality. It was pretty. Mesmerizing! He was moving towards the light. He tried to touch his body. He was definitely not in the pickup truck. John was not afraid. All he could think was, “I want to remember! I am ready! Take me. Show me. I’ll die. I’ll be born. Whatever, I don’t care.”
He was suddenly blazing to the light. The light got so bright he couldn’t see. Turning away from it, he saw someone behind him. He figured he knew who she was. He relaxed the back of his body and let himself be supported. When he was able to open his eyes he was standing in the underground place he had been before. It looked familiar. The feeling of hopelessness was gone. He felt okay for some reason, like he was home! He was still in a warm, fluid-like substance and wanted to know what it was. Looking first behind him and now all around, he saw lights. Pulsing, spiraling orbs of light. He instantly knew these were their vehicles, or instruments of travel. These lights were consciousness containers coming to meet him. Or, maybe they were making themselves known to him since he didn’t mind looking at light. He needed to find out the answer to this!
One of the balls of light elongated into a physical bubble of translucent light, kind of human shaped. The light moved into a skeletal structure not unlike a jellyfish. Then the light formed a beating heart and all the energy focused into the head area. It was the same being that had spoken to him before. John’s heart warmed. He hoped he would get a little more time with this “elemental being.” John really tried to come out of the dream to bring himself all the way into the experience, but this made it worse. He became foggier and felt sick again. The being reached out and placed his hand on John’s heart. John went to slept instantly. He was overtaken with a sense of love and safety. If this was death, he was going to be okay. If this was birth, he was going to be okay. If this was remembering, he was going to be okay. The being identified himself as John’s brother. He said to John, “Hello brother, we meet again!”
John felt this through the touch on his heart. He was still in a deep slumber. No way to think or move. Luckily, he could float. John was shown that this was an in-between place. One not visible or accessible to the human mind, which is why it seemed so dream-like to John. He was in a birth canal in some way between worlds. Inside the birth canal of the Mother Earth, or maybe he was inside of a huge whale? It all seemed alive and familiar in some warm and memorable way. He didn’t know where this was coming from, or even care right this moment.
Suddenly there was a jolt. John remembered the feeling of assisting, like this brother being was doing for him right now. This tremendous feeling of despair rose up inside of him. He started to weep and the warm fluid started to swirl around him and the feeling was gone. He felt better.
A familiar voice spoke to him and it sounded like Sage.
“You are in the birth canal between the Mother Earth and spirit realms. It is a great realization to be having this experience. You are remembering the journey you have traveled, but most importantly, that you have helped others tra